The Daily Friday: Friday 6/21

1. Louisiana passes bill mandating display of the Ten Commandments in public school classrooms. Children are so excited, they’re passing out during press conferences. Good sign.

2. Russia and North Korea sign treaty committing to a mutual defense pact. I’m just glad that Putin and Kim Jong-Un got some hang time in. Trying to get like this with my absolute boys this summer.

3. Kendrick performs Drake diss 5x in a row, joined by celebrities on stage. Gotta feel for Drake. Just minding his business at home watching Degrassi re-runs while 17k people called him a pedophile.

4. Travis Scott arrested for disorderly intoxication on his boat, tells police officers, ‘it’s Miami.’ First ‘this is going to ruin the tour,’ now this? Might get arrested just so I can say a cool one-liner. Jealous.

5. Oil protestors are spray-painting a bunch of shit. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

OIL HATES ORANGE

Just Stop Oil protestors are making a name for themselves (and orange spray paint) this week in the UK, as they have targeted two of my personal Seven Wonders of the World: Stonehenge and Taylor Swift’s private jet.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

• On Wednesday, two protestors from Just Stop Oil, sprayed the 4,5000 year old Stonehenge with orange powder. The aliens that built these are going to be very pleased. Thing needed a fresh coat of paint.

• Then yesterday, two more protestors broke into a London airport hanger and spray painted private jets. They reportedly tried to hit Taylor Swift’s plane, but accidentally spray painted another billionaire’s. Honestly, a blessing for them. The only thing scarier than Big Oil is Big Swifties.

• The group has previously thrown soup at a Van Gogh painting, ran onto the courts at Wimbledon with confetti, and glued themselves to the road to stop traffic. These are not just great stunts, but also amazing fantasy football punishment ideas. Sending to the group chat ASAP.

• The mission of the group, which gets its money from the Climate Emergency Fund, is to stop the UK government from licensing all new oil, gas and coal projects. It hasn’t really worked, like at all, but all press is good press. I’m enjoying the show, at least.

I actually think it’d be super fun to be an oil protestor. I love public vandalism and getting tons of attention. I don’t technically ‘care’ about any true ‘causes,’ but that’s a minor detail we can work out. Happy to be flexible.

CALLING ALL COCKROACH HEADS

This shirt goes unbelievably hard. Instant conversation starter at the bar.

NBA: J.J. Redick officially will coach his co-podcaster’s team this year. Starting a podcast has never been a better career move.

Off-season starts with a splash as Bulls and Thunder swap Alex Caruso and Josh Giddey. Chicago high schools are currently on high alert.

NHL: Oilers and Panthers square off tonight in Game 6 and the Empty Netters brought their A game. Oilers in 7. Book it (don’t hold me to that please.)

SWIMMING: Katie Ledecky’s 1500M freestyle dominance is the most impressive American athletic achievement ever. That includes Joey Chestnut and Chris Nilan.

NFL: I could listen to Tom Brady talk about football for hours, but I never want to have to hear about Matt Stafford’s wife cheating on him in college again. Poor Matthew.

MLB: I kinda believe Barry Bonds: he would go yard on Satchel Paige.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

HUGE NEWS for all my fellow lovers of pooping in Pringles cans and throwing them in parking lots. You can do this and still keep your law license.

My bad. I had a tough day at work and threw some chairs off a skyscraper in NYC. Didn’t realize it was such a big deal (thanks Obama.)

Justice for Lynne the Mime, who was fired from Seaworld this week for a disagreement with a security guard. Can mimes really get into disagreements if they don’t talk? Hand motions can only go so far.

What the hell, guys? I organized a naked bike ride in San Antonio and literally no one showed up. This feels like my 13th birthday all over again.

OPENING FOR DAVE CHAPELLE

What a resume from Mark Smalls here. Opening for Dave Chappelle, passing Donald Trump a Zyn, beating Caitlyn Jenner in golf. The top 3 things on my bucket list tbh.

Watch the full episode of the latest 60 for 60 here. It’s a doozy.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Gotta feel for this guy who found out his ex-girlfriend was dating Bill Belichick. And to be a Jets fan too? Double whammy.

• If you watch anything today, watch Reggie Jackson talking about his time in the majors. Worth the 3 minutes.

• Read this on your lunch break: the man who spent a third of his life in solitary confinement.

• We have footage of Willie Mays playing stickball in NYC but none of Wilt scoring 100 points. Make it make sense.

• Inside the bizarre sex cult, financial misdeeds and foul play surrounding the author of the Don Juan novels. Great read.

• RIP to Donald Sunderland, who passed away at 88 years old.