The Daily Friday: Wednesday 10/4

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. The MLB Wild Card round continues today, as the Rays, Rangers, Brewers and Marlins face elimination. I love gambling in the middle of the work day: nothing like losing money while you make money.

2. Close the borders NOW! Paris is overrun with bed bugs that have spread to trains and buses. Another strike against the French.

3. PSA for anyone planning on playing hide and go seek with your boys today (assuming everyone.) Your phone will ring at 2:20 pm EST.

4. Hot Strike Summer continues into fall, as 75,000 healthcare workers strike at Kaiser Permanente. I wonder if Paul Rudd’s surf student in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is joining.

5. Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy ousted and chaos hits Congress. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, a brief announcement for our LA readers.

Tomorrow night at The Bourbon Room, Liam, Will and special guest Luke Null will change the world of live podcasting forever at the Almost Friday Podcast Live show. Get your tickets now while there’s still some available 🤝

Ok, back to the news.

BYE BYE KEVIN

On October 3^rd , Kevin McCarthy officially had the worst National Kevin Day of all time, as he was ousted from his position as House Speaker, the first time this has happened in US history.

If you’re thinking to yourself – “wait who is Kevin McCarthy? Isn’t that Macaulay Culkin’s character in Home Alone?” don’t sweat. I’m here to break it all down for you.

HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Who is Kevin McCarthy? K-Mac has been a California Republican Congressman since 2006. After reconciling with Trump in 2022 for beef around election fraud, he was voted at the House Speaker in January for the Republican majority Congress after 15 rounds of voting. It was low-key embarrassing.

Why Did He Get Booted? 8 hard-line Republicans, including Matt Gaetz from Florida, have long thought he was too moderate and were responsible for holding up the initial vote in January. After McCarthy worked with Democrats to pass an emergency spending bill to keep Congress open, Gaetz fulfilled his promise and called for a vote to vote him out.

Democrats joined the 8 republicans and threw McCarthy out the club.

What Happens Next? Patrick McHenry was appointed as emergency House Speaker and pounded the shit out of a gavel like a strong little boy.

In his first move, he kicked Pelosi out of her office (she wasn’t around to clean up since she’s at Feinstein’s funeral) which doesn’t seem like the government’s top priority but what do I know?

There will be a vote on Wednesday for the new Speaker position, and Trump’s name has been floated for the role, which would be fucking nuts. McCarthy has vowed to continue to fight, in other ways.

Buckle up. Gonna be some chaos in the coming months.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK ABOUT HOW ROMAN EMPERORS DIED?

These causes of deaths sound like band names. “Cheese Greed.” “Urination Murder.” “VENOM FEATHER???” Rage Stroke is the scariest to me. I jerk off when I’m mad all the time: didn’t realize you could die from it.

Can’t believe girls made fun of us for thinking about the Roman Empire. There is a lot to consider all the time.

MLB: Do NOT give Bryce Harper a stop sign in the playoffs. Fucking electric.

Tampa Bay has lowest playoff attendance since 1919 during loss to Rangers. Pretty tough look compared to Minnesota, who got their first playoff win in 19 years.

This is catcher porn. And not that kind of catcher, you sick little freak.

Trevor Bauer settles lawsuit with woman who accused him of sexual assault, appears to have been very much set up.

NFL: Not gonna lie, “Mr. Pfizer” is a hilarious dig at Travis Kelce. Rodgers does know that his salary is paid by the heir to Johnson & Johnson right?

This Evan Neal play was a solid encapsulation of the Giants season. Not good!

Bears’ coach Matt Eberflus on the hot seat already? Honestly, just fire everyone and try again next year. Poverty franchise.

NBA: Michael Jordan is officially worth $3 BILLION (is this is before or after his gambling debts?) and Darren Rovell couldn’t help but be weird about it.

The league’s current best player and reigning Finals MVP could not hate basketball more. Fucking love it.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Drake creates total tax nightmare for fan, gifting him $50k after seeing sign saying his girlfriend left him. You better report that to the IRS or I will, pal.

Dudes rock of the week: NJ man drives car into police station while blasting “Welcome to the Jungle,” faces charges for terrorism and being the man.

CBTM? Trump reportedly called in a MASSIVE McDonalds order during his trial Monday. I wish I loved anything as much as this man loves Big Macs.

Woman reportedly fucked a ghost for 20 years but stopped after realizing he had “fangs” and the “face of a gargoyle.” Add this to my list of things that I’m terrified a woman will say to me.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Any mom that packs dingers is all right in my book.

FINAL REMINDER: come see this elite trio tomorrow night at The Bourbon Room in LA. Or don’t and regret it for the rest of your life. Up to you.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Reminder that Matthew Stafford is tough as hell. Dude was risking his life for the fucking Lions.

• Swiftology is now a legitimate sociology course at Kansas University and probably the best place to meet smoking hot chicks.

• The Notre Dame - Duke ending captured through coach’s audio is an incredible watch.

• I gasped when the driver in this video was revealed. Cinematic masterpiece.

• In Defense of Rats. I’m still undecided.