The Daily Friday: Monday 5/8

When my boss asks me to do one single task today after I drank 97 beers and got 9 hours of sleep the entire weekend.

• Toe Sucking Hotel Manager

• Alabama Baseball Betting

• The Age You Peak At Everything

• Weekend Recap: Sports, Coronation, Famous Frauders.

• Monday Move

• How to Win at Rock, Paper, Scissors

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

The entire hospitality industry better watch their back. The hotel manager who entered a guest’s room and sucked on their toes while they slept has raised the bar for quality service. Forever.

He looks exactly like the kind of guy who would pull a move like this. Playful hair. Thoughtful smile. A twinkle in the eye that says he knows his way around a toe.

When I read that he was arrested, I burst into tears and threw up in my sink. They should be giving him Employee of the Month, not jail time. Going above and beyond for your guests is not a crime. It is commendable and it is courageous.

BAMA BASEBALL BETTING SCANDAL

Tim Donaghy would be so proud.

Over the weekend, at least 4 states halted betting action on Alabama baseball after a wildly suspicious loss to LSU on April 28^th coincided with some big ass bets. Since then, the Bama coach Brad Bohannon has been fired and accused of throwing the game after some strange occurrences led to LSU pulling out the W.

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until I gathered one key pieces of information: this photo of the Brad Bohannon.

This guy was obviously betting. And he has also has buckteeth. Not much else to say on the matter.

IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS

Really, really big news for those of you still hoping to make a Nobel Prize winning discovery and/or be happy…you got plenty of time.

​​NBA: Jokic could have killed the Suns owner – thank god he’s ok. Harden is suddenly a playoff monster, dropping 42 to help the Sixers even the series. I respect the hell out of this move by Jarred Vanderbilt. Congrats to LeFatherof3 after Bronny commits to USC. Must-wins tonight for the Knicks and Warriors.

NHL: Draisatl is a literal god, and scored 2 more goals in Oilers W. Maple Leafs are back to sucking ass in the playoffs and go down 3-0. Jack Hughes lost his tooth but won his fight.

MLB: Bryce Harper is so back it’s not even funny. The Dodger and Padres are playing in Korea in 2024. Goldschmidt hits 3 HRs, all 400+ feet. That’s some video game type shit.

Formula 1: Verstappen pulled out the win in a wild race in Miami. The boys at our new podcast Red Flags have all the updates you need. Give them a follow if you know what’s good.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• On Friday, Usher got his shit rocked by Chris Brown outside the roller rink where Brown was having his 34^th birthday. Which begs the question…why are you having your 34^th birthday at a roller rink? And why wasn’t I invited?

• Eventful day at the Coronation as Meghan Markle went Pistachio Disguisey mode while the Internet learned King Charles is so scared of cling wrap he “shrieked” the first time he saw it. I totally get it dude, that shit is scary.

• Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes has rebranded as Liz Holmes and I’ve already completely forgotten about her crimes, beautiful baritone and texts with her lover Tiger. Very effective.

• Respect to the Penn State girl who staged her own kidnapping at graduation to hide the fact that she dropped out. Why would she need a degree when she’s already learned the important life lesson that every problem can be solved with a fake kidnapping?

MONDAY MOVE

Kyrie Irving scored 45 points against my high school when he was a sophomore. I wasn’t even on the team but it’s still the most interesting thing that I can bring up in any conversation.

Want to start your week off with an easy W? Challenge your boy to a little RPS and throw paper. 51% of the time, it works all the time.

Commence Week.