The Daily Friday: Tuesday 6/20

Rolling into the office today, still completely hammered from my Monday Funday.

• Bar Tab Giveaway Winner

• Grift SZN

• Penn State Pet Lover

• Work Life Balance Rankings

• The Big Game

• What Else is Good

• All Time Dad Move

• Bring This Up at the Pregame

BAR TAB GIVEAWAY WINNER

Congrats to this week’s winner, Eric Barnes, who single-handedly supported the entire Long Beach Island economy to the tune of $176 in Millers, green teas and Rum and Cokes this weekend. We gotchu King.

New winner announced every Tuesday, so get your referrals in (+1 chance to win for each referral) and share the newsletter on IG story (+10 chances to win, tag us @the.daily.friday)

WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER

That’s my Queen. Shoutout to Grift Queen Meghan Markle, who reportedly faked clips on her podcast by having her assistant conduct interviews in person and then added her own voice in afterwards. Brilliant move.

After landing a $20 million Spotify deal in 2021, these two churned out one 13-episode podcast series ($1.54m/episode) that they didn’t even bother to show up for and was generally considered mid as fuck.

Sure, they technically got dropped by Spotify (just like with their $100 million Netflix deal) and called ‘fucking grifters’ by Bill Simmons but who gives a shit? Simmons is a dork, their check cleared, and they’re already signed by Dior to do some other bullshit that will also fail.

Learn from them this short week. Do not take any pride in your work or bother completing your contractually obligated deliverables. The only thing you need to be successful is royal blood and/or a 7 season run on a cable legal drama. Pretty simple stuff.

PENN STATE PET LOVER

He got IN that dawg. Literally. A Penn State professor was arrested for bestiality with his dog in a park near his home last week.

Lots to unpack:

• The professor claims to have done it to ‘blow off steam.’ I’ve never heard of a dog named Off Steam but I guess pets can be named anything these days. Heyo!

• The man was caught by a state park sting operation that was initially set up to catch a hand sanitizer thief. This means the professor was either using hand sanitizer (why?) or there is a Purell thief on the loose in State College (terrifying).

• The dog had one eye, which makes it infinity times worse.

• The professor wrote a textbook and had a pretty solid Rate My Professor score until his account got locked. Good for him.

Penn State: it’s time to look in the mirror with this despicable sex stuff every 10 years. Cut it out guys!

I AM JEALOUS OF EUROPE

Don’t get too comfortable Europe. Now that Juneteenth is a federal holiday, the US work-life balance comeback starts now. Also a sickening amount of Scandinavian cities in there. Copenhagen we are coming for you!

MLB: David Freese declines Cardinals HOF induction; weird move my guy. Gotta feel for this dad at Fenway. This was a cold move by the Braves.

NBA: Draymond Green declines option, could break up Warriors? KD is addicted to super teams, as Phoenix trades for Bradley Beal. Polyamory legend and strip club chicken wing lover Lou Williams retires from NBA. Jordan sells Hornets for $3B to ownership group that include J.Cole.

US OPEN: Congrats to Christian McCaffrey’s high school classmate Wyndham Clark for winning the US Open. I was pulling for Ricky. LACC better turn it around for their next appearance in 2039…that atmosphere was ass.

OTHER: Karlsson’s drunk speech at the Knight parade is an all-timer. WVU coach Bob Huggins reportedly had beer cans in front seat and thought he was in Columbus while blowing a .21 in Pittsburgh; will retire. Woof: Pats CB Jack Jones posted this tweet about Ja Morant before getting arrested for gun possession.

ALL TIME DAD MOVE

Shoutout every Dad watching and not watching The Dark Knight. It’s a great flick.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• New Nathan for You business idea? A California restaurant hired a fake priest to convince workers to confess to ‘work sins’ that they would then fire them for.

• Great news: if you make your next 225,000 coffees at home, you can save enough to afford one ticket on Virgin Galactic’s first commercial space flight.

• Quick pro tip for the next time you’re arrested at your local Chili’s: just pretend to be tased like this dude and run away to freedom. Absolutely foolproof strategy.

• Tuesday Motivation: this husband was laid off 20 years ago, told his wife he was going to take “a little time off” and proceeded to never work again. Go off King.

• In news that I’ll never have to worry about, iOS 17 will reportedly censor incoming messages with nude photos. Would be a real shame if someone replied to this email with spicy pics to test out if it works or not. Real shame.

This is commendable because during the Civil War era, most water wasn’t really drinkable, so you had to booze constantly. And if that can’t stop us now… nothing can.

Commence Suckdown.