The Daily Friday: Friday 2/9

Happy Friday. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Special counsel cites ‘limitations in Biden’s memory’ as reason for not charging President in classified doc investigation. He’s just overwhelmed from meeting with French ghosts. Cut him some slack.

2. King Charles will treat cancer with ‘potions’ and I’ve never been more jealous. I want a potions guy so bad (hit me up, Snape.)

3. Australia workers can legally ignore after-hours messages thanks to new bill. If we did that, the banking industry would collapse overnight. 10 pm ‘Pls fix’ emails to 23-yr-old investment bankers are the only thing keeping this economy afloat.

4. FCC is banning AI robocalls after scamming and voter deception concerns. Great. Now no one’s gonna fucking call me. Thanks assholes.

5.  It’s Super Bowl Weekend and no one is under more pressure than Taylor Swift’s pilot (his statement here.) LET’S MAKE SOME PICKS.

But first…if you’re in Nashville this weekend, do yourself a favor and hit up our bar Almost Friday Sporting Club. 

There’s a 90s night on Saturday, a Super Bowl watch party the next day, fresh Friday Beers on tap, plus tons of the Friday Beers crew there in person. 

Ok, back to the news.

SUPER BOWL PREDICTIONS

Here are our Top 10 Things that Will Absolutely Happen at the Super Bowl.

1. For some reason, Jesus has every commercial slot

What are these commercials? Like who is paying for them? Can you advertise for Jesus? I don’t get it at all.

2. Someone is way too angry about Taylor Swift

You’re right, we should ignore the biggest celebrity of our era flying across the world to see her All-Pro boyfriend go for his 3^rd Super Bowl ring. You don’t care about her so much that you spent 4 hours complaining about it.

3. A commercial involves AI and your dad texts you about it and you have to spend 15 minutes explaining it

“What is this ChatGPT crap?”

4. The phrase “This is why you don’t bet against Patrick Mahomes” is said 200x.

Still gonna do it. That’s why Dr. Locks makes the Almost Friday parlay and not me.

5. You crack a beer in the 4th quarter that makes you more full than drunk.

Super Bowl drunk is one of the worst drunks. Guzzling beer and fried food all night after a weekend of guzzling beer and fried food is a recipe for disaster. You will still get hungover but not enjoy a second of the night. Real good times.

6. An ‘Official Pro-Life Spider Man’ scales the Vegas Sphere to raise money for a pregnant woman.

Oh wait, this already happened. Never mind.

7. Guy at the party who works at a start-up that pays in free coffee has tomorrow off and won’t shut up about it.

Nice man. We actually are all actively dreading Monday morning but I’m glad you prioritized a job that gives you tomorrow off instead of healthcare.

8. Someone is way too into Taylor Swift

We get it, you’re only here for Taylor Swift. It’s a Taylor Swift show with football being played. Nice. Can you please go outside, develop a new interest to base your personality around, and then come back when you’re done?

9. Ray Lewis Murders Someone Again

I really hope this doesn’t happen.

10. Vaguely artistic ad tries to connect complex social issues with a candy brand.

Now, more than ever, this country is divided. But there’s something we can all agree on…Reese Pieces.

COMMENCE SOCO SOUR SUCKDOWN

For your next pregame, watch party, throwdown, or whenever you’re in the mood to be So Tasteful, plan to pick up some SoCo. And the next time you’re at the bar, go-ahead and order some SoCo Sour shots. On me. (just kidding. But maybe though.) 

Created in 1874 with an innovative blend of stone fruit and spices, SoCo Whiskey is the ORIGINAL ready-for-anything spirit. Satisfying on its own and ideal in any mixed drink, Southern Comfort is tasteful and approachable however you drink it and whoever you drink it with. 

My personal favorite blends? It’s a two-way tie between the SoCo Original and SoCo Black. Either way you can’t go wrong.

When you hit that happy hour tonight, make sure you….order a Soco Sour. One Part Soco + Two Parts Sour Mix.

Southern Comfort, Spirit Whiskey with Natural Flavors and Caramel Color, 35% and 40% Alc/Vol, Sazerac Company, Louisville, KY

NBA: Shit-load of moves at the trade deadline, highlighted by the Knicks scooping up Bojan Bogdanovic, the Sixers grabbing Buddy Hield, and the Mavs hoping the world ends by 2027.

Kobe statue unveiled and it turned out way better than Ronaldo’s. Thank god.

NFL: Big night of awards in Vegas, as Lamar Jackson takes home his second MVP and Joe Flacco beats out Damar Hamlin for Comeback Player of the Year. Maybe try dying harder next time Damar?

GOLF: The Waste Management Open is in full swing and the Country Club Adjacent boys are at it again. If my queen Paige Spiranic is going to be attacked like this, it might as well be by the pros. Well done.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Tyrannical new law forces Mt. Everest climbers to bring their feces down after summiting. What is the point of climbing Mt. Everest if you can’t take a shit at the top?

Someone needs to sign this moose who chased skiiers down a mountain to an NFL roster. He’d be absolutely unstoppable in the open field.

Arizona Iced Tea is $2 and I’m fuming. Let’s fly to Arizona and Boston (Iced) Tea Party their entire inventory into the desert until they make it $1 again.

Brittany Mahomes named SI Swimsuit Rookie in desperate attempt to take attention away from Patrick Mahomes Sr. It’s his night, Brittany.

SUNDAY’S BIGGEST LOCK

 Great breakdown here by Dr. Locks. With my luck, the aliens will invade Las Vegas and the game will end in a Chiefs W. Worst beat in human history. Literally.

Regardless, with these odds, you gotta hammer it. Sure, there’s a high chance that when aliens invade, money will cease to matter. But if I’m gonna die from aliens genociding me, I’d like to go out as a winner.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Really liked this thread by Glue Guy on Super Bowl moments you forgot happened. We need more jetpacks in today’s society.

• Can’t wait for this docuseries on Dan Schneider and the toxic culture of Nickelodeon sets in the 90s and 2000s to come out. Fuck that guy.

• The one thing that people who live to their 100s have in common: nothing bothers them. Must be nice.

• This long read on clocks that use nature to measure time was worth it. Hurt my brain a bit, but the good things in life usually do.

• Fuck it. Comedy power hour for the pregame tonight. Why the hell not?