The Daily Friday: Friday 4/21

Me when the Wintergreen Zyn, 4 Miller Lites, and jalapeno poppers hit perfectly.

TODAY’S GAMEPLAN

Congrats. You made it to Friday. Here’s what’s on the docket for today’s trip around the Internet.

• Frank Ocean x Empty Netters Collab

• Elon Is Undefeated in Exploding Rockets

• Weekend Sports Guide

• What Else is Good

• Suckdown Sendoff

Let’s get into it.

FRANK OCEAN FLOPS

Is Empty Netters transitioning to an entertainment news podcast?

On Tuesday, the lads Dan and Chris Powers went full Spotlight mode, exposing their role in the Frank Ocean Coachella ice-skating performance that never happened. Every single goddam publication in the world picked it up (ever heard of a little rag known as Rolling Stone?) and soon after, Mr. Ocean was replaced by Blink 182 for this weekend’s headliner set. Thank you for your service, Powers brothers.

By the way - when did every music performance become a Broadway fucking musical? I blame the Super Bowl Halftime show, arguably the worst thing that happened to live music since the invention of Instagram stories (yes, we are skipping past your shaky recording this weekend.) No matter how impressive you think your circus act will be on stage, we would rather just hear you performing the actual music that we enjoy hearing.

I’m sure the boys would’ve skated their asses off though.

SALUTE, ELON. SALUTE.

Yesterday, SpaceX launched the most powerful rocket ever built and it exploded into a million piece after 2 minutes. This is a W in my book. Look, 2 minutes is much longer than you think. It’s practically a lifetime for most of us.

More importantly, Daddy Musk is consistent. Since 2006, SpaceX has launched dozens of rockets and every single one has blown up. That’s what you call committing to the bit. There is nothing funnier than consistent, massive failure in front of a global audience and Elon gets that.

I don’t care that you ruined Twitter and your dad is dating your stepsister. Keep doing the whole exploding rocket thing and you’re a winner in my book, pal.

THIS WAS KINDA COOL

We’re 11.11% of the way done with the MLB season. Here’s how that compares to other things, courtesy of Jay Cuda.

What a beautiful weekend to lose 100 straight bets. There’s a ton going on but here’s what to watch for.

NBA: Adam Silver is addicted to suspending players. Dillon Brooks is pretty brave for a guy who fucking sucks – will it backfire Saturday against the Big Blue Check, LeMickey? Kawhi won’t stop load managing. Get your brooms out in Atlanta and Minnesota this Sunday. Book it.

NHL: Bunting got suspended 3 games too many. The Devils are disgracing the good people of NJ. Tavares dropped a hatty. We need to mic more people up.

MLB: Fernando Tatis Jr’s suspension is over while Scherzer’s is just beginning. Shotime Otani trade rumors start to heat up. Mookie Betts is the best shortstop since Benny the Jet. New chirp just dropped.

GOLF: Fuck this shit.  

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• Head on a swivel. Alec Baldwin is returning to the set of Rust to finish shooting, hopefully just the movie this time.

• A toddler broke into the White House and triggered the Secret Service security system. My man has been watching his Boss Baby, I see. Props.

• 🚨Total fucking bullshit alert 🚨 A man won the lottery for the 3rd time this year using the same exact numbers and I can’t even hit a single parlay. I’m so done with everything.

• There’s a new Snapchat AI bot that lets you talk to chicks that are just as real as your camp girlfriend who “lives in Michigan” and “doesn’t have Instagram.”

FRIDAY SEND OFF

It’s crazy because Billy and Chet have always talked like this, I just never really noticed. Check out the full YouTube sketch and throw the channel a sub (new long form every Weds.)

Make them drag you off the floor this weekend. Commence Suckdown.