The Daily Friday: Friday 7/19

1. Shane Lowry holds lead at The Open but could not hold his temper with a cameraman. Just classic Irish guy stuff right there. PS: Scottie Scheffler’s caddie is an absolute warrior.

2. RNC wraps up with Trump receiving an endorsement from the most important man in politics: Hulk Hogan. Meanwhile, Biden could be dropping out this weekend with the DNC one month away. Chaos szn.

3. Warner Bros. Discovery may split up company to boost stock price. Pitch - do 3 businesses, one called “HBO” that makes incest dragon TV, one movie studio and one that airs Milf Manor 2. Revolutionary.

4. Michelob Ultra takes #2 beer spot from Bud Light, while Modelo stays #1. I’ll take a Friday Beer over all ‘em. Not only is it delicious, it’s also the best beer to pour down your pants. Scientifically proven.

5. A massive Microsoft outage is fucking everything up. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, BREAKING NOWS: the first episode of Hold the Phone, the new live gambling show from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy, is airing as we speak.

Tune in or regret it for the rest of your life.

OUTAGE FUCKS SHIT UP

What a day for the biggest IT outage in history.

This morning, a software update for Microsoft Windows issued by the cybersecurity firm CloudStrike failed and essentially has shut down the entire world. Would reallyyyy suck to be on that customer service team today.

This is a developing story (aka stuff might change after I send it so don’t get mad at me) but for now….LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• The Microsoft outage has impacted nearly every aspect of the business world, including airlines, banks, and emergency services. It did not impact Outlook or Teams so what the hell is the point? It’s time to take matters into my own hands and light the boss’s office on fire. Happy hour starts early today, no matter what.

• Airlines like United, American and Delta have cancelled over 1,400+ flights and delayed 3,600+ this morning, asking people to have ‘grace and patience.’ Luckily, that’s exactly what airplane passengers are known for. They should take their cues from this girl. She just gets it.

• The London Stock Exchange’s real time trading platforms have experienced technical issues, which will absolutely be a plot point in the next season of Industry. If British investment bankers can’t get even richer, I’m not sure how I’ll sleep tonight. Praying for you.

• Payment readers are also affected at businesses, making it challenging to use cards or Apple Pay. Gonna be a problem. In today’s society, outside of buying drugs or going to bars down the Jersey Shore (shoutout Parker House) there’s no reason to ever have cash on you. I hope my deli takes IOUs.

Though Microsoft says that the underlying issues with the software have been addressed and the CyberStrike CEO has apologized, there is no timeline on when everything will be back.

It’s pretty fucking crazy that one bad software update can shut down the entire world. Hot take: that’s a problem. Someone smarter than me fix it, please.

NBA: Fully gasped when I saw this dunk from Alondes Williams. Dunk of the Summer.

 Nuggets trade for Russell Westbrook in latest major move of NBA off-season. Can’t wait to see him and Jokic battle for triple doubles.

MLS: 14 year old Cavan Sullivan beats Freddy Adu’s record, becomes youngest MLS player ever. Poor kid is gonna miss so many of his boy’s bar mitzvahs.

CFB: Finally, we’re free. The SEC will no longer penalize the horns down gesture. Prepare to see it about 100x a game now.

Arkansas HC Sam Pittman says this year’s motto is to ‘embrace the hog.’ Fully support this. Personally been doing that every day since I was 12, but it’s always nice to have the reminder.

ALMOST RIKI’D

What’s up, smart and beautiful readers of The Daily Friday. Today we’d like to make a very special introduction to our new friend Riki - aka our new favorite canned mixed drink, Soon, it’ll be yours too. 

Here’s why. 

1. Riki Gets You Drunk: Each drink is 7% ABV, giving you way more bang for your buck. If you’re not a math guy, that’s equivalent to 1.5 shots per can, 2.5 shots per tall boy, and 1 bottle of alcohol per 12 pack. That’s 55% higher ABV than High Noon! Pretty damn good. 

2. Riki Tastes Delicious: Riki’s made with award-winning Breckenridge Distillery spirits (vodka and tequila) and is chock-full of all-natural fruit juice in every sip. Scrumptious. 

3. Riki Has Insane Giveaways: we’re partnering with Riki to send 4 lucky winners to Vegas on Labor Day Weekend (here’s how to enter) plus way more fun shit down the road. Stay tuned. 

So, what are you waiting for?

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Pisser of the Week goes to this fella who peed on the floor after flight attendants said he couldn’t use bathroom while seatbelt sign was on. When natures calls, you answer.

A Dubai Princess officially divorced her husband via Instagram post. Are IG posts actually legally binding? If so, I might be in hot water for this one.

90 Day Fiancee star who sells her farts in jars says she is being threatened by her boyfriend, a married Republican senator. Lot to unpack here. Or should I say…un-jar 😏

Billionaire purchases stegosaurus for $45 million at an auction sale. Biggest waste of $45 mil since the Suns signed Bradley Beal to play 50 games and lose in the Round 1.

FRIDAY BEERS OLYMPICS

There’s only one way to show true patriotism this year: stock up on all our Olympics apparel. Like immediately.

This sucker is going to be a staple item for me personally.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• In honor Skip Bayless getting fired and Dark Knight celebrating its 16th birthday, let’s enjoy his all-time debate with Stephen A on the movie. Horrible takes as always. Never change king.

• I really needed this millennial’s guide to beating the tweens online in College Football ‘25. I’m getting my ass kicked out here.

• Personally, I’d rather be myself (broke, drowning in credit card debt, depressed) than Michael Rubin (billionaire, white party haver, happy.) At least I can throw a baseball like a human being.

• Read this on your lunch break: Elon Musk’s “anti-woke” Grok chatbot may actually be the opposite.

• Willy D sat down with AFTV director Tyler Falbo for an electric interview. Perfect thing to toss onto the second monitor as you coast into the weekend.

• The Olympics start in a week. Let’s celebrate by reliving the greatest swimming relay ever. Michael Phelps is a god.