The Daily Friday: Monday 12/4

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Alabama selected for final spot in CFB playoff after controversial committee decision. 13-0 FSU is pissed and Michigan is scared shitless.

2. Rizz named word of the year by Oxford, beating out ‘Swiftie’ and ‘situationship.’ Absolute snub for Gyatt. I know Shakespeare is rolling over in his grave about that one.

3. Florida GOP chair Ziegler won’t step down amid sexual battery accusations from a woman that he and his wife, the founder of conservative group Moms for Liberty, previously had threesomes with. Lot going on there.

4. Dua Lipa ditches boyfriend in another desperate attempt to get my attention. Sorry Ms. Lipa, but the cat and mouse game will continue. It’s part of the fun.

5. Santos expelled from Congress and is on to bigger and better things. The upcoming Max movie on his life will be a must watch. God I love this man.

I’M SO UPSET WITH THE STATE OF THE WORLD

I thought pineapple on pizza was bad, but corn? Avocado? Carrots? TUNA??? These things belong in a poke bowl, not on top of a hot circle of cheese, bread and red sauce. What’s next, we sprinkle seaweed salad on our pizza before we dip it in miso soup? Really trying not to let this ruin my day, but it’s difficult.

I just know Papa John is sweating his ass off looking at this map. The reckoning is coming…save us Papa. Save us.

YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS

When the winter comes around, it’s normal for the ol’ mental health to crash hard. It’s cold, it’s dark, and sometimes you just wanna curl up, look at pictures of your ex and her jacked new boyfriend on Instagram, and hate yourself until you go to sleep.

Happens to the best of us. For me, the only thing that makes me feel better (besides hitting all 7 legs of my NFL parlay) is talking it out. With a trained professional.

With BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist in less than 48 hours. No more waiting days, weeks or even months to find someone.

Sign up with code FRIDAY25 for 25% off your first month today.

NFL: RIP to this camera man’s leg. All time guttural yell afterward.

Eagles Head of Security Dom DiSandro will die as a Philly legend after eating a punch from 49ers Chad Greenlaw (Niners still smoked them tho.)

Jordan Love throws 3 TDs as the Packers and the refs beat KC, Tyreek and Archane each score 2 TDs as Dolphins trounce Commanders, and Texans move to 7-5 but lose rookie WR Tank Dell for rest of the year.

If you watched the Jets-Falcons game, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

CFB: There’s glue guys, and then there’s the Troy Get Back coach. Dude is just on another level. Respect.

This golf simulator has gotta be out of business after running a ‘Free Beer until Iowa Scores’ promo right? I could’ve told you they’d get shut out. 

NBA: Rockets coach Ime Udoka ejected for jawing with Lebron and calling him a whiny bitch. He’s not wrong.

Prepare for this quote from Tyrese Haliburton to be meme’d into oblivion.

OTHER: This block will change the game of basketball forever. I’d have to quit on the spot if this happened to me.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

No dude has ever rocked hard than this paralyzed man who communicated for the first time in months to say “I want a beer,’ ask to play the band Tool ‘loud’ and tell his 4 year old son, ‘I love my cool son.’

Rubi Rose’s #1 spender on OnlyFans, drops $63k a MONTH on her page. Dude could buy 12 Honda Accords a year but chooses to support a struggling sex worker. Beautiful.

I found my new perfect woman and it’s the lady who stole a van filled with 10,000 Krispy Kreme donuts. She checks all my boxes (provider, lover of donuts, comfortable with auto theft, etc.)

MONDAY MOVE

God, this would feel good. I might make a map-related plan just to do this. Would absolutely be worth it.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Fuck it, Barry Sanders highlights.

• Very good breakdown of the top TV shows of 2023. Biggg Silo guy.

• House of Dragons is back this summer. Check out the Season 2 trailer.

• The strangely beautiful experience of Google Reviews.

• Death of a (really good) Salesman: the fall of a powerful executive who decide to start robbing banks.