The Daily Friday: Friday 4/12

1. Beloved Top Gun actor OJ Simpson dies at 76, sadly before his wife’s killer was ever found. Really feeling for Khloe Kardashian right now. Losing a father is never easy.

2. Bryson DeChambeau and Max Homa lead Masters in scoring, but trail Paulina Gretzky in the sexiest outfit category. She will soon be my wife (don’t worry, you’re all invited to the wedding.)

3. Lunchables deemed unfit for school menus due to high amounts of lead. First Nickelodeon, now this? If I find out my favorite Subway spokesman did anything bad, my entire childhood will be destroyed.

4. Real estate tycoon sentenced to death in Vietnam after defrauding government of $12.5 billion to buy up properties. In America, we just call this ‘private equity.’

5. Court docs reveal Shohei’s interpreter was down $40 million (!), bet 25x a day, almost got Ohtani killed and sent insane texts to this bookie. Degeneracy is truly the global language. One of us.

MONTHLY MAILBAG

We’re taking a break from our regularly scheduled program to highlight our first ever Daily Friday Monthly Mailbag. We had nearly 50 people write in and all the questions were perfect. I wish I could kiss each of you on the lips.

Here’s a snippet of what we touched on, but make sure you read the full mailbag, where we discuss break ups, why the Presidential candidates suck ass, which chain restaurant you’d eat at for the rest of your life, and the merits of tetherball. Enjoy.

Is hitting your hometown bar alone a Fringe Guy move? - Ross

It’s not a Fringe Guy move, it’s a Power Move.

We’ve all been there. Maybe you’re home for Easter and need to get out of the house. Maybe you just graduated and you move back home to figure it out (jack off and play Madden) while your buddies start adding shareholder value in a big city. Maybe your boy Matt Damon left you to rot in Boston while he did physics with some hot British chick in LA and you’ve got no one to crush beers and ask Harvard kids if they like apples with.

Point is, there’s no shame in hitting the hometown bar by yourself. Or any bar for that matter. It’s the perfect opportunity to achieve one of the greatest joy in life: becoming boys with the bartender.

My one tip is to put your phone away. You can look at Twitter at home. Talk to people, watch the game, go play pool, or just sit there and stare off into the distance. Chicks dig that shit. You got it.

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MASTERS: Tiger ends Thursday in good position to make cut, though will have to put his body to the test with 23 holes today. More shots like this and he’ll be fine.

NBA: Pistons set history with a record-breaking 67th loss of the season, falling to the Bulls, who get 39 from DeRozan. They must hate WingStop.

Injury update: KAT is set to come back today for the T-Wolves after missing the last 6 weeks with a meniscus tear, Giannis shut down until playoffs, and Jontay Porter could be out of the NBA forever.

MLB: The season can now officially start: we’ve had our first poop series of the year. Feels good.

HOCKEY: #3 Denver and #1 Boston College win Frozen Four matchups, are set to face off in the national championship tomorrow night. This is why you play college hockey. Not for the girls.

OLYMPICS: Triathletes may boycott the River Seine in Paris because there’s too much shit to swim in it. Grow up. Some of us would kill to swim in a river of shit.

NFL: Rashee Rice turns himself in and faces 8 criminal charges for high speed car crash. All I’m hearing is that the AFC is wide open now. Go Jets.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Zuck leg-presses shitload of weight with help of limitless disposable income to buy world class trainers, nutritionists and probably some billionaire steroids.

Absolute bullshit this horse thinks he can ride the train without paying the fare. You’re not above the law because you’re an animal.

M16 reveals French spies are immune to honey trap schemes as their wives 'already know they're having affairs.’ I’ve been telling girls that monogamy is a national security threat for years. Maybe now they’ll listen.

Fuck Henry Cavill for standing up ‘every single time a woman enters the room.’ Was being Superman not enough for you? Stop trying to make us look bad, bro.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Thank you Elise for reminding us that girls are literally just teensy, tiny, smol little pipsqueaks. Another masterful performance.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Enjoy Norm MacDonald shitting on OJ for 10+ minutes. Best to ever do it.

• The NBA has a fuckload of twins right now. What’s up with the twinflux?

• Conan O’Brien has to be my all-time favorite guest on Hot Ones, a cheap $60 for 60 knockoff.

• I’m a sucker for oral histories and The Making of Sean of the Dead, Twenty Years Later, did not disappoint.

• I fucking love the Tik-Tok caricature artist. She fully outdid herself with this one. 

• Read this on your lunch break: At the conversational AI conference.