This man is a national treasure and a national vibe. Cherish him.
Father Teaches Valuable Lesson
US Open Guide
World Penis Rankings
The Big Game
Shit Your Pants Saturday
What Else is Good
Electric Red Flags Content
Bring This Up at the Pregame
FATHER OF THE YEAR
More 👏🏻Dads 👏🏻Like 👏🏻 This 👏🏻Please.
This Father’s Day, make sure you show your dad you care. Or he’ll pull a move like this Belgian man who faked his own death and showed up to his funeral in a helicopter to teach his children a lesson.
What a selfless act by this father. I’m sure he didn’t want to stage his own demise, wait several days before telling his children, and keep track of everyone who showed up to his funeral (less than half his family) while going viral. But he did it anyways, so his children could learn a valuable lesson about inviting him to more parties.
Hero.
THE PLAYBOY OPEN
The US Open is in full swing and there’s a lot of storylines to keep an eye on.
Is this Max Homa’s year? (yes, it’s his home course, hammer the +3500.)
Can Brooks win his 6th major? (he’s 9 strokes back, so not looking great.)
Will people ever shut the fuck up about the PGA and LIV merger? (no.)
That’s all just noise. The real story? How the Playboy Mansion’s presence in the background of the Los Angeles Country Club will impact golfers all week.
Also, this is Lionel Richie’s house on the 4th green. Wild.
Potential Distractions for Players Include:
The mansion has a zoo (??) with very loud monkeys on the 14th hole.
Hugh Hefner’s son roaming the grounds, shooting content for his OnlyFans page that he created to support his Pokemon addiction (anyone else think he looks like Bill Nye?)
Reminiscing on this Entourage scene and smiling ruefully while standing over a putt.
General Horniness.
WE FINALLY CRACKED THE TOP 60
My big question here is around measurement process. I’m assuming this chart is for erect penises since flaccid length can vary depending on temperature, pool time, and if you’re really, really nervous in front of your girlfriend.
Which means…people are getting hard in front of their doctors? I always get hard when I visit Dr. Rubenstein but that’s just because he’s my pediatrician. Curious how this works for people around the world.
NBA: Jokic continues a historic run, losing his Finals MVP trophy in the locker room and dropping another iconic quote at the championship parade. Congrats to Austin Reaves, who has his own shoe line. That checks out. Karl Anthony Townes needs to get a grip.
MLB: Love this move by Nats manager Davey Martinez. Is Yankees’ Isiah Kiner-Falefa the next Benny the Jet Rodriguez? Even Robert Manfred feels bad for the A’s.
NFL: I cannot wait for the Netflix QB doc to drop. Every team is being little bitches so the Lions might be on Hard Knocks AGAIN. Could’ve seen this one coming: Antonio Brown’s Arena Football team has already been kicked out of the league.
OTHER: These PLL stats are wild; confirmed sport of the future (Chaos +1.5 is lock of the century Saturday.) SEC football scheduled dropped and Florida got fucked.
SHIT YOUR PANTS SATURDAY
Teachers fed up with 11-year-old kids wearing diapers to school: ‘Worrying trend’ trib.al/RmhCqoV
— #New York Post (#@nypost)
5:33 PM • Jun 14, 2023
These teachers should consider getting a goddamn grip. This is a prudent move, not a “worrying trend.” Not sure why we as a society decided we drop diapers after infancy but that was a massive mistake.
I am getting a personal Huggy’s 12-pack for the weekend and I suggest you all follow suit.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Archaelogists claim they discovered a ‘6 inch stone penis’ from Medieval times which has to be some sort of mistake. That is way too big to be a penis.
A fully grown woman recently married Squidward, and after seeing dude’s nose, I totally get it. Imagine sitting on that honker. Lucky lady.
Anyone want to come over tonight and watch the I-95 construction live feed? Nothing like getting bombed during another Philly rebuild #trusttheprocess.
Kim Kardashian comes out as Anti-British after she declared ‘straight teeth’ as her biggest turn on. Please stop shaming massive, uneven, sloppy chompers. It’s cruel.
Netflix and Chilled Cucumber Soup? Streaming service opens restaurant where they’ll serve food from their top shows. If they don’t serve Pollos Hermanos, we riot.
Rudy Giuliani has criminal rizz. Literally.
I’M ADDICTED TO THE RED FLAGS DAX SHEPPARD CONTENT
I’m not even letting my girl watch Carlos Sainz on TV, let alone be in the same room as him. Thank you for your service Red Flags team.
Beyonce’s concert in Sweden led to nationwide inflation during the month of May.
This is why America will always win. We’re currently surviving a multiple month Taylor Swift tour and Sweden can’t even handle a long weekend of Beyonce.
You know the best way to beat inflation? Winning our subscriber bar tab giveaway and having us pay for your suckdown this weekend. Share this link on your Instagram and tag us at @the.daily.friday for TEN MORE CHANCES TO WIN.
Commence Weekend.
