The Daily Friday: Monday 12/18

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Rudy Giuliani ordered to pay $148 million in 2020 election defamation lawsuit. He can’t even pay his bodyguard enough to get a decent hair cut, there’s no shot those people see their money.

2. 40% of student loan borrowers did not make a payment after pandemic student loan freeze ended. Let’s get this to 100%. They can’t stop all of us.

3. Fired Senate staffer who filmed sex tape in Congressional hearing room claims he’s been attacked ‘to pursue a political agenda.’ Pretty sure it was because you recorded yourself banging in your place of work, but what do I know?

4. Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny have broken up. May I offer you a Pepsi during these trying times Ms. Jenner? #rizz

5. Bezos’ rocket ship is set to launch to space today. Probably a good sign that all the billionaires are fleeing our planet or building apocalypse bunkers right?

IS MARRIAGE OVER?

Little stunned at how low that 1990s bar is to be honest. It feels like my entire Instagram feed is proposals and I’m going to a wedding or bachelor party once a month. Maybe I’m just friends with disgusting little freaks who care about eternal love. I don’t hate that at all.

What’s really shocking is that 90% of people born in the 1940s were married by age 30. 90%! Can you imagine being 30 and single in like 1975? There’s no dating apps, all your friends have like 4 kids, and there’s not even good porn yet. What the hell would you even do? Meet someone square dancing or some shit?

Here’s the good news - the US divorce rate is at a 50 year low, so maybe waiting a little longer to get married isn’t all that bad. Only downside is this next generation won’t be full of children who blame themselves for their parents divorce (it absolutely was your fault btw.) Damn shame.

WORLD’S MOST COMFORTABLE JEANS

Is there anything better than a good pair of jeans? You know that one pair that has the perfect combination of comfort, fashion, and versatility? The kind you wear so much it feels like part of your body at this point?

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you’ve simply never tried Mugsy jeans. 

Fun fact: I have 2 pairs of Mugsy jeans and they’re the only pants I wear from September to April. They’re comfortable enough for when I work from home, professional enough to wear to the office, and stylish enough to rock at a fancy dinner or cocktail party if I’m feeling like a bad boy. 

Ever since they re-invented the jeans game in 2015, Mugsy has worked with some of the best designers and manufacturers around the world to deliver the finest quality fabrics for your jeans, chinos, tops and joggers. That’s pretty chill.

Plus, first time customers can get 20% BACK on their first order right now.

Smash that link, enter your email and the discount is automatically added.

NFL: Even after dropping ticket prices to 45 CENTS, the Panthers stadium was a ghost town. JV football games in Texas get better attendance than this.

The Jets get their dicks kicked in 30-0 by Miami, extend their playoff drought to a record 13 straight years. Cowboys shit the bed, Joe Flacco defies the odds and Jared Goff is a golden god. What else is new?

Jameis Winston is the most inspirational man alive. He’s going to be an amazing preacher after he retires.

NBA: Jordan Poole and the Wizards are on an all-time run right now. Very unserious team.

MLB: Dodgers fans can thank Kobe for delivering them Shohei Ohtani.

OTHER: Charlie Woods is the truth. Kid is 14 years old and driving par-4 greens. God bless him.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Sorry dentists, but grinding in your sleep just got a whole lot easier. A lucid dream startup has created a device that allows people to work while dreaming. Finally.

Woman with 3 husbands who practices ‘Vikingism’ held a 4th partner captive as sex slave and made her offer a puppy as sacrifice ‘to the Gods.’ I miss when Vikingism meant losing in the playoffs in heartbreaking fashion.

I don’t care what everyone says. I have decided to believe that these Trump quotes about Panera Lemonade are real. I need this right now.

MONDAY MOVE

Definition of galaxy brain thinking right here. Save yourself 4-6 hours and let your buddy do the heavy lifting for you. That’s what friends are for.

In that spirit, here’s two recommendations for new shows that I actually watched: Bookie (very good comedy on HBO with Sebastian Maniscalco) and Murder at the End of the World (thriller / murder mystery on Hulu.) Gripping stuff.

You’re not gonna do shit at work this week anyways, so bang these out before the holidays. You’re welcome.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Really liked Rusty’s Quest for Love in Nashville. Quality content right there.

• A Tale of Two Kebabs.

• Paul Rudd and Jason Sudeikis high as a kite promoting I Love You Man has gotta be my favorite celebrity interview moment ever.

• The 84 Sentences that Explain 2023 wrapped up the year nicely.

• Matthew Perry’s cause of death was determined to be ketamine, a blow to everyone in Silicon Valley.