The Daily Friday: Monday 5/6

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Drake releases response rap to 3 Kendrick disses, claiming he set Kendrick up with false claims. Can they just take a page from Jim Jones’ book and fight like grown ass men? I’m over this.

2. Kentucky Derby won by Mystik Dan, as a record $320M was wagered. Very happy for TwinSpires, who took home $92M: with Ippei retiring, I was worried sportsbooks wouldn’t be able to feed their families anymore.

3. The Roast of Tom Brady got wild on Netflix, as the world’s least human man got cooked by Nikki Glaser, Belichick, Jeff Ross and more. Kim K and Ben Affleck probably should’ve just sat it out.

4. Boeing will try to launch a space shuttle tonight and I’m glad we have our best minds on the job. Definitely easier to break through the Earth’s atmosphere than fly 2 hours without a plane door flying off.

5. The Met Gala is tonight and celebrities are going to be looking weird as fuck again. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, a quick announcement.

Due to popular demand, we are bringing back the monthly mailbag this FRIDAY, so make sure you get your questions in while you can (and check out April’s installment if you haven’t already.)

Submit your questions at the link below or just reply to this email directly.

MET GALA MONDAY

The Met Gala is today. Your work crush who can’t stand you will be watching, so here’s two important facts to bring up to her today.

1. This year’s theme is “The Garden of Time,” inspired by a 1962 post apocalyptic short story. If you have any idea what the fuck that’s supposed to mean, please let me know. I can barely figure out what ‘black tie optional’ means.

2. The photo will go viral, but it is NOT a photo of Jason DeRulo. It’s from Cannes Film Festival in 2011 and it’s some random dude who’s had Derulo take all the heat for his fuckup for years.

You know what Derulo DID do? Went on an absolutely historic run in the early 2010s, dropping ‘Whatcha Say,’ ‘Trumpets,’ and ‘Riding Solo’ all in the span of 24 months. He also was in Cats and sadly had his dick CGI’d out. Respect to JD.

More to come Wednesday, but for now, enjoy our breakdown of last year’s top outfits.

MONDAY WAKE UP CALL

You’re probably gonna die alone. Oh well. Luckily I have the voices in my head to keep me company. That’ll be a nice treat in my 80s.

NBA: Kyrie slams the door on the Clippers with 30 points and this insane shot. I reacted exactly like Daniel Gafford watching this live.

Cavs close out the Magic in Game 7, storming back from an 18 point deficit thanks to 39 from Donovan Mitchell and Franz Wagner shitting the bed.

Lakers fire Darvin Hamm, and I know Bryce James is happy.

MLB: Jhoan Duran’s closer entrance is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. It’s nice when sports are actually fun.

NHL: Bruins close out Leafs in Game 7 to avoid becoming the first major sports team to blow 3-1 leads in back to back seasons. Oh well, there’s always next series.

If she doesn’t chug a beer from a Catfish, I don’t want her.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

New 21 Jump Street sequel just dropped? 32 year old millionaire pretended to be a 13 year old orphan to enroll in school and get adopted by foster parents.

Green Bay man named Deez-Nuts Kroll pleads not guilty to creating a domestic dispute while using a BB gun inside his home. Exact kind of crime you’d expect that man to commit.

Mom of 3 who used to breastfeed her husband is now planning to have a 4th child so her husband can do it again. I’ve officially found my new love language.

MONDAY MOVE

Loved this breakdown of an all time move from Cocaine Bear.

Reminds me of the local dive bar where my parents live that has a sign claiming they have the “Best Fajitas in Town.” Not gonna lie, fajitas from a dive bar has always terrified me but I think it’s time to make the leap. True growth can only happen outside of your comfort zone. Namaste.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Pull this video up, crank the volume to 100, and let’s fucking crush the rest of today. Monday Blues can suck my tiny dick.

• The Cabbage Patch Kids’ museum features a ‘live-birthing experience’ that I need to witness ASAP.

• IPAs, affordable housing, ax throwing bars? It takes a very strong person to resist the allure of a third-rate city.

• Read this on your lunch break: Watching Films While Behind Bars.

• What happens when billionaires take over your ski town.

• This was my favorite video on the Kendrick-Drake battle. We get it, guys. You’re a brilliant rap analyst and should work for Pitchfork. Drop it.