The Daily Friday: Friday 12/1

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. RIP Sandra Day O’Connor, the first woman to serve on the Supreme Court, who passed away today at 93. Lot of historic deaths this week.

2. Deion wins Sportsperson of the Year after leading Colorado to a 4-8 record. Ryan Shazier should have won. Man is an educator.

3. Newsom and DeSantis debate last night in a spirited conversation between two guys who will never be president. Why did this happen again?

4. Subway releases new footlong cookie, roughly 5x the length of a totally normal male penis. Thank you Subway 🙏🏻

5. Elon and Tesla have released the Cybertruck. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first…today is Friday aka the perfect day to suck down several dozen Friday Beers. Our $10k giveaway winner was announced yesterday (shoutout Kai Zim) but we still have more lucky winners today, plus a ton more shit planned.

Give @drink.fridaybeers a follow on IG to stay up to date and if you live in Boston, go stock up on the most delicious light lager you’ve ever tasted.

THE TRUCK THAT CAN SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE

Days after telling advertisers to fuck off at NYT event, Elon Musk and Tesla have officially released the Cybertruck, in what Elon called the ‘biggest product launch on Earth by far this year.’

Clearly he is forgetting about the Grimace shake and the new Black Cherry Zyn flavor, but I’ll allow it.   

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• Sturdiness is its key feature, as pre-made videos show the car is both bullet proof and rock proof, absolutely essential to anyone looking to survive the apocalypse or an attack from the voice of Maui in Moana.

• It has a battery that lasts 340 miles, it can tow 11,000 pounds and accelerates from 0 to 60 in 2.6 seconds. Crazy that I can have sex 4 times before it would get a speeding ticket. Get your speed up Cybertruck 😎  

• One million people have put down deposits to join the waiting list to purchase the truck, which is priced at $60k on the website. There is also $99k version of the truck called ‘Cyberbeast’ available as well. T-minus 100 days until the Mr. Beast collab on that one.

After years of misfires, Tesla did seem optimistic they will go to market in 2025 (though making a profit and producing at scale will be a problem.)

My verdict: it’s a wildly unnecessary product, but it’s fucking cool. There is value in cool shit. Bring back Hummers too while we’re at it.

HUGE IF TRUE

I’ve always known that Earth was actually a giant sphere encompassing a large, well-hung, ancient man but this finally confirms it. This does raise a few questions about some other landmarks and where they fall on the globe.

Is the Great Wall of China a massive belt that circles his waist? Are the Pyramids his back pimples? Is the Roman Colosseum his massive, gaping butthole? This planet is truly full of so many mysteries.

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NFL: Dak throws 3 TDs as Cowboys storm back to win in a shootout against Seattle. More importantly, the Almost Friday parlay hit. Easy money.

Gotta admire the commitment from DK to learning sign language to talk shit so he won’t get fined.

Phillies DL Jordan Davis has the voice of an absolute angel. I need this man to sing me to sleep every night.

NBA: Shoutout to the Pistons. This is more discipline that I’ve ever had.

Nothing screams eternal love quite like having Julius Randle arguing in the background of your proposal. Beautiful.

OTHER: The Tiger comeback tour is fully on, as Charlie’s dad plays competitive golf for the first time in 7 months.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Sabrina Carpenter responds to criticism of her shooting a raunchy video in a church by saying ‘Jesus was a Carpenter.’ Technically true!

Huge tip of the cap to the guru who scammed 30 US cities into signing deals with his fake country called Kailasa. I would absolutely fall for that tbh.

Neymar’s and his baby mama split after he broke her tyrannical cheating rules that included no sex without a condom or kissing call girls on the mouth. I’m glad he’s finally free from her dictatorship.

Super pissed at this pastor who stood outside schools dressed as The Grinch with a “Santa is Fake, Jesus is Real” sign. I did not need to find out this way.

BLIND RANKING HOCKEY FLOW

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Scientists need to examine how hockey players get such insane flow. I’m extremely jealous and need a doctor to tell me it’s not my fault.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• The story on how the Knicks’ Mitchell Robinson became roommates with his recently widowed high school coach is heartwarming af.

• Is it ok to like Chick-Fil-A?

• What happens to a school shooter’s sister?

• Austin Rivers was the truth in high school. Crazy how good you have to be to even sniff the NBA.

• The full conversation with Elon Musk and Andrew Sorkin that led to Elon telling advertisers to fuck off is worth the watch.

• Anyone down to fraud this weekend? I’m kinda digging this strategy.