The Daily Friday: Monday 10/16

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Jada Pinkett-Smith continues her Will Smith humiliation tour, claiming Tupac had alopecia and was her soulmate. Our tips for how Will can win the PR war.

2. Israeli-Hamas conflict escalates, as Gaza attacks over the weekend spark concerns of a global conflict and worldwide recession. Just what we needed!

3. Republicans nominate Jim Jordan, former Ohio State wrestling coach, for House Speaker, though he’s not expected to be voted in by the party. Can you guys figure this out please? Kind of annoying.

4. Rangers take a 1-0 ALCS lead on the Astros after insane catch by Evan Carter doubles up Jose Altuve. God I love playoff baseball.

5. Taylor Swift is the world’s biggest movie star. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

TAYLOR SWIFT IS A MOVIE STAR

Donna Kelce’s future daughter-in-law is the most dominant force in entertainment and it’s not even close.

Taylor Swift’s Era’s Tour concert film was released over the weekend and is already setting all kinds of records.

HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

• The film is estimated to have grossed $95 - $98 million in its opening weekend, making it the highest grossest concert film of all time and potentially the biggest October opening weekend ever (2019’s The Joker currently holds the record with $96.2 million in ticket sales from sad weirdos everywhere.)

• While the film was exclusively released at AMC and Cinemarks, over 4.8 million people attended, equivalent to the entire population of Ireland and 1% of the total views for Gangam Style.

• After theaters relaxed rules around etiquette, Swifties spent the film singing and dancing in the aisles. Can’t get that mad. Me and fellas were doing the same exact thing when Boss Baby 2 came out.

• The true highlight of the weekend came on Saturday, when she and her slampiece Travis Kelce made a surprise appearances on an actually good episode of SNL and spotted doing hand stuff in public afterwards. Spicy.

THE ACT IS KICKING GEN Z’S ASS

80% of colleges don’t require standardized testing, so who gives a fuck? Also, let’s admit that the ACT is fake as hell. Always has been, always will be.

In high school, one of my buddies got a 35 on the writing section and a 19 on the reading. Apparently, he could write like a poet but couldn’t read a word of it? Truly tragic tale.

NFL: Can’t wait to see how much the NFL fines Tyreek Hill for this sick celebration.

Jets stun the Eagles as Hurts throws back-breaking late game pick, Giants fall to Bills after missed PI call on last play of the game, and Brock Purdy comes down to Earth after 49ers lose Deebo and McCaffrey.

CFB: Colorado State had one of the craziest Hail Mary’s you’ll see. Bigggg year for Hail Mary’s in college footbal. I’m with it.

USC sucks, Michigan looks unstoppable, and Washington pulls off the W in a wild finish against Oregon, climbs to #5 in the polls.

NBA: Thomas Bryant reacted to Wembanyama’s dunk exactly the way I would. How in God’s name do you stop that?

OTHER: Iowa women’s basketball had 55k fans attend an outdoor basketball game as Caitlin Clark scored more points (34) in that stadium than the Iowa football team has scored since 2021. She is Him.

Danis-Paul ends in brawl! Pretty embarrassing display for Dillion. Logan kicked his ass all night long.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

On Friday, George Santos left a Congressman’s office with a baby in his arms. When asked if it was his baby, he said “not yet.” He’s probably the funniest person in the game right now, have to tip the cap.

Apparently, it’s now Small Penis Fall? It’s Small Penis Fall every day of the year in my household. My culture is not your costume, Men’ Health Magazine.

This is what happens when you watch too much Suits. Man who faked being a lawyer and won 26 cases was finally arrested in Kenya.

Kamala Harris is must watch TV. I truly never know what direction a speech will take and it’s absolutely electric. Such a shame she wasn’t VP while Maya Rudolph was on SNL.

MONDAY MOVE

A big time move. Absolutely love hitting up my boys just to ‘check in on my investment,’ and make sure they don’t go too hard on Sunday Fundays. Can’t have them dragging on Monday. Think of the shareholders.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Therapists weigh in on how to deal with the Israeli-Hamas war from afar.

• I don’t understand a single rule of this slap boxing sport but this guy is the greatest to ever do it. 

• The Greatest Beat the Traffic Guy of All Time.

• Drake Lyrics Taxonomy is the kind of in-depth read you need to get through the Monday Blues.

• Can this happen to all YouTube pranksters please?