The Daily Friday: Monday 4/24

The Daily Friday cradling you and your fragile self this Monday, and every Monday hereafter.

TODAY’S GAME PLAN

• Miller High Life beefs with Belgium

• Hinge rizz matters more than ever

• Weekend sports recap

• What else is good

• Monday move

Let’s get into it.

LET’S DECLARE WAR ON BELGIUM

Somebody check on Booze Bag.

On Friday, European officials committed an atrocity that will be remembered by historians for generations: the brutal massacre of 2300 cans of Miller High Life at the Belgian border.

Apparently, Belgian officials were pissed because the “The Champagne of Beers” slogan is an infringement on the Champagne region’s trademark and the beer can’t be sold in the area. Give me a goddamn break. It was one thing when the people of Champagne were snobs about actual champagne but we’re taking about light beer guys. Grow up.

Sidenote - why is the solution to destroy perfectly good beer? Donate it to a good cause. There are multiple needy pregames in America that would gladly accept it. I myself have a lovely nook in my fridge that would make the perfect home for these at-risk beers.

Shame on you, Champagne. Shame on you.

STEP UP YOUR HINGE RIZZ

Take notes, Drought God. Not shocked that online dating is #1, but 40% seems crazy high. I’m glad to see people stopped dating their coworkers, though. Always a terrible idea.

Another insane weekend for sports action and Dr. Locks being in the red. Here’s what went down.

​​NBA: Dillon Brooks grabbed some schlong and got ejected. If the Knicks keep winning, NYC might burn down. Warriors overcame Steph going full Chris Webber mode and evened the series. T-Wolves fans waving bye-bye when they’re still down 3-1 was a bold choice.

NHL: The Oilers and Kings are addicted to OT. The refs have been simply atrocious so far. Are the Islanders done?

MLB: If this 33 year old minor leaguer can get promoted to the MLB, you still have a shot too. The As are moving to Vegas. Was this the worst possible way to lose a perfect game?

Boxing: Gervonta Davis beat Garcia and the Drake curse.

Soccer: Ryan Reynolds and Rob McEllhenney have brought Wexham back to the Premier League.

NFL: The draft is Thursday in KC and Motley Crue is performing. 5 players were suspended for gambling, including 4 Lions. To be fair, there’s not a ton to do in Detroit, so I get it.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• AI Drake is my new favorite rapper and it’s not even close. Human Drake should just hang up the headphones.

• Finally, a true leader emerges in American politics. Afroman announced he’s running for President in 2024, or as he calls it, the Cannabis Commander in Chief. Dude has my vote.

• The fact that Twilight is getting a TV spinoff and Wedding Crashers isn’t, is simply absurd. We need an HBO mini-series where Vaughn and Wilson’s sons become Bar Mitzvah crashers and we needed it yesterday.

• Personal update: I will be moving to the trillion dollar city in the desert being built by the Saudi Crown Prince ASAP. Who cares if he’s “harvesting every inhabitant’s data to spy on them.” The place looks fucking sick.

MONDAY MOVE

Getting a sandwich named after you should be Top 5 on anyone’s bucket list. Respect the hell out of this move.

I love a low bar. Much easier to hurdle. Commence Week.