The Daily Friday: Monday 4/1

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. It’s April Fools Day, so make sure you’re on guard for some bullshit from brands and the NYT Connections game. This made me so mad.

2. Godzilla x Kong pulls in $194 million in largest opening weekend of 2024. If you don’t want to fork over $28.99 to see it in iMax, just watch Zach Edey vs. DJ Burns on Saturday. Same thing.

3. Discord will now allow ads to be served on its platform for the first time ever. Its users are still not allowed to speak to women or talk about anything besides NFTs and anime. Rules are rules.

4. AT&T data breach includes Social Security numbers and passcodes of 73 million current and former subscribers. Hackers, I’ll save you some time: my password is IWantoMarryLilyfromyourCommercials1234!

5. Cinderella’s slipper still fits. It was a wild weekend of action in the NCAA tournament…LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

CINDERELLA SEASON MARCHES ON

“Well…that’s why they call it Madness 😂😂” - your 52 year old coworker Jim with a wife and 3 kids that he openly despises.

Honestly though, Jim is kinda right. It was a truly wild weekend of hoops, as the Final Four is set in Phoenix on the men’s side, a three-point line controversy hit the women’s bracket, and the biggest matchup of the year (men and women) is set for tonight.

LET’S BREAK IT ALL DOWN

MEN’S ELITE 8 RECAP

• NC State is headed to their first Final Four since 1983, as America’s sweetheart DJ Burns dominates Duke down the stretch, pouring in 29 points and sending the Tik-Tokers home in style. Honestly, my favorite part about DJ is his rap career: this shit has been stuck in my head nonstop. Banger.

• The Wolfpack will face Purdue, which makes their first Final Four since 1980 following a 40 point outburst from Zach Edey. I never thought I’d have much in common with a 7’4 Canadian until I realized we both get massive public erections at inopportune times. Pulling you for now, my brother. Welcome to the community.

• Rounding out the rest of the Final Four are last year’s champions UConn, who went on a 30-0 run to bury Illinois (this quote from Danny Hurley 4 years ago is looking like an all timer) and Alabama Crimson Tide, whose head coach Nate Oats is just 11 years removed from slinging Flaming Hot Cheetos to fundraise for his high school basketball team. Legend.

WOMEN’S SIDE ROUND-UP

• South Carolina remains undefeated and punches their ticket to the Final Four, along with NC State, who won despite some pre-game controversy around the 3 point lines, which were different lengths on each side of the court. As someone who has at least 4 typos a newsletter, I can’t get that mad at the court painter here. There are no mistakes, only happy accidents 🙏🏻

• Two more Elite 8 matchups tonight, including the much anticipated rematch of last year’s title game as #3 LSU and Angel Reese face #1 seed Iowa and Caitlin Clark. LSU coach Kim Mulkey looks to recover from a not-that-bad article in the Washington Post, the race war is officially on, and Caitlin Clark could be playing her last game before joining Ice Cub in the Big 3. LFG.

ELEVATE YOUR GAME

Don't let the madness on the court this year overshadow the importance of maintaining balance off the court. 

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MLB: Gotta love Bryce Harper leaving it all on the line to go after a foul ball over the weekend, even if he wasn’t exactly close to catching it.

Juan Soto is already a Yankee legend, has had the go-ahead RBI in 3 of his 4 games with the team. Best OF signing since Jacoby Ellsbury.

Benches were CLEARED Saturday in Tampa Bay for the 3rd time this year. Electric start to the season. Feels like the year I’m fully back in on baseball.

NFL: Chiefs WR Rashee Rice wanted by Dallas police after a drag race in his Lambourghini led to a 6 car pile-up (allegedly.) He’s just getting ready for the next Fast and Furious movie, give him a break guys.

NBA: Shoutout Russel Westbrook for standing his ground against this fan in a balloon hat. Stronger man than I’ll ever be.

I’m not sure what was a more impressive Luka shot: this shot during warmups or this bad-boy in game. He has to be a warlock or something.

Joel Embiid could return as early as this week from meniscus surgery. Will has no idea what that means. Too busy reading.

UFL: I might have to start watching the USFL after seeing this 40 yard touchdown pass from the punter to his center. God, I miss football.

Want more in-depth sports coverage? Check out our boys at The Underdog Newsletter, who drop a new long-form story every Sunday. Free to join.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

LinkedIn introducing a new Tik-Tok style video feed to its app. This could make Davis Clarke the biggest LinkedInfluencer of all time. Take a hike buddy.

Punxsutawney Phil is finally a dad at age 138, as his slam-piece Phyllis gives birth to 2 baby groundhogs. My boy makes Al Pacino look like a teen dad.

Harvard removes a book with human skin binding from its library that’s been around since the 1800s. That’s way longer than my human skin books last.

Happy Easter to all who celebrated. If you didn’t have at least 6 Peeptinis, just know that Jesus is pissed at you. We talked about it.

MONDAY MOVE

I know it smells crazy in that office. I know that because that’s our office and it does smell crazy in there. It doesn’t matter though: some sacrifices are worth making.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Monday Motivation: hang onto your resentments like this snow leopard hanging onto a sheep during a 200 foot fall.

• Need something to binge this week? The Ringer’s Top 10 guide is always on point. I’m a big Shogun and 3 Body Problem guy right now.

• Kinda wild to think that Jack Gohlke played against Tyler Hero in high school over 6 years ago.

• How in god’s name did this guy pull this bowling move off? Genuinely stunned, baffled and impressed.

• Fuck it, Kim Mulkey college highlights. My girl could dish the rock.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Art of Toni Morrison’s rejection letters.