The Daily Friday: Friday 2/23

Happy Friday. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. AT&T cell outage left many without reception yesterday, which explains why my DMs to Zendaya weren’t delivering. I was worried she had me blocked.

2. US fleeces China in zoo animal deal, receives 2 giant pandas in exchange for ‘diplomacy.’ This makes the Russel Wilson trade look fair.

3. Biden’s dog bit Secret Service members 24 times, an even more iconic run than Wilt Chamberlain’s 1961-62 season. GOAT.

4. Google shuts down Gemini AI app after it created images of historical figures with inaccurate races and genders. Was Rachel Dolezal their head of engineering?

5. We made it to back to the moon. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

MACHINE ON THE MOON

One small step for machine, one giant leap for machinekind.

For the first time since 1972, the US has made it back to the moon, as Intuitive Machine’s Odysseus, successfully landed last night. While the craft was unmanned (sorry to all the ‘Kid Cudi saved my life’ guys who can’t post Man on the Moon album art) it still represents a major win in space travel for the US and worldwide.

HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

• Intuitive Machine became the first private company to land a space-craft on the Moon, beating out SpaceX and thank god. You thought Elon Musk fanboys were annoying on Twitter now? Imagine if he launches a rocket that doesn’t explode into a million pieces.

• NASA still spent $118 million on this landing, slightly more than the $75 million India dropped in December to land their own craft. For context, both of these numbers are less than the Angels will pay Anthony Rendon to complain about how much he hates his job until 2026.

• Odysseus’ mission: collect data, transmit signals back to Earth and find if there is water on the moon’s craters. If it does find water, the craft should toss it into a Stanley tumbler. They need a win now. 

• On board the craft are a few pieces of private art, space age fabric from the sportswear brand Columbia, and the Declaration of Independence in digital form. National Treasure 3…in space? I’d watch it.

IS RELAXING A CRIME?

Free this man. A couch is a big purchase and it is absolutely vital to test out its efficiency in real life situations before you pull the trigger.

Is this a couch you can sit on for 9 straight hours on a Sunday watching Red Zone with the lights off? Can the fabric withstand multiple Taco Bell sauce spills? Does it have enough Zyn holders?

They’re lucky he didn’t start cranking it there. I would’ve.

NBA: Now that Jokic has officially gotten a triple double vs. every team in the NBA, maybe he’ll retire and finally focus on his true passion: horses.

Justice for the fan who called KD a bitch during warmups and immediately got confronted: as a podcast host, he should get total immunity.

NFL: Nick Sirianni was reportedly deeply affected by the absence of security guard Big Dom on the sidelines down the stretch. We all need an emotional support Italian from time to time, nothing to be ashamed of.

GOLF: 15 year old Charlie Woods shoots 86, fails to qualify for his first PGA event. This would be the greatest score of my life by about 10 strokes and is still nearly 200 strokes better than this guy at TPC (he shot a 66 on #17.)

MLB: Thank you Fanatics for designing this season’s MLB uniforms to showcase the dick and balls of the players. This how we grow the game.

CBB: Former Iona player tells story of Rick Pitino threatening to ‘chop him up in 7 pieces and send him back home’ after failing to box out in practice. I wonder what the 7 pieces would be (head, two arms, two legs, torso, legs?)

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Respect to the girl who listed Lindy Waters & Barry Sanders Jr. as her hall passes. Naming random athletes is my love language & she speaks it fluently.

Sam Mendes announces he’s making 4 Beatles movies, each from the perspective of one member. Cast Nathan Fielder in every role and call it a day.

Johnny Manziel’s depression was so bad in Cleveland that even weekly invitations from Lebron James to play poker couldn’t get him out of bed. Hot take: poker is stressful and confusing. If it was for Settlers of Catan, I’d be in.

THIS WAS TOO RELATABLE

Great watch as always boys. I don’t want to get in the middle of this, but as an unbiased third party, I am pretty confident Liam can handle Chet, especially with the rotator cuff issue. Just saying.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• We just dropped some insane new shirt designs on the site (I need that Tony Soprano shirt) and it’s high time you treated yourself. Use DAILYFRIDAY20 for a little treat. Happy Friday

• Love the premise of this new video game KingMakers: travel back in time as a modern day soldier to fight Medieval wars and save humanity.

• The Wild West of NBA Jump Balls.

• If you haven’t seen Tim Heidecker’s On Cinema At the Cinema, cancel your weekend plans and binge it now. Here’s the best moments.

• Read this on your lunch break: What happens when we stop remembering