The Daily Friday: Monday 11/13

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. 5 NFL games decided by last minute field goals, most in history. The Cowboys-Giants game was not one of those games, but at least Tommy Devito gets to go home to his mom’s chicken cutlets. 

2. Republican prez candidate Tim Scott drops out of race, now free to spend more time with his definitely real girlfriend.

3. Taylor Swift changes lyrics of Karma to reference Travis Kelce after he visits her at Argentina show. I know Travis can’t wait to get a full gossip sesh in with the boys at practice this week.

4. FBI investigates NYC mayor Eric Adams over possible Turkish consulate bribe, confiscating his phone and iPad. Classic ‘14 year old getting grounded’ punishment right there.

5. The Marvels has worst opening weekend ever for any MCU film. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

THE MARVELS FLOPS

The Marvels, a sequel to 2019’s Captain Marvel, flopped this weekend at the box office so bad that even this guy couldn’t save it. 

Could this be a turning point for Disney and studios, who have been criticized for their hyper-fixation on superhero movies? I sure hope so.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• The movie took home $47 million, an all-time low for a Marvel movie release and 1/3 of what Captain Marvel brought in 4 years ago. Jimbo Fisher is currently getting paid nearly double that to not work for 8 years.

• The previous low for Marvel film was 2015’s Ant-Man ($57 million) and 2022’s Morbius ($39 million,) which was so bad that Jared Leto was forced to pivot to a career as an Empire State Building climber. Sad to see.

• While reviews were not strong for the film (62% on Rotten Tomatoes, B rating on CinemaScore, and one sentence from Hideo Kojima) and actors weren’t allowed to promote the movie during the strike, the flop can be attributed to a larger issue: an over-saturation in superhero movies and fatigue from audiences. Fucking finally.

Can we start making good movies now? And no, I’m not talking about another remake of a musical that is based on the movie. I’m talking good, old-fashioned comedies that actually get released and not cancelled for tax breaks.

 Justice for Coyote vs. Acme. I would actually watch the shit out of that.

FREE DOZEN DONUTS AT KRISPY KREME DAY

Krispy Kreme is giving out free dozen donuts today. They are also free every day of year if you report your card as stolen after you purchase. Life hack.

Free Dozen Donuts Day is wayyy better than Free Slurpee day at 7/11. A slurpee costs like $3 on any given day, yet people line up around the fucking block for it? I’m not standing in line for brain-freeze. Man’s gotta have a code.

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NFL: Josh Dobbs is the truth. I love this man.

Hard to watch someone else live out your dream. Crazy Texans W (shoutout CJ Stroud, legit MVP candidate) nets bettor $5.5 mil parlay payout. Asshole.

Michael Thomas arrested for battery after confronting contractor who kept parking in front of his house. I blame Derek Carr.

NBA: Tyrese Maxwell drops 50 and Embiid pours in 37, as Sixers get emotional win the day after Kelly Oubre Jr. was hit by a car. Wild.

Oh brother, this James Harden guy STINKS.

CFB: Jimbo Fischer will be paid $76 million by Texas A&M to not coach the next 8 years. Is it too late for me to get into big time college football coaching? Dream job right there.

Inspiring moment for Michigan, as Coach Sherrone Moore honors the fallen Jim Harbaugh (suspended for cheating) and steals my go-to drunk move.

Jayden Daniels goes off for over 600+ total yards and 5 TDs in LSU win over Florida. COCK SHOT. Thoughts and prayers to everyone who had Washington -9.5 Saturday. How do players keep doing this?

OTHER: There will never be another like Stephen A Smith.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Day-care workers charged with organizing a “toddler fight club.” I don’t condone this behavior but I would also absolutely bet on it. Just saying.

Ochocinco and Terrell Owens once had an orgy with 17 women over 12 hours. Unnatural. The male body was only meant to have sex with one person every 27 months and then reply 🔥 to their IG stories for eternity.

Grammy nominations announced as SZA tops list with 9 nods. Of course, TJ Mack was once again snubbed. There is no appreciation for art anymore.

Great Guy Alert: Tristan Thompson says “when I cheat, I feel disgusted the next day.” More 👏🏻 men 👏🏻 like 👏🏻 this 👏🏻 please 👏🏻

MONDAY MOVE

Can’t imagine a more stressful situation. I have many weaknesses (too much of a perfectionist, too rich for my own good, body is too jacked, etc.) but parallel parking is #1 on that list.

I’d like to think the pressure of a group chirp would help me rise to the occasion but that’s wishful thinking. I would have a mental breakdown in the middle of the street and have to get out of the car and walk home. Man enough to admit that.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Hiring a courtroom sketch artist to draw you a flattering portrait to use on dating apps to find love? Could be the move.

• Bonefishing Off Bimini with Bobby Knight.

• Watching this guy put on 64 basketball jerseys is strangely captivating. Need to see him take them off.

• Tavon Austin’s high school highlight tape still gives me chills.

• The role of observation in art and romance is a good, long read.

• The Mavericks announcer went OFF on James Harden. Let him cook.