The Daily Friday: Friday 5/24

1. Study finds microplastics in 100% of testicles and the human body is officially evolving. Personally, my balls are full of macroplastics but I guess I’m just built different 😤😤😤

2. Experts warn that this year’s hurricane season could be an all-timer, with up to 25 storms expected. I’m with this guy: I’m fine with whatever happens, as long as my golf clubs are ok.

3. Sean Kingston’s home raided as him and his mother are arrested for numerous fraud charges. First Diddy, now this. If they come for R. Kelly, my entire iPod shuffle library from 2007 will be fucked.

4. NCAA agrees to share $2.8 billion in revenue with athletes from the last 10 years in landmark ruling. They better hook Johnny Football up in a major way. He could’ve made trillions.

5. RFK Jr.’s running mate Nicole Shannon has lived my dream life. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, it’s time to celebrate the boys at Red Flag Pod, who landed their Moby Dick, F1 owner Gunther Stein, as a new cohost for the pod. The podcast game has changed forever. Check out their first episode and subscribe for all your racing content needs.

I LOVE THIS LADY

The woman who beat out Aaron Rodgers has officially became my role model.

This week, a report came out about Nicole Shanahan, the philanthropist and billionaire ex-wife of a Google founder who was tabbed as RFK Jr’s running mate in March, that highlighted her serial cheating, drug use, and excessive partying in Silicon Valley.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• Shanahan entered the world of Silicon Valley elite in 2014, when she began an affair with Sergey Brin, founder of Google and certified stud, weeks before her marriage to venture capitalist Jeremy Kranz. Her marriage to Kranz was annulled just 27 days later and she married Google guy in 2018. Love is officially real.

• During her marriage to Brin, she partied excessively with Silicon Valley elites, routinely ripping some casual cocaine, ketamine and pschedelic mushrooms and also porking Elon Musk. Kinda sounds like exactly what I’d do in that situation. Respect.

• In 2021, Google guy found out about the whole “sleeping with the only guy in America richer than him” thing and divorced Nicole, leaving her with just $1 billion for all her troubles. Climbing up the rungs of the billionaire ladder while partying, banging whoever you want, and amassing a small fortune is the American dream.

• While she’s never held office, Shanahan still keeps busy running a foundation and donating a shitload of money to RFK Jr. This year, she maxed out the legal amount of Super PAC contribution possible with her $4 million donation to help create and execute the insane Super Bowl commercial that his entire family hated. Impressive.

• As the official VP candidate, she can now give unlimited sums to the campaign, which is massive as they need an estimated $15 million to get on the ballot in all 50 states. Like RFK Jr., she has promoted various conspiracies, including vaccine misinformation, false childhood autism claims, and blamed ‘electromagnetic pollution from cellphones’ on chronic disease. Who needs facts or any political experience when you have the GDP of Samoa sitting in your bank account?

This tweet perfectly sums up the American presidential race. Hell yeah.

NBA: Jaylen Brown drops 40 and Celtics pull away to take 2-0 series lead after Tyrese Halliburton leaves game early to FaceTime the hoes.

Cavs fire HC Fred Bickerstaff after winning first playoff series since Lebron’s exit. Drafting Bronny might fix everything.

GOLF: Footage released from Scottie Scheffler’s arrest at PGA Championship and I’m failing to see how the $80 pants got ruined.

NHL: McJesus gets Double OT winner for his first goal in 6 post season games, as Oilers hold off Stars to take a 1-0 series lead. Thank you for apologizing for keeping us all awake. Class act.

Rangers look to even the series up tonight in MSG after Panthers dominated in Game 1. Let’s try to minimize the own goals this game, ok boys?

NFL: I’ve never related to a 3x Super Bowl winning QB more than I did after seeing Patrick Mahomes head to OTAs.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

New Hulu reality dating show Virgin Island will feature hot and sexy virgins. Kinda mad that I narrowly missed out on being eligible by 2.5 men/women.

The Four Season Baby has new competition: Dart Baby. This new generation of babies is already acting like 50 year olds and I’m 100% here for it.

Delta employees toss around college golf team’s clubs before NCAA championships. They still handle them better than the 15 year old bag drop guy at the public course near me (i hate you cris)

Can’t imagine going back to my hotel in Vegas after taking an insane amount of ketamine and seeing this sphere. That would break me as a man forever.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Liam, Will and Emily are on a heater with the podcast, collabing with my favorite Tik Tokers of all time and cracking the 100k subscriber mark. They deserve 1 million.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Rip this edit of peregrine falcons and get absolutely fired up at the pregame tonight. You won’t regret it.

• Insane Barry Bonds stat of the day: if you take away all his stats from his 7 MVP seasons, he still has 440 HRs and 359 steals. His highlights go crazy hard.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Poop Broker.

• How Kid Rock went from rockstar to MAGA spokesperson (CRAZY interview with Rolling Stones.)

• This Turkish dude crossed illegally into America and then immediately complained about how it’s too easy to cross the border. The call is coming from inside the house brother.

• Fred Armisen is a punk rocker. No, I’m not joking. Love this guy.