The Daily Friday: Friday 6/2

Me texting every girl in my contact list after 3 light beers.

QUICK REMINDER: Every Tuesday morning, we are paying one lucky email subscriber’s bar tab from this weekend. Save your receipts and refer your friends for more chances to win.

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• Stephen A Remains King

• Kim Jong Un’s Impeccable Body

• Vegas is Rigged

• The Big Game

• What Else is Good

• Shit Your Pants Saturday

• Song of the Summer

• Bring This Up at the Pregame

RIP SKIP AND SHANNON

And just like that… they were gone. After 7 beautiful years, Skip Bayless and Shannon Sharpe are calling it quits.

The brightest stars burn the fastest, but true greatness is about staying power. And our True King Stephen A has that in spades. Right after the Skip and Shannon split, Stephen A drops an all-time clip, solidifying himself as the undisputed champion of the sports media world.

“You don’t have to be a baby to like breasts.” Truer words have never been said.

All hail the greatest TV talent of all time. Appreciate greatness while you can and suck a titty for the King tonight.

KIM JONG JACKED

I am blown away and inspired by Kim Jong Un, who has found the perfect health and fitness plan to look remarkably fit at 308 pounds: a perfectly curated wellness cycle of smoking, boozing and insomnia.

Look at this beautiful specimen. I was admittedly a bit nervous about my summer body but am now fully prepared to activate my “Jacked by Late June” workout regime inspired by Mr. Un. All it takes to look this good is drink more, sleep less, and smoke until your lungs collapse. Count me in.

VEGAS IS RIGGED

This is precisely why I stick to Roulette — the thinking man’s casino game.

NBA: SportsCenter has lost their mind. Jokic looks unstoppable as Nuggets take Game 1. Shoutout Monty Williams for securing the Pistons bag; $78 mil over 6 years. Van Gundy’s ideas to fix the NBA are crazy enough to work.

NHL: Can’t believe we have to wait until Saturday for the finals to start in Vegas. Enjoy the Empty Netter’s Stanley Cup preview while you wait.

MLB: Noah Syndergard is going through it right now. HBO is teaming up with the Last Dance team to make a Bonds doc, which will be simply tremendous. Zach Hample finally got cucked…by a child. .

OTHER: New thing to worry about in my backswing just dropped. Soccer player Harry Kane wants to be an NFL kicker.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• ​​I really hope this Kendall Jenner “dress” becomes the fashion trend of the summer (I am also criminally horny).

• Gen Z coins the term ‘bed rotting’ for the very normal act of wallowing in your apartment when you’re hungover. We have been calling that Sunday for 10 years.

• Frontier Airlines is offering an insane $299 ‘all you can fly’ monthly pass. They’re on some MoviePass shit and there’s no way it’s sustainable… but I’ll ride that wave until it crashes.

• An absolute legend of a child planked on plane seats during his flight. Once he pulls off a Mannequin Challenge and Harlem Shake, he’ll have all the 2011 viral trend infinity stones.

• Devastating news for big, fat, lucious, juicy mommy milkers. The woman with the largest legal breast implants just got them removed. I no longer believe in God.

SHIT YOUR PANTS SATURDAY

Absolutely incredible. The only bad part about shitting your pants every Saturday is the cleanup process. This completely eliminates that issue. What a day for the SYPS community. Rejoice!

SONG OF THE SUMMER ALERT

Breaking news: we officially have a new Song of the Summer dropping June 5th. It’s DJ Press Play’s new country music/EDM cross with Mitsy Anderson, Wheels Fall Off. PRESAVE NOW.

Congrats to Press Play for back to back weeks atop our not biased Song of the Summer rankings. Well deserved.

Frankly, even that feels high. We should eliminate mail to be honest. It’s all J-Crew catalogues and letters from Chase Sapphire about how much money you owe them. Not interesting.

You know what is interesting? Commencing Summer Suckdown. Let’s ride.