The Daily Friday: Monday 7/10

Opening my email today after mentally checking out for all of last week.

PS - Cillian Murphy is bonkers and I love it. 2 weeks until Barbenheimer. Can’t wait.

• Save Our Singers

• Home Run Derby Preview

• Mid Week Golf on the Rise

• The Big Game: Weekend Sports Recap

• Monday Move

• What Else is Good: Jonah Hill, Selma Hayek, Roller Coasters are CANCELED.

• The King of Pencils

SAVE OUR SINGERS

Save our singers. On Saturday, Harry Styles got his shit rocked on stage by an item thrown by a rabid fan, marking the SIXTH similar, major incident in the past 2 months.

Our brave pop stars are under attack and I am calling on the National Guard to help get to the bottom of this ASAP.

First let’s do a quick breakdown of the items thrown at singers, ranked by how much it would suck to be struck by them.

6. Bras / Underwear (Drake): Cool in theory but lowkey disgusting. Do you know how sweaty grown up girls can get? Whole stage probably reeked of tuna. Gross!

5. Mother’s Ashes (Pink): A tremendous honor and no true pain involved, but a lot of pressure. Do you scatter the ashes on stage? Spread them at sea? Return them for cash? It’s a lot.

4. One glittery cowboy boot (Morgan Wallen): Wtf am I gonna do with one cowboy boot? Now if it was 2 boots, we’d be talking. But this is just a cocktease.

3. Invisible Sniper (Ernest): Psychologically terrifying. You’re minding your business on stage and then eat shit out of nowhere. You got no one to blame and look dumb as hell? No thanks.

2. Cell Phone (Bebe Rexha, Harry Styles): Painful, but you do get a free phone out of it. Tough if they have Face ID or a passcode, but you could still sell for parts.

1. Bracelet (Kelsea Bellirini): Minor pain, and totally worth it to upgrade your accessory lineup. Huge W.

HR DERBY PREVIEW

We’re in the dog days of summer but tonight there’s a bright light halfway through the tunnel…the Home Run Derby.

Here’s everything you need to know about tonight’s action:

• The betting favorite, Pete Alonso, is at +300 and looking to join Ken Griffey Jr. as the only player to ever win 3 times. My money is on hometown hero Julio Rodriguez (+600).

• Top seed Luis Roberts Jr. has been eating his Wheaies/steroids this season and has 26 HRs, already DOUBLE his single season total in his career. Not suspicious at all.

• Lotta money on the line. Winner receives $1 million, 2nd place pulls in $500k and everyone else gets $150k each. My bookie will also likely receive a generous unintentional donation from me… he deserves it.

• It’s a good excuse to watch the 1998 HR derby during your lunch break. As always, #Bringbacksteroids.

MID-WEEK GOLF HITS DIFFERENT

Love this. Nothing better than sneaking in a mid-week round during the summer. Easily the biggest benefit of WFH culture (outside of mid-day JOs).

Chart via Chartr.

MLB: Elly De La Cruz simply cannot be real. I don’t want to say the White Sox have given up on the season but the White Sox have given up on the season. MLB Draft last night; here’s where everyone went. The Braves can’t be stopped.

NBA: The LeCoach highlight reel goes crazy hard. Wemby confirmed no longer a bust. Can Damien Lillard get traded to the Heat already? Holmgren returns, looking jacked as shit.

OTHER: Underhand serve at Wimbledon is an insane move…gotta respect it. Huggins is demanding his job back at WVU, claiming he never resigned. Worth a shot! The Northwestern football hazing is very not chill. Verstappen wins British Grand Prix and F1 is still a rocket ship. Shoutout to the 16 yr old who make Wimbledon round of 16.

MONDAY MOVE

Elite faux-work move. Bobby’s full write-up is a master class is Work Avoidance 101.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• Dads rejoice: court rules that thumbs up emoji can constitute a contractual agreement.

• You’re out of your mind if you step foot on a roller coaster again after this video and this video. I’ll stick to Roller Coaster Tycoon on the PC in my childhood kitchen.

• Going to bring this video of Selma Hayek to everyone’s attention. It has transfixed me for the past 48 hours.

• Kid goes viral for having no friends and gets over $40k donated to him. This will definitely help him make the right kind of friends for sure.

• I don’t think I would be able to date Jonah Hill. I love having friendships with unstable people from my wild recent past and I will never apologize for that.

• Not a doctor, but pretty sure this dad will never walk again.

Seems like a very achievable world record but I’m not gonna knock the guy. That’s dedication to his craft and a level of commitment I can only dream of. Respect.

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