The Daily Friday: Monday 5/1

I have no words. I would cut my own hand off to be part of the Mendes Smoothie Squad.

• Jason Derulo Did Not Fall Down the Steps of the Met Gala

• Who is Mike O’Hearn

• Monday Wake Up Call

• Weekend Sports Recap

• What Else Is Good

• Monday Move

MET GALA MONDAY

The Met Gala is today. Your girlfriend will be watching, so here's a fact:

This is not a photo of Jason Derulo. It’s from Cannes Film Festival in 2011 and it’s some random dude who’s had Derulo take all the heat for his fuckup for years.

You know what Derulo DID do? Went on an absolutely historic run in the early 2010s, dropping ‘Whatcha Say,’ ‘Trumpets,’ and ‘Riding Solo’ all in the span of 24 months. He also was in Cats and sadly had his dick CGI’d out. Respect to JD.

WE HAVE A NEW KING

His Swole Majesty Mike O'Hearn.

If you’re lucky, your timeline has been blessed with the meme template taking the Internet by storm: videos of Mike looking like an absolute stud, accompanied by a slowed down reverb of “Baby Don’t Hurt Me” in the background and an insane caption attached.

At Daily Friday Headquarters, we asked ourselves two things: how big is this guy's hog? And what else is there to know about him?

Our findings:

• He’s a winner. 7-time Fitness Model of the Year, American Gladiator champ, and 4 time, Mr. Natural Universe. Yes…my man is NATURAL. The Joey Chestnut of bodybuilding does it completely clean

• He’s 51 years old and can still do this.

• He’s a powerful actor. He’s appeared in episodes of Always Sunny and Workaholics and self-produced his own web series (I’m sure it was fire.)

• He loves the word Titan. Titan supplements, meal plan, training app, etc. He named his kid Titan, and he's going to be an absolute beast.

• He’s a businessman. Cop his shirt. 

MONDAY WAKE UP CALL

I’ll just say it. We’re gonna die alone.

Playoff (and other sports updates) for the fellas.

NBA: The takes from Lakers-Warriors might shut down Twitter. No one was born less ready than this kid. Heat get the W, but Himmy hurt his ankle – Knicks in 5 still imminent.

NHL: Leafs win a series for the first time since wireless headphones were invented. The Bruins collapsed in epic fashion. Devils vs. Rangers for Game 7 tonight - loser moves to Staten Island.

MLB: I agree with White Sox fans. Bryce Harper might play Tuesday, marking the fastest Tommy John recovery of all time. Guessing he shares a trainer with Tatis Jr.

NFL: Anthony Richardson’s 13 yr-old brother has a deeper voice and more rizz than I do. GMs executed a record 43 trades during the draft. Travis Kelce spiked a fake Lombardi and disgraced the game forever.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• A high school senior got into 125 colleges and received $9 million in scholarships, basically just for the fuck of it. Could’ve just had his parents bribe the USC rowing coach like the rest of us did.

• There is an R-rated live-action Winnie the Pooh spinoff where Christopher Robin navigates a quarter life crisis by abusing psychedelic drugs and befriending fictional animals. Also known as a shot-for-shot remake of my 2019.

• During his Marvin Gaye copyright trial, Ed Sheeran sang to jury to prove that Thinking Out Loud was his original creation. Not a law guy but that’s expert lawyering.

• Respect to the nation of Australia, which had 77,000 attendees consume 116k+ beers at a LIV tournament. This coincided with Levels being the top played song in the country for 3 days.

MONDAY MOVE

Again, I’m not a lawyer but I’m sure any lawyers will confirm.

Hey listen: 96.1% chance of humanity surviving is still pretty solid. Commence Week.