The Daily Friday: Friday 7/7

If you somehow scored an invite, what would you even talk about with anyone at the Michael Rubin White Party? I would have no choice but to get blackout drunk. Works every time.

• Everything You Need to Know about Threads

• Wimbledon Bans Fucking

• Social Media Adoption Chart

• The Big Game: Elly Bat Flip, NBA movement, PLL Bets.

• Shit Your Pants Saturday

• What Else is Good: Curved Penis, MGK Punch, Selena BF?

• Bring This Up at the Pregame Stat

THREAD LEVEL MIDNIGHT

Don’t thread on me 😤 It’s been just over 36 hours since Instagram dropped their Twitter rival Threads and shit has gotten very real.

Here at The Daily Friday, we’ve been spending every second on the platform because we love you and have nothing else to live for. We’re here to break it down for all of you with actual jobs and friends.

HOW DOES IT WORK? Basically the same as Twitter. It’s missing some features but the same format with the same content. It just looks nicer, the algorithm is different and you’re following different people.

HOW DO I USE IT? You can import your IG profile and all the accounts you already following, including The Daily Friday (love their content) and this legend. Takes like 2 seconds.

ARE PEOPLE USING IT? There’s over 55 million users already, roughly the salary of the NBA’s 47th leading scorer if converted to dollars.

IS ELON BEING A BITCH ABOUT IT? Yes! He is suing Meta and calls threads “cheating.” 

SHOULD I JOIN IT? Yeah. It’s pretty fun and honestly, you needed another app to check every 4-7 minutes. Mixes it up.

If you do join, please don’t post “is this thing on??!” or “what even is this 🤣.” That’s been 90% of the brand and celeb account posts, so just saving you some trouble.

WIMBLEDON HATES SEX

Let. Them. Fuck.

Add this to the long list of why England sucks total ass; the CEO of Wimbledon has now banned people from having sex in the quiet room during play. Prudes.

This is coming off the heels of last year’s tournament, where multiple couples were caught making love and/or fucking in the rooms designated for prayer at the tennis court. And? God should be present every time you have sex. It’s beautiful, not inappropriate.

Fact is, tennis is the sexiest sport we have right. The grunting. The skirts. The exposed ankles. If you tell people they can’t pork in the quiet rooms, they’re just gonna do it on the court itself, which I personally would not hate. You learn by watching, after all.

THREADS WILL HIT THIS IN 1 WEEK

Daily Friday has 4 months to grow our email subscriber base by a mere 15,384% and beat Tik-Tok. Challenge accepted.

MLB: This Elly De La Cruz bat flip after an illegal bat inspection is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Altuve out until after the All Star Break. Thoughts and prayers to the YES cameraman who got their shit rocked by an errant throw.

NBA: NBA in-season tournament could happen next season in Vegas. Celt’s Grant Williams allegedly heading to the Mavs in sign-and-trade. #2 pick Brandon Miller already has 15 fouls in his first 2 games. Dude really has trouble following the rules. Rondo’s son can hoop.

OTHER: Wimbledon heating up as #4 Ruud falls in the third round. PLL Saturdays tomorrow…my money’s on Chaos -1.5 and Gannons ML. HAMMER. PLAYER VS. FAN FIGHT AT INDOOR FOOTBALL. Can they make this a legit sport? 

SHIT YOUR PANTS SATURDAY

Shoutout to Butter Dawg. This dude just eats straight butter and raw meat on the feed every single day. I can only imagine what his shits look like but I’m sure doctors study him.

butter__dawg

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Dudes has be walking around all day with a full diaper on in case he shits out raw hamburger meat and I find that very glorious.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• Girls: “he’s probably out cheating on me.” Me with the boys: “No, I just have dementia.”

• A fan begged MGK to punch him in the face on stage at a concert and our man delivered. You get what you ask for.

• Hit me baby one more time. Britney Spears gets backhanded in the face by Wemby’s security guard. I blame Will Smith for normalizing public slapping.

• Bigfoot’s most prolific hunter was found dead; top suspect would have to be the gigantic beast that has been hiding in secrecy for decades right?

• Yes chef. Wizards on Deck with Hannah Montana co-star Selena Gomez is dating Jeremy Allen White. They probably fuck like crazy. Just saying.

• Fuck curved penis syndrome…we will no longer suffer in silence.

• Until dollar menu do us part. McDonald’s introduces a new $200 wedding package which is a pretty standard Saturday night for me.

If I’ve already achieved my peak, I’m completely fucked.

REMINDER: Save your receipts this weekend. If you refer enough people, we just might pay your bar tab. Learn more.