The Daily Friday: Monday 7/24

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Elon Musk rebrands Twitter to X, changes homepage to X.com, which autocorrects to XVideos.com/LenathePlugJasonLuv because it’s my “most visited site ever?” Weird.

2. Ronaldo could never. Messi wins first MLS game with free kick in extra time in front of 80k+ fans, including Kim Kardashian. Please stay away from him Kim, I’m begging you 🙏🏻

3. You probably lost the PowerBall, but don’t fret…the Mega Millions is up to $820 million with a drawing tomorrow. If you win, you can afford to hit Sweetgreen for lunch at LEAST 3x a week.

4. American Brian Harman wins the British Open and my award for baggiest pants in the entire world. Hopefully he can afford a tailor now.

5. She Sloppen on my Heimer ‘til I Barbie on her Ken. Online buzz translates to massive opening weekend for Barbenheimer. MORE BELOW.

But first…a reminder to our new email subs: BAR TAB WINNER ANNOUNCED TUESDAY MORNING. Refer your friends with the link at the bottom of the email for more chances to win.

Let’s hit it.

TOPPENHEIMER OF THE CHARTS

Movies are so back. After months of online hype, Barbenheimer did straight NUMBIES in its opening weekend. Here’s some insane stats.

• Barbie opened at $155 million, the largest domestic box office for any movie this year and any female director ever, making Ben Shapiro absolutely furious.

• Oppenheimer pulled in a cool $80 million, despite attempts to ban the movie in places like India due to an extended sex scene with Florence Pugh’s character. I agree…sex is disgusting.

• It’s the first time 2 movies have EACH brought in $80 mil in the same opening weekend as 200k+ people attended double features. Don’t tell the studios that memes actually work because they’ll try too hard and ruin it next time.

• Barbie had the largest July opening for a non-sequel or non-remake ever. Let’s keep this trend going excluding the Step Up franchise. 7 sequels is not nearly enough.

• Oppenheimer was the 2nd largest biopic opening after American Sniper ($89 million.) Can we get a flick on Beetlejuice next please?

I tried to see it this weekend but turns out I accidentally bought tickets to Pixar’s Elemental. Full Review.

MOST OVERPAID PROFESSIONS

Absolute disgrace that landlords are not on this list of underpaid professions. Even with tips, they can barely afford to feed their second families. Shameful.

Chart Source: Chartr.

NFL: I’m out on the RB council that had a Saturday Zoom to discuss larger contracts for the position. Who the fuck wants to Zoom on the weekend?

This Garret Wilson catch is absurd. Jets might not lose a single game this year.

NBA: Shoutout Kemba Walker, who signed a deal to play hoops in Monaco. Honestly the perfect place to be rich as shit.

The NBA Board of Governors approves the sale of the Hornets, making Larsa Pippen’s boyfriend’s father a cool $3 billion. He is going to gamble soooo much.

MLB: Fred McGriff and Scott Rolen were the only two Hall of Fame inductees this year. Can we let the steroid guys in please? HOF is kinda mid now.

Trade deadline is just a week out. Hopefully Colin Cowherd learns the rules of baseball before then.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Cocaine Shark? Sharks feed on drugs left in Gulf and I’m 99% sure it’s from my boy Chris. Haven’t seen him since Spring Break.

The residents of McKinney are superheroes and survived temperatures of 101,1105 degrees. The human body is absolutely incredible ❤️ 

Strike is done: Universal Studios fined $250 for trimming trees that gave picketing writers and actor’s shade. Don’t see how they financially recover from this one.

I just threw my phone in the ocean and hammered Indeed after Doja Cat asked her fans to ‘get off their phones and get a job.’ I will do literally anything this woman asks.

MONDAY MOVE

Generally, anything LinkedIn related is NOT the move but this might get a pass. It’s definitely better than “Aspiring CEO,” which makes me physically ill.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• This Matthew Perry story about meeting M. Night Shymalan is perfect.

• I’m addicted to Butter Dawg videos. Dashboard chicken looks delicious.

• RIP Fish and Chips.

• Went down a rabbit hole learning about Turkey’s underground city of 200k people that was built in 370 BCE and re-discovered recently.

Impressive. I still prefer Scooter’s Version.