The Daily Friday: Friday 10/13

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Israel orders evacuation of Gaza civilians ahead of planned attack against Hamas, who calls for a Day of Rage. Scary times.

2. MLB playoffs heat up with a Texas showdown between Astros and Rangers in the ALCS and D-Backs facing a probably still hungover Phillies in the NL.

3. Get your shit together Washington: Republicans can’t figure out a new Speaker, Democratic senator charged with conspiracy to act as foreign agent to Egypt and AOC rips ass on camera (still hot.)

4. It could get lit at the movies this weekend, as theaters will let Swifties sing and dance in their seats during Eras Tour film, which might make more than Barbie. She should run for President.

5. AMC’s CEO is horny as hell. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

AMC CEO CATFISHED AND BLACKMAILED

AMC’s Adam Aron just proved something I’ve always known to be true: CEOs are just like us…horny as hell.

The controversial leader confirmed yesterday that he was the victim of a blackmail catfishing sexting scandal last year by a New York woman. We’ve all been there before.

HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

• Aron was catfished by a woman that he thought was a ballerina who had previously done ‘unmentionable things to him.’ I’m gonna need you to mention them, my guy. I’ve seen Black Swan. Those ladies are freaky.

• The woman ended up being a 34 year old Bronx con artist, who also messaged him pretending to be a fake ex-boyfriend of the ballerina, a Vanity Fair reporter, and a 17 year old Russian model. Now is a good time to mention Aron’s been married since 1987 and also not 17.

• The catfisher tried extorting Aron, who made $23.7 million last year, for $300k. Sounds like pocket change to me, but Aron went straight to the FBI who tracked her down and sentenced her to a year in jail.

• Aron has faced controversies in the past, including not wearing pants in a 2021 remote interview (classic pandemic humor) and heavily investing in NFTs. Public nudity and NFTs are easily the two horniest things any old man can do. BONK.

SHREK PUTS DREAMWORKS ON HIS BIG GREEN BACK

Shrek has put this entire country on his back, not just DreamWorks (especially if you count the extended Puss in Boots universe, which any reasonable person would.)

Shoutout Chicken Run, which has a new sequel coming to Netflix in December. Stop-motion cinema has always blown my mind (RIP Wallace and Gromit) and is a far superior medium to claymation (gross.) True wizard shit.

MLB: This Castellano HR will get you fired up to get shit-faced this weekend. Not that you needed any more motivation.

What a wild postseason. The regular season confirmed does not matter at all.

NFL: Did Jerry Jeudy fuck Steve Smith’s wife or something? Goodness.

NBA: Shaq named president of Reebok Basketball. That has to suck if you’re an actual employee who’s worked their way up at Reebok for 20 years, only to get passed over for the Dollar General spokesman.

NHL: Connor Bedard gets first career goal. Let’s induct him in the Hall of Fame now and get it over with.

First cheap shot of the year! Thank fuck hockey is back.

OTHER: Actually pretty fired up for Saturday’s Logan Paul-Dillon Dannis fight. Two extremely unlikable people punching each other for an hour sounds sick.

This was one of the craziest endings to a game this year. Wild.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

If our country wants to come together, we need to cum together. Heroic men pioneer public masturbation craze that officials think is Tik-Tok challenge.

Study shows female frogs fake death to avoid sex, which is entirely consistent with my own experience trying to fuck my pet frogs. Always playing hard to get.

I’m in love with this lady who ate 48 oysters on a date. Personally, I take my dates to all-you-can-eat sushi and if they can’t suck down at least 3 dozen rolls, I never speak to them again. Good way to thin the herd.

Is this the real Bigfoot or did that dude who dressed up in the bear suit at the Chinese Zoo get another gig? Either way, let the guy shit in peace, people.

BLIND RANKING ATHLETES AS STEPDADS

A bold concept, executed flawlessly as always. Loving this blind ranking content from Glue Guy and crew. Perfect arguments to have at the pregame tonight.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• I’ve been team SAG-AFTRA this entire strike, but this video of AI background actors put me fully over the fence. Shit is creepy.

• Scoop Dreams: How Shams Charania built his empire.

• Why your favorite childhood drinks now have booze in them. 

• Do you need a visit to the confident man’s ranch?

• I had to check 3 times to see if this Trump vs. Serena tennis match footage was real or AI. Donald has a killer forehand.