The Daily Friday: Monday 7/1

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Today is Bobby Bonilla Day, aka the 13th July 1st in a row the Mets will pay their former player $1.1 million in deferred salary. They stole my entire financial planning approach (leave every issue to future me.)

2. Supreme Court strikes down Chevron ruling to curtail power of agencies and issues Trump some immunity from Jan 6th. It’s a holiday week, can you guys just relax? Put down the gavels for a sec.

3. Paul George signs with the 76ers for 4 years, $212 million and Clippers officially got 263 games for all of this. Even the Native Americans got a better deal on the sale of Manhattan.

4. Two giant pandas have safely arrived at the San Diego Zoo from China in diplomacy gesture. This kind of politics works on me. I’d be very pro-North Korea if they sent us their greatest exports.

5. It’s a short week. It’s time to be positive. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

MONDAY MOTIVATION

These days, it can feel like our country is more divided than ever. Drake vs. Kendrick. Ankle socks vs. Mid-Calves. Biden vs. Trump. Hawk-Tua vs. Oilers Girl. It’s enough to make anyone sick.

This week, let’s take our cue from these fellas, put aside our differences and focus on what we have in common. The things that we all love and appreciate.

Open bars. Oral sex. One wipe poops. That feeling of taking a ski boot off. A well-executed high five. Jumping into the ocean when you’re hungover. Reuniting with friends you haven’t seen in a while. First sip of an ice cold Friday Beer on a hot summer’s day. Being awake for a booty call. Cancelled plans.

If these two can squash the long-standing FedEx vs. UPS beef, then you can too. It’s Fourth of July week, it’s time to start acting like it.

25% OFF SITE WIDE

That’s right, all apparel is 25% off this week, including this sucker. There’s no better way to celebrate our nation’s independence than by spending your disposable income on graphic tees. It’s what John Hancock would have wanted.

MLB: It’s finally time. Nats top prospect James Wood, acquired from the Yankees in the Soto trade, has been called up and baseball will never be the same.

NBA: All good things must come to an end. Isaiah Hartenstein will leave the Knicks, signs $87M deal with the Thunder. Goodnight, sweet prince.

NHL: The Empty Netters boys wrapped up the season in Vegas, recapping the NHL Draft, awards from the season, and much more. Check it out.

POWER SLAP: There’s a new star in the Power Slap game, and it’s a 5 foot 9, 350 pound Siberian farmer named Dumpling. 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

If all London max-security prisons have guards like this lovely lady, who was nice enough to pork an inmate on camera, I might move to the UK and get locked up.

Arizona Tea founder says he’ll never raise the price above $0.99, because “we’re successful, debt free…why have people pay more?” Can we also have this for the housing and Mexican Adderral market? Getting way too expensive.

Impressed by Paris Hilton changing her voice while speaking to Congress. It’s nowhere close to my ability to seamlessly switch between a Donald Duck, Peter Griffin and Borat voice during conversation, but a good effort overall.

What’s wrong babe, why aren’t you wearing your Zynkini? You’re the one who said you wanted to start matching outfits more.

MONDAY MOVE

There’s nothing more important than setting the tone from the first whistle. You may win, you may lose, but your opponent will remember they waged war with you. And that’s all that truly matters.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Got the Monday Blues? Hammer this video of Coldplay singing Fix You with Michael J. Fox while you eat your $16 bowl of fast casual grain slop at lunch today. That’ll do the trick.

• Is Zyn going to kill me? Loved this breakdown from Dan Toomey and the Good Work team. Worth the watch.

• Read this on your lunch break: Pooping on the Moon is messy business.

• I can’t wait to kiss my robot wife and her perfect human skin in 15-25 years. So soon.

• Conan O’Brien was the best late night host of the past 20 years and I’ll always stand by that.

• Fuck it, Sean Taylor highlights at The U. Let’s have a Monday.