Dolly Parton dies at 80 years old, after an iconic career as a country music star, philanthropist, amusement park owner and wife. She died as easily most beloved person in the country by FAR. RIP to the newest angel.
Canada hits US back with 15-50% tariffs across a variety of American imports like steel, dairy products, appliances and farm equipment. Let’s stop raising prices and settle this the old fashioned way: on the ice.
KFC China launches an Oreo-Chicken Burger, which features an Oreo as a patty. Sounds fucking delicious, to be honest. We can’t eat anything else these days, might as well hammer this. Could actually be good for you.
Meta agrees to pay $17B settlement and adopt kid safety standards across nearly all US states to restrict minor’s access to Facebook & IG. Please let this happen with Kick soon. We can’t risk Clavicular growing in power.
Alabama advances to the LLWS thanks to Kinley Rasmus, who ties the record for most strikeouts and hits by a girl in Little League WS history. Can’t wait to see her go Andruw Jones mode in 12 years like Mo’ne Davis.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Brown waive TE Dae’Quan Wright who plans to play for LSU under Lane Kiffin. Honestly, don’t hate the move as long as he completes a Billy Madison style academic decathalon to go back to school. Learn how to make that NIL bag last, king.
KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES
PSA: Lil Wayne’s son is an elite high school football kicker with a scholarship to play for Deion at Colorado next year (the F is for Field Goal. ) Actually a good reminder to train your future sons to be elite placekickers. Might be the easiest path to the NFL.
I always knew Lil Lil Wayne had what it took to be the next Younghoe Koo.
Tom Brady’s incredible streak of divorced guy quotes continues, as he states that at 49 years old, he has “become a leather pants guy.” This is gettting bad, man. He might need an entire line in the new Divorced Dad card upgrade.
A jeans war is raging on, with the good queen Tate McRae entering the fray for Calvin Klein against American Eagle’s Sydney Sweeney and Cardi B holding the banners for Old Navy. How many lives must be lost before we lay down our swords?
You’re gonna throw out your back doing that, Tate. Looks crazy uncomfortable. STOP
Gotta give a well-deserved shout out to Erebus Anamoly, the newborn kitten who just broke a Guinness World Record by being born with 29 toes. Going to be an absolute nightmare to find a pair of those toe-shoes that fit, but that’s the weight of history.
God, these are glorious. I might add this to the fall wardrobe. Sometimes you just gotta feel the ground beneath you, ya know?
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
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READING THE LOCAL PAPER
This one comes from our good friend Bobby from Could Be the Move. Subscribe to his newsletter here for gold in your inbox every Friday.
Feel like as humans, community is something we crave. Being arm in arm with your neighbor, aligned on similar goals. It’s how we evolved, how we came to be the dominant species.
Why I’ve been snaggin’ the local paper lately. Scratch that community itch. Learn more about our local officials, local props, who’s playing QB for varsity.
Be a lot cooler if I could get that community hit by going to some town concert or some bob for apples bullshit. Drink a couple beers, get to know the local real estate or haircut guy.
Local paper’s all I got. Eh... I guess I could hang out at my local dive bar 4 nights a week? Sure, that sounds fun, but booze is fucking expensive now man. Local paper’s free.
(Maybe third places are where communities used to live?)
I guess I could walk around town more. Stop and talk to the neighbors. Neighbors who I’ve really never met. Everyone’s old, man. I live in an apartment surrounded by a bunch of nice-ass houses. Bunch of old people and rich 40-somethings. “Hi. I’m Bobby!” Oh yeah, I’m sure that’ll scratch that community itch you dumb fuck.
Could just start my own community. Put up signs around town. “Starting a community if anyone’s down.” Location: Jimmy’s Bar / Time: 8:00pm.
Honestly, that could be fucking sick. Until then, I’ll stay here, keep reading the local paper and pose as a Dodgers fan once the O’s get eliminated. That’ll work for now.
- Bobby D
HUMP DAY DINOSAUR HIPPO
Dinosaur hippo!!!!! This ancient beast is what scientists believe hippos looked like before they sold out and started walking on the land. This guy was definitely part of the Land Before Time crew back in the day. 100% was boys with Littlefoot, had a crush on Cera and was annoyed by Petri (a little bitch.) Join the club dino hippo. One day you'll blossom into the pride of the world. But not today. You have some evolution to do.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
It seems like we can’t eat anything these days, so we talked to a food scientist to see what foods won’t kill us (or give us explosive diarrhea.) Need more experts like this.
Going to work with a sleep demon is an unreal piece of content. I finished watching and immediately started it again.
I was blown away by this article on the Andoque of the Amazon and their stories about dolphins, sexuality and seduction in the jungle. Incredible long read.
This video was a healthy reminder to text my friends I haven’t seen in a while (and watch Donnie Darko with someone who’s seen it before.)
More than half of the teams in the NFL have a new coach calling the plays this year, the highest turnover in history. Here’s everything you need to know about each.
Here’s who every first name got married to in America this year. If you’re name is not Michael, you don’t stand a chance this year.
Conner O’Malley: Shepherd of the Internet Apocalypse is very well done.
As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with AI, now we got new mini human brains called organoids being grown in labs all over the world. I kinda want one tbh, seems cute.
It’s Hump Day. Let’s grind Two Friends to get us into the better part of the week. Perfect second monitor choice.
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