The Daily Friday: Monday 8/12

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Married couple Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds top box office after It Ends with Us debuts at #2 despite a (boring) on-set controversy. If no one talked in a Pepe Le Pew voice, I’m not interested.

2. Rare Perseid meteor shower hit the skies last night and will continue to peak into this evening. This better be cooler than the solar eclipse. My roommate nearly died looking at that thing.

3. Kamala and Trump agree on at least one thing: tips should not be taxed . This is going to lead to even more places asking for tips, isn’t it? I’m already spending a fortune tipping my death row waiter.

4. Elon will interview Donald Trump live on Twitter about his presidential candidacy, days after Musk feuded with Venezuelan president. That’s a headline that would be complete nonsense 10 years ago.

5. The Olympics have ended. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

OLYMPICS AURA RANKINGS

Well, now that the fuck am I going to do with my life?

After a beautiful 19 days of action, the Olympics are officially over. While we wait another 4 years for LA to fail to deliver on their ‘car-less Olympics’ promise, let’s take a moment to celebrate an elite three weeks in aura.

PS - if you don’t know what aura is, here’s a good breakdown. 

7. Tom Cruise: cool stunt. Must’ve been really hard with all those ropes and harnesses and the power of Scientology propelling you. You know what’s cooler? The shirtless dude who climbed the Eiffel Tower with no ropes, just for the fuck of it.

6. French Pole Vaulter’s Massive Hog: it’s only August, but easily my top hog of the year. But that’s hog rankings, not aura rankings. Here’s my issue with him: he acknowledged the memes. You cannot do that. True aura floats above it all.

5. Raygun, the Break-Dancing Aussie: Obviously, it was a tough watch. But here’s the thing: she never once lost her confidence, spirit, or stage presence. And she’s still dancing today. We all fall. We don’t all get back up. Respect.

4. 16 year old Quincy Wilson, USA Sprinter: Crazy to think he hasn’t even taken the SAT or gotten into his first car accident, but he has a gold medal. He’s gonna get so many hand-jobs next year. Excited for him.

3. Kim Yeji, South Korean Shooter: Impeccable style. Impressive body language. Immaculate intensity. Personally, just a few too many bells and whistles for my liking. Technology is the devil and we must fight it at every turn. (PS - hope she’s doing ok)

2. Steph Curry: The three he hit Saturday to win the gold will go down in history. Iconic photo. Perfect celebration. Even the announcers were terrified. This could be the most iconic moment of his career. But it’s still not enough to top….

1. Yusef Dikec, hand in pocket shooter: the definition of casual confidence. No frills or fluff. Treating the Olympics like he’s in his backyard. Absolute quote machine to boot . Natural aura defined.

Honorable mentions: Pummel Horse guy, Lebron crossing the delaware, and the photographer who took this surfer photo.

HAPPY NATIONAL WELLNESS MONTH

Like I always tell my ex-girlfriends, every day is a good day to put myself first. But that’s especially true during August, better known in the biz as National Wellness Month. 

This month, prioritize your mental health by signing up for BetterHelp. 

With BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist in less than 48 hours. No more waiting days, weeks or even months to find someone. 

Sign up with code FRIDAY25 for 25% off your first month session today.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

7-11 to open dining sections where customers can order booze. Perfect - I always end up there when I’m shitcocked anyways. Might as well eliminate one step in the process.

School employee faces jail time for stealing $1.5M in chicken wings intended for student’s lunches. That’s just so many chicken wings to get through. Who would steal $1.5M chicken wings?

Folks, I found the perfect headline. It answers all the essential journalistic questions: who did what, how busty was their wife, and how soon after shock end to Rust shooting trial did this happen?

MONDAY MOVE

Nothing quite like getting back to the fundamentals at the diner. Why complicate life? Everything you need (a good greasy omelette, a familiar head nod to a kind waitress in her late 60s, those red hard plastic cups, local paper to peruse, etc.) is at the diner.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Shoutout to George Costanza and crew for getting their absolute bag on Seinfield (1 MIL an episode.) Fascinating story.

• Read (or listen) to this on your lunch break: How to Be Happy: the Science of Cognitive Time Travel.

• Monday motivation: you will never be as good at anything as Tony Gwynn was at hitting baseballs, so just give up now 🙏🏻🙏🏻

• Need something to watch this week in that 2 hours of free time you have in between work, giving your full 65% at the gym, dinner and lying awake for hours pondering existence? The Ringer’s got you.

• The ‘Costco Guys’ have apparently been at this content game for YEARS, as a resurfaced Christmas singalong video emerges. If you have no idea what that sentence meant, I’m very jealous of you.

• Fuck it, ‘A Tortured Mind: Pitt vs. DiCaprio.’ Just because it’s Monday. Let’s have one.