NBA strips Clippers of 5 first round picks, bans Steve Ballmer for a year, bans Kawhi’s uncle for life and fines Kawhi $700k for salary cap circumvention (incredible apology here.) Kinda funny to think this all could have been avoided if Kawhi just posted a pic planting trees. Never change.
Jury convicts Duane Davis for the murder of Tupac nearly 30 years after the rapper’s death. Wild he confessed in a memoir. Might be the most self destructive book in history, narrowly edging out OJ’s If I Did It and Mr. Beast’s new novel (PS - reading this should be on this list of fantasy punishments.)
Stan Kroenke buys the Angels for a record $4B, promises to build a new $2.5B stadium. Angels fans gotta be more fired up than me after one of these suckers. Joseph Gordon-Levitt must have prayed super hard on this one.
Tiger Woods gets plea deal for DUI charge, will lose his driver’s license for 5 years to avoid jail time. But behind the wheel is the only place he feels free. Where he truly feels like himself. Did the judge consider that for one second?
US Open match interrupted by footage of selfie lights during Naomi Osaka’s serve, as influencers have fully invaded the event. Can only imagine how McEnroe would react to seeing this in the stands mid-match. I actually don’t need to imagine it, I can just watch 11 minutes of it. God, I love 2026.
PS - we had to skip yesterday’s email due to some technical difficulties, so we’re sending an email today and tomorrow. I’m not sure how any of you survived your Wednesday without us in your inboxes, but just know that you are stronger than anyone in recorded human history. I’m in love with you, I think.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Absolutely fired up to see a 47 year old make his college football debut this weekend. Sure, he clearly committed an unnecessary roughness penalty in the one snap he had, but you gotta make the most of the reps given to you. I’ll let it slide.
It’s never too late to follow your dreams of being a 3rd string community college defensive end. And I genuinely do mean that.
It brings me no joy to inform you that the Serial Butt Sniffer has relapsed and has now been arrested for butt sniffing in public just days after getting out of prison for repeated butt sniffing in public. If you truly love something, you’ll stop at nothing to do it.
Imagine getting your degree in journalism and working at a news network and then your job is writing copy like this
The funniest outcome of the entire Baby Gronk saga is that he’s now emerged as an actually good football player. Maybe one day in the future a child influencer will name himself Baby Baby Gronk and rizz up Livvy Dunne-Skeles again. As is prophesied.
this was a moment in time for the chronically online
Sometimes I get worried about AI and robots, but then i see clips like this little freak and I finally can rest easy. Why do we even bother training these things to fight?
this might be a must watch clip
DEVELOPING STORY: John Travolta has debuted a new beret. Just making sure you’re informed in case it comes up today. Don’t want you to be caught with your pants down.
One beret for each season of the year. Just efficient and economical fashion sense
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
THIS ONE’S ON THE HOUSE
This one comes from our good friend Bobby from Could Be the Move. Subscribe to his newsletter here for gold in your inbox every Friday.
Something about free: can’t put my finger on it. Just feels… well, it never feels real. Paranoid about a catch. Got that Adam Smith in me. What can I say?
Damn... Just hit up Google. All this time I could’ve sworn Adam Smith coined the phrase, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” He, in fact, never said those words. Let’s try that again.
Something about free. Can’t put my finger on it. Just feels… well, it never feels real. Paranoid about a catch. Got that Milton Friedman in me. What can I say?
Bro’s right. Nothing’s free. Always something lurking.
Oh, I gotta sign some shit. Oh, I gotta download this app. Oh, I gotta drop my credit card. Oh, I gotta finish this 80oz. steak. Oh, I gotta buy 9 first. Oh, I gotta…
“Wait… what?” “A free pitcher? How?” “You know someone?” “Just because?” “Saw the boys vibing and figured we could use one more?” “This is incredible. God we’re so back.” “Here’s to the greatest night of our lives!”
Big Viking ass cheers.
I love this Move man. I’m getting fired up just thinking about it. That first sip of a “free” pitcher. Electric.
- Bobby D
POST-HUMP DAY HIPPO MASCOT
Technically not hump day anymore, but fuck it. Had to give some love to Texas’s top ranked mascot and a Final Four contender in the 2024 Best High School Mascot in the country bracket. Can’t believe they lost to Karl from Central Cobblers in South Dakota. What a fucking crock of a competition. I’m declaring a mistrial until further notice.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
These moves to pull during fantasy football are unreal. I drafted last night and I’m already itching to swap defenses. Just to set the tone.
Read this on your lunch break: Why We Like Things and What Silicon Valley Gets Wrong About Taste
A day in the life of Japan’s most famous grandpa’s hot dog shop. Hell of a watch.
Here’s another banger blog from Tim Urban on why procrastinators procrastinate. If you want to procrastinate the rest of the day, go take a deep dive on the rest of his site. Pure gold.
Do yourself a favor and take a nice little stroll down the Dad series on these gentlemen’s page. Dads on a Road Trip, Dads getting pulled over, and Dads at the movies. Just excellence.
Probably the greatest long form article of all time right here. Worth the long read. (Break the paywall here.)
Loved this site that recreates YouTube from 2007. Just a simpler time.
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