The Daily Friday: Wednesday 11/29

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Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Spotify Wrapped out today so prepare for a very annoying 24-48 hours in social media. Anyone else in the top 0.5% of Mason Ramsey listeners?

2. Young Thug’s lawyer redefines legal greatness, explains that THUG means ‘Truly Humbled Under God’ during his RICO trial. I gotta hire this guy for my public defecation case (didn’t know it was a crime.)

3. Investor Charlie Munger dies at 99, days before his last chance to make Fortune’s 100 under 100. Big week for Dead Billionaires.

4. Blackhawks cut Corey Perry for a ‘workplace matter’ amidst rumors that he banged Connor Bedard’s mom. Bedard really is the Lebron of the NHL isn’t he?

5. Mark Cuban is making moves…for President? LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, another reminder to all the good folks of Boston and Worcester. Our beer is the most delicious thing to touch human lips and currently selling like hot cakes.

Get yours while they’re still in stock (hit us up if you want it in your city.)

CUBAN FOR PRESIDENT

America’s only billionaire to appear in an Almost Friday TV sketch is shedding assets and could be gearing up for a presidential run.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• On Monday, Cuban announced he would be leaving Shark Tank after next season, meaning Willy only has one more shot to get funding for Uber Grab. Start putting that pitch together now.

• Yesterday, news broke that Cubes is reportedly selling the Dallas Mavericks for $3.5 billion to the Sands Casino family, the equivalent of 350k wins in our $10k beer giveaway contest. He’ll reportedly still retain day to day operations and control of the team. Win-win.

• This week, his Cost Plus Drug company, which aims to provide safe medication at actually affordable prices, announced two massive partnerships in Florida drug stores. If the man can fix the Vyvanse shortage in this country, he has my vote. I promise I will only snort like half of it.  

While he’s denied interest in a presidential run in the past, it’s an attractive time for a candidate like him for 4 main reasons.

1) He’s not old as fuck, like the majority of Congress (though a record 13 members are not seeking re-election) and both leading presidential candidates, who would be in their 80s if elected.

2) He could run on an independent platform, appealing to an increasingly divided nation that can’t even decide what to call soda (don’t you dare say pop.)

3) He’s rich as shit and wouldn’t need to be in the pockets of donors like Big Sandwich.

4) He could trade Luka to the Knicks and bring me (and Stephen A) an incredible amount of joy for once in our lives.

Do the right thing Mr. Cuban. Save the country and the Knicks while you’re at it.

LIFE IS HARD AS A MAN

Finally. Someone acknowledges how us men constantly have to juggle a pregnant wife, kids, bird house and several onions/scallions. Every single day, we are forced to answer difficult questions. Do we soothe our crying son or continue holding a dozen scallions? Nurture our pregnant wife or grasp an oversized yellow onion? How will we fit our family of 5 in a hand-sized home?

We have only one empty hand: do we fill it with leisure? Exercise? Cool hobbies like smoking meats? A 4th onion?!?! That is the cross we as men must bear.

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NBA: Jordan Poole continues to be the gift that keeps on giving. Never change.

DRAMA IN THE IN-SEASON TOURNEY, as Bulls coach Billy Donovan takes exception to the Celtics repeatedly fouling Andre Drummond while up 32.

CFB: What exactly is happening at the Texas A&M press conference to announce the signing of Mike Elko? Such a weird school.

Inspiring: Bobby Petrino returns to Arkansas 10 years after he was unfairly fired for hiring a volleyball player to be his staffer, sleeping with her, loaning her $20k and lying about getting into a motorcycle accident with her.

NFL: Jonathan Taylor gets thumb surgery, expected to miss 2-3 weeks. He should’ve just held out the whole year and chilled.

Justin Jefferson expected to play after missing 7 games with a hamstring injury and the Vikings are being weird about who will throw to him. Sucks that the Passtronaut became the Asstronaut.

OTHER: Another Stephen A Smith horny clip has graced the timeline.

SI accused of publishing articles written by fake AI writers. Huge fall from grace from what used to be the best thing to read while taking a shit.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Officially joining NASA after learning it is scientifically harder to get boners in space. I live my life constantly erect and it sucks. This fixes that.

Relatable: man suffers headaches for months, only to learn that he’d had chopsticks lodged inside his brain. Hate it when that happens.

Disney is fully back, as man keeps job after spending $24k on drugs with the corporate card and another dude goes streaking at Disneyland’s It’s a Small World ride. Walt would be smiling from the grave if he wasn’t frozen.

Anna Indiana is our first and worst AI singer-songwriter. Can we all agree to just have AI do the boring stuff for us (taxes, block spam calls, DM us for sexy time on IG) instead of some of the few things in life that provide joy?

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Gonna need a lot more of this. Everybody at Friday Beers needs therapy and Bobby is the man to save them all. This is what YouTube is all about right here.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Who is Flo from Progressive?

• If you’ve got an hour, Charlie Munger’s talk on the Psychology of Human Misjudgment is a good watch.

• Miniatures are having a moment. Here’s why. 

• This autocorrect story has gotta be one of the best I’ve heard.

• Tyrian, the ancient purple pigment, was worth more than gold.

• Fuck the NFL for this. Why can’t we have anything fun?