The Daily Friday: Tuesday 7/4

Happy Fourth Fellas. We’re gonna keep it short and sweet today so you can go suckdown in peace at your picnics, BBQs or wherever you find yourself on this glorious day.

A brief congrats are in order to this week’s bar tab winner Mike Mutch, who’s getting $131 back after some pitchers and Jäger shots (psycho) at The Pour House. All time name for a bar.

No news today, just some brief, yet meaningful celebration of the USA.

3 Out of 3 Trillion Reasons Why America Fucking Rocks.

1. We gave birth to the planet’s greatest athlete of all time.

You’re an absolute fool if you bet against Chestnut this year (-4000 to win outright.) Smart money is on total dogs…I’m going over 73.5. He’s got another big performance in him.

2. We were founded by an all-time booze bag…Luther Martin.

Historian Laurence Goldstone wrote of him – “No one, perhaps in the whole of American history, could drink with Luther Martin.”

To sum this guy up, once when he was a lawyer representing a Quaker in court, he agreed to not drink a drop of alcohol to be respectful of the man’s religious beliefs (Quakers don’t drink I guess.) But he still was craving some booze, so he poured an entire bottle of 90-Proof brandy over a loaf of bread, ate it with a fork and knife, and proceeded to win the case. No notes.

3. We had the courage and the gall to create this wonderful work of art.

I don’t think I’ve stopped quoting this video since the first time I saw it. And I never will.

How do I join the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council? Sounds like a goddam dream.

Commence Fourth. See you dudes tomorrow.