The Daily Friday: Monday 8/26

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. College football season is off to a hot start, as #10 Florida State falls to Georgia Tech in Ireland. Say what you want about Pat McAfee, but he knows how to do Dublin right. Respect.

2. Telegram founder Pavel Durov arrested in France for failing to mitigate criminal activities on the app. If they shut it down, I have zero clue where I’ll get my rabbit tranquilizers moving forward. Catastrophe.

3. Lake Mary, Florida wins Little League World Series on walk-off error. Would have loved to see Staten Island’s ‘Cologne Kid’ take home a trophy, but as long as the title stays in the US, I’m cool with it.

4. Trump suggests he may back out of September 10th debate over disagreements around network and ‘hot mics.’ I don’t care how it does down but we need this debate to happen. For the sake of the memes.

5. Two astronauts will be stuck in space until 2025. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

PS: more on this in a sec, but we are pumped to announce that we are partnering with BetMGM (sign up with FBDAILY if you’re new) this year to give you everything you need to this season. Let’s ride.

Ok - back to the news.

STUCK IN SPACE

On Saturday, NASA announced that the two astronauts on Boeing’s space craft, Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams, will stay at the International Space Station until February 2025 after mechanical issues delayed what was supposed to be an 8 day journey.

Honestly, they kind of picked a perfect time to be gone. Sure, they’ll miss football season, but they also won’t have to hear about the election every goddam day and it’s also been humid as fuck lately so that sucks.

The point is, they’re going to be stuck up there for a while. Here’s how they can pass the time.

1. Get Ripped as Fuck: I’d be so bored, I might actually go to the gym consistently. Suni actually ran first marathon from space in 2007 and did an entire triathalon in 2012. I wouldn’t be that bored but still; doing pushups 3x a week would be a drastic life improvement.

2. Learn a Cool Skill: perfect time to become incredible at juggling (zero-gravity would help a ton) or opening a beer bottle with your teeth. Personally, I would learn how to whistle through my fingers or cool ways to shuffle cards, but that’s me.

3. Pork Each Other’s Brains Out: Yes, technically they are both married and also they are constantly on a live feed back to Earth. But it would be sort of beautiful if they did pull it off. “Stuck in space” is the ultimate hall pass and love triumphs over all.

4. Develop the Perfect Prank: if they land on Earth and just start speaking in a different language or pretend like they switched bodies Freaky Friday style, that would be kinda awesome. I don’t want to micro-manage anyone’s prank but this could change everything.

I’m realizing that this basically what it’s like to go to jail: get in sick shape (prison yard free-weights,) learn a new skill (how to make a shiv,) and maybe get laid (no judgment.) Idk the pranking situation in jail but I’m sure there is hijinks. I may have to get arrested because it sounds kinda sick.

IT’S BETMGM SEASON

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SHOW THIS TO YOUR BOSS

If they really want to get people to come to the office every day, they need to bring back the egg salad machine in the break room. Fuck pizza parties or nap pods or company branded water bottles: this is the only perk I need.

MLB: Babe Ruth’s game worn jersey from when he called his shot just sold for $24 million in an auction.

Shohei Ohtani hits a walk-off grand slam to join 40-40 club. If history is any indication, this means he will not make the Hall of Fame. Sad to see.

Soto, Judge and Stanton going back-to back-to back was cool as fuck. That’s all there is to say about that.

NFL: Jameis doesn’t need to play a single down this year - if he can drop pregame speeches like this, he’ll earn his paycheck. Shoutout CiCi’s Pizza 🙏🏻

Life lesson: never turn off a pre-season game too ealy or you’ll miss chaos like this at the end of the 49ers - Raiders game.

SOCCER: We got a girl brawl on our hands as one of the fine ladies from Rutgers landed a massive haymaker on a UMass player during a scuffle. My dream woman.

HS FOOTBALL: A Power 5 school needs to scoop up this ref that intercepted a pass mid-game ASAP. His NIL deal is going to be historic.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Man gets his third place ribbon stripped after judge realizes that his diorama depicted a porn casting couch. I guess man can’t have art anymore?

Shoutout to the owner who refused to let a kid buy an entire wheel of cheese. He’s a real cheese-head and this kid’s intentions were clearly impure.

Sabrina Carpenter drops a music video where she smooches it up with Jenna Ortega and then kills her boyfriend. If he got to watch, that’s a very fair trade.

There’s only one way to travel and it’s by Grocery Chariot like this fella. I guess even Santa has to drive Uber to make ends meet.

MONDAY MERCH

Labor Day starts early this week over at FridayBeers.shop with a nice little 20% off site-wide discount. That’s pretty good.

Stock up on your tees, hats, and everything under the sun before it’s too late. Personally, I’m buying 7 of these suckers to wear every day of the week.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Adam Sandler has to be the chillest dude of all time. I’m personally incorporating all his fashion tips into my wardrobe moving forward.

• Read this on your lunch break: meet the people who are falling in love with AI voices.

• Back in the 1970s, Ray Bradbury explained what space travel will do for mankind and didn’t once mention getting stuck for months and needing Elon to bail them out. Moron.

• New get-rich-quick scheme just dropped: making millions as a whistleblower.

• This infographic of Who Lived When kind of blew my mind. Pretty funny that Jeffrey Dahmer is on this and not FDR.

• Fun fact: if Kamala Harris wins, she’d be the first president to not have the same name as their parent or child in 50+ years. Funner fact: Gerald Ford changed his first and last name when his mom remarried.