The Daily Friday: Friday 8/18

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Drake and Bobbi have unfollowed each other. How to explain this to your father who worked 80 hr. weeks to send you to college.

2. Britney Spears is headed for a divorce, after husband claims she attacked him in her sleep and slept with house staff. My girl is messy and that’s why I love her.

3. THIS LEAGUE. Shannon Sharpe will join Stephen A Smith twice a week on First Take. How could he do that to Skip?

4. Sorry I got cum everywhere. Chick-Fil-A just announced their first new chicken sandwich in 9 years and I jizzed my jorts so quickly.

5. Argentinian presidential candidate Javier Milei has lived an absolutely insane life. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD?

The simulation is officially broken. Javier Milei has won the Argentinian presidential primary and my vote as the most interesting man in the world.

Sure, the dude has some very radical political ideas. But the only thing more extreme than his views is the life he has lived.

Here are some facts about him.

• His hair situation is astounding.  Is it a mullet? A mohawk? A magic trick? He’s nicknamed ‘The Wig,’ but I choose to believe it’s all natural.

• Before politics, he was in a Rolling Stones cover band, played on a second tier professional soccer team, and was a tantric sex coach. Music, sports and meditative fucking; the Big 3 of cool shit.

• He’s the proud owner of 5 English Mastiffs that he calls his children. 4 of the dogs are clones of his first dog Conan. Did not know that technology was available but all the power to him, I guess.

• His Vice President is a professional cosplayer and the only one allowed to touch his hair. Would.

What a beautiful world we live in.

JIMMY BUFFET BULLET TRAIN?

Fuck Pete Buttigieg. Let’s make Jimmy Buffet the Transportation Secretary, build the Margaritaville High Speed Rail and fix this country once and for all.

We need bullet trains and we needed them yesterday. Hopefully this is the kick in the ass that this country needs to join the 21st century.

MLB: Fernando Tatis Jr. is a top 2 most electric player in the game today.

The Wander Franco saga keeps getting worse, as a second minor has filed a complaint in the DR and teams are saying he’ll never play in the MLB again.

NFL: Jamar Chase files restraining order against one-night stand that has been harassing him and his mother. He and Zion need to learn from Jeter…a gift basket of signed memorabilia would make all this go away.

Pete Carroll has at least one more drive in him.

NBA: Enes Kenter claims he could score 60 points a game and average 30 rebounds per game in the NBA. No you couldn’t dude.

LLWS: I don’t give a shit that this Chinese kid is topping out at 81. I will sit fastball, turn on anything in the zone, and send that shit 400+ feet into orbit. Fuck you kid.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Leggo my Prosecco. Eggo releases new “Brunch in a Jar” liqueur to help you black out before 3 PM. I would gladly shit my pants after drinking this.

The final boss of big heavies. Drake’s dad throws world’s largest bra on stage at his concert and I’m jealous af. I wish me and my dad did more stuff like this.

Shoutout Entrapranure for securing $10k from this Stranger Things fan by claiming to be Dacre Montgomery online. Hustlers hustle, it’s simple as that.

Taylor Swift has turned down the Super Bowl halftime show for the 9th year in a row, clearing the way for Planet of the Bass to take the main stage.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Dream woman just dropped. Eilise has been dropping bangers on the timeline and I don’t want it to stop any time soon.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• I need to wake up to this iPhone piano ballad.

• How HGTV’s ‘Barbie Dreamhouse Challenge’ became a neighborhood nightmare.

• Can’t stop watching this video.

• I wish I had as much confidence as this woman pretending to be a sign language for the police.

• Breaking down the appeal of Rich Men North of Richmond.

RUSTY RANKS BARS

I’m captivated by these videos. They have a hold on my mind in a way that scientists and scholars can’t explain. Not gonna question it and neither should you.