The Daily Friday: Friday 12/8

Happy Friday. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Sean McDermott apologizes for citing 9/11 hijackers as an example of “great teamwork” in a team speech. If he gets fired, I’m sure Harvard, Penn or MIT would hire him as their next president.

2. Hunter Biden indictment reveals he had over $1.6 million in ATM withdrawals to fund ‘adult entertainment.’ That is SO many trips to the ATM. Absolute fortune on fees.

3. Jon Rahm joins LIV Golf, securing a $600 million bag, worth nearly 10x the GDP of the island nation Tuvalu. Worth it.

4. Republican debate unraveled a bit, as Vivek Ramaswamy shared conspiracy theories and Nikki Haley could not name 3 provinces in Ukraine. Here’s what we would have asked if we were moderating.

5. McDonald’s is launching some cool shit. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, a Happy Hanukkah to the Jewish homies out there. Chag Sameach and all that jazz.

Let’s get into the news.

MCDONALD’S IS NOT FUCKING AROUND

The king of fast food has just dropped their biggest series of innovations since they came up with the ‘ba da ba ba ba’ jingle like 20 years ago.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

• After 7 long, painful years, Ronald McDonald and the gang decided to unite this broken nation under the Holy Trinity of Chicken, Warm Tortilla, and CheeseandLettuce by bringing back their greatest item ever: the Snack Wrap. We made it guys. We made it.

• Yesterday, they announced their answer to Starbucks and Dunkin’, a new restaurant concept called CosMc’s, opening in the Chicago suburbs. It’s alien themed, exclusively to-go, and serves caffeine drinks and small snacks (no burgers or chicken.) Unfortunately, unlike Panera, their caffeine lemonade does NOT kill you, which is sort of a bummer. Always nice to have that option.

• McDonald’s is also launching a new Best Burger program to make their burgers more juicy, flavorful and natural tasting by 2026. Little worried about what I’ve been eating (and will be eating for the next 2 years) but it’s a step!

• Last night, a Josh Allen fan got into an argument about Pokemon at a McDonald’s in Nova Scotia and ended up hurling a chair at another customer. Good to see Mickey D’s is still keeping what makes them great. Never change.

By the way: I swear this is not an ad. It’s just massive news for anyone who eats solid food (hopefully all humans between the ages of 2 and 63)

HORNY HIDEKI

Just stumbled across this article from 2012 and I gotta say: good for Hideki. Honestly, owning 55,000 adult films transcends horniness. He’s not a freak, he’s a collector. It’s pretty wholesome and almost endearing, in a way.

At his peak, Godzilla was probably the most famous person in Japan. Rather than squander his fame and fortune on drugs and loose women, he chooses to collect artistic films and share them with reporters. Stand up guy.

Huge caveat: this entire argument depends on what percentage of these films were tentacle anime porn. Anything above 10% and he’s officially a dirty little freak (which is also fine too.)

WORLD’S MOST COMFORTABLE JEANS

Is there anything better than a good pair of jeans? You know that one pair that has the perfect combination of comfort, fashion, and versatility? The kind you wear so much it feels like part of your body at this point?

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you’ve simply never tried Mugsy jeans. 

Fun fact: I have 2 pairs of Mugsy jeans and they’re the only pants I wear from September to April. They’re comfortable enough for when I work from home, professional enough to wear to the office, and stylish enough to rock at a fancy dinner or cocktail party if I’m feeling like a bad boy. 

Ever since they re-invented the jeans game in 2015, Mugsy has worked with some of the best designers and manufacturers around the world to deliver the finest quality fabrics for your jeans, chinos, tops and joggers. That’s pretty chill.

Plus, first time customers can get 20% BACK on their first order right now.

Smash that link, enter your email and the discount is automatically added.

NBA: This was an all-time tweet from Josh Hart. Ice over family. Always.

Tyler Haliburton drops 27 and 15 to lead Pacers over the Bucks and an ins-season tournament finals matchup Saturday against the Lakers, after Bronny’s dad squeaked out a 133-89 point win against the Pelicans.

I wonder if Zion and Brandon Ingram will still turn up in Vegas. Probably.

MLB: Yankees sign Juan Soto, still won’t make the playoffs next year.

NFL: New betting rule: never gamble against Bailey Zappe in primetime, who threw 3 TDs in the Pats 21-18 win over the Steelers last night.

Shoutout to the Jags employee who stole $22 million from the team to purchase a condo, diamond watch, and Tesla. What are the Jags gonna do with $22 mil, sign like a 4th receiver or nickel corner? This is way cooler.

OTHER: Thank you legalized sports betting for preventing young men from having sex or getting married. Sex is gross and marriages end in divorce half the time. Parlays last forever.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

After a woman threw food at a Chipotle worker, a judge sentenced her to work in a fast food restaurant for 2 months. They should do this with airplane meltdown people and mean PornHub commenters.

Selena Gomez is dating Benny Blanco but I’m still holding out hope for us. Twin Flames always find their way back to each other.

Kudos to White Claw, who finally created the first ever non-alcoholic flavored seltzer. Twisted Tea better invent a non-alcoholic iced tea ASAP.

Congratulations to Lil T, who wins the right to sleep with Adam22’s wife Lena the Plug. I love the state of the world today.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Standing up to high school teens is super hard and I’m glad it’s getting more visibility. Thanks Liam.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• This guy who makes garlic shrimp and mashed potatoes on an airplane needs to be thrown in prison.

• The Lost Art of Stone Skipping.

• I would absolutely watch Elf, but it’s a thriller. 

• Fuck it, Eastbound and Down outtakes.

• Bottle fights are strangely captivating. Gonna try this out at the pregame tonight for sure.

• The Great Forgetting is a long read to take you to the weekend.