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The Daily Friday: Friday 4/28

The Daily Friday: Friday 4/28

Fuck Flounder, RIP Jerry. Johns Rock.

Jack
April 28, 2023

Gosling is absolutely breath-taking here. Let’s all channel our Ken-ergy this weekend like the king.

PS - this couple’s costume will be gracing your IG timeline approximately 1100 times this Halloween. Just a heads up.

RIP Jerry Springer
Fuck the New Flounder
Johns Rock
Weekend Sports Preview
What Else is Good
Suckdown Send Off

Let’s get into it.

RIP JERRY SPRINGER

We lost a legend yesterday. It’s hard to articulate the impact this man had on daytime television and the brain development of anyone calling in sick during elementary school. Simply put, he was an electric man who made electric content. That’s all you can ask from anyone in this world.

Let’s take you into the weekend with some of his greatest hits.

Once we lose Maury, I don’t know what I’ll do. RIP in Peace.

FUCK THE NEW FLOUNDER

I saw this new Little Mermaid poster and immediately threw up.

Disney: please stop massacring beloved animated characters by making them look real. Cartoon Flounder is cute and bashful. Real Flounder could steal your girl. It’s scary.

Disney has already taken so many beautiful characters from us (don’t get me started on what they did to Sexy Nala) and I can’t bear to see it happen again.

Here are 5 animated characters they better not make real.

Mrs. Incredible, The Incredibles: No human woman could possibly have a body like that. Nor should they.

Tinkerbell, Peter Pan: The OG manic pixie dream girl.

Sally, Cars: Technically a “machine”, but she’s an ambitious, career woman with flair aka exactly my type.

Vixen, Fox and the Hound: She is, to pardon the expression, an absolute fox.

Angelina Jolie, Fishtales: If they turn my first crush into an actual fish, I will storm Disney HQ.

I’m now realizing that I am very attracted to cartoons. Will have to reflect on that over the weekend. For now, let’s keep it moving.

POWER TO THE JOHNS

Shoutout female CEOs. Well deserved.

We should briefly acknowledge the Johns of the world for putting up historic numbers pre-2017. One name outnumbering an entire gender is Bonds in ‘04 level dominance.

What a perfect weekend to break even with your bookie for the first time in 2023.

NBA: Lebron and Ayesha Curry’s husband look to advance tonight. The Knicks square off against Office Christmas Party star Jimmy Butler on Sunday. Boston defended Janet Jackson’s honor in Atlanta and face Philly in Rd 2.

NHL: The Knights advance while every other series hangs in the balance this weekend. If the Bruins blow this, I can’t afford rent this month. Last time the Leafs won a series, Toronto looked like this.

MLB: This pitch makes zero sense. Shoutout to Drew Maggi, the 33 yr old minor leaguer who got his first MLB at-bat. New Era went Karen on the Braves and sued for their Clown Hat celebration.

NFL: Is Lamar the next Ari Gold? Houston did their best Kevin Costner impression and got 2 studs. Will Levis drank mayo and coffee in the green room all night while the Internet fell in love with his girlfriend.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Shit Your Pants Saturday got a lot easier to celebrate this weekend now that Wendy’s is selling their chili in grocery stores nationwide.
Santos needs to step his game up. The American fugitive that fled to England and faked an accent, inability to walk and need for oxygen tank is making a run for Liar of the Year.
Love always wins: these conjoined twins share a vagina, but not a boyfriend. I continue to be in awe of what humans are capable of each and every day.
My future child will not be playing Little League in the town that punishes parents that argue with umps. What’s the point of having children if you can’t scream at an underpaid teenager about balls and strikes at their rec game?
The biggest news to me in the Glen Powell drama is that Sydney Sweeney’s fiancee is the heir to a Chicago pizza empire. Mr. Deep Dish has some deep pockets - he’ll be fine no matter what happens .