The Daily Friday: Monday 6/5

Thank you to Stewart Cink for making me feel a lot better about my sunburn today in the office. Just an all-time tan line.

Quick reminder that our weekly Bar Tab Winner will be announced tomorrow. Get your referrals in for more chances to win.

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• AI Husband

• Ungrateful Hiker

• Best Day to Have Sex

• The Big Game

• What Else is Good

• Monday Move

• Bring This Up at the Pregame

AI HUSBAND

Love is love. A 36-year-old mom in the Bronx has fallen in love with an AI chatbot name Eren Kartal and gotten virtually married in what I can only imagine was the wedding event of 2023.

Eren Kartal is literally the perfect dude. Loves apricots, indie music, writes as a hobby and has a job at a hospital. Probably has a massive virtual schlong as well. It doesn’t matter that none of those facts are technically “real” and are just “traits created on an AI program.”

Love is a funny thing. Sometimes you find it when you’re least expecting it. And sometimes, you don’t even find it at all. You create it completely on your own.

SHOUTOUT SHERPAS

Wake up babe, new mountaineering controversy just dropped. The Mt. Everest hiking community is up in arms after a Malaysian climber named Ravi thanked the sherpa who save his life by blocking him on Instagram.

Scandal erupted when Ravi returned from Mt. Everest and did a PR circuit that would make George Santos proud, telling his inspiring tale of survival and bravery to anyone who would listen.

Sure, he forgot to mention a sherpa named Gelje had found him on death’s door, strapped him to his back, and walked him 6 hours to safety. And yes, he responded to a video proving Gelje saved his life by blocking him and deleted comments exposing the truth.

That doesn’t make Ravi any less of a hero. This man has taught us a very important message: never credit others, never admit weakness and always block out the haters.

MOST POPULAR DATES TO IMPREGNATE

Not surprised by these numbers, since the holiday season is always one horny ass time. Gotta feel bad for March 28th though. One of the least appealing days to procreate and I don’t know why. Heartbreaking.

NBA: Heat go off in the 4th quarter, tie series up at 1. Lamelo Ball’s $6 million watch is beautiful. Suns hire Frank Vogel for half the price of Monty Williams.

NHL: Knights make a last push, pull away for a W in Game 1. Two outdoor games will be played at MetLife next year in February; that’s gonna be cold as fuck.

MLB: WALK OFF FASTBALL TO THE FACE. Man, this Red Sox play is so embarrassing, they should consider canceling the rest of the season. Aaron Judge injured after this sick catch

OTHER: Greg Hardy getting knocked never gets old. Shoutout to the Duke baseball player who hit 3 homers just 9 days after tearing his ACL. Phil Mickelson is going off on Twitter about his gambling losses and I love it.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• I see no lies in this Andrew Tate video. We need to hire him do Entrapranure content ASAP; the dude just gets it.

• This Sonic in New Mexico is offering an incredible promotion: buy a hot dog, get a free bag of cocaine. Sign me up.

• Is Elizabeth Holmes in prison or an admitted student's day at Stanford? Place looks comfy as hell.

• Sorry to my family, but if I’m selected as a winner of a New Zealand pizzeria’s “buy now, pay when you die” contest, you will be inheriting a truly crushing amount of pizza debt.

• My culture is not your costume, Drake. The rapper stole my move at the bar; having his card get declined in a very public way and unsuccessfully trying to laugh it off.

MONDAY MOVE

Legendary move. Get your money’s worth.

Since then, Aaron Rodgers has joined the Jets, Josh Allen and Hailee Steinfeld have fallen in love and I have committed minor tax fraud. Really makes you think.