The Daily Friday: Wednesday 11/8

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Trump took the stand in NY fraud trial and went OFF on the judge with help from the hottest lawyer since Meghan Markle on Suits.

2. Big victories for abortion rights during last night’s elections in Virginia, Kentucky, and Ohio, who is also getting recreational weed. Lemme hit the pen thoooo.

3. Patrick Dempsey wins Sexiest Man of the Year. Beetlejuice didn’t even crack the top 100 so this entire list is fraudulent IMO.

4. Carson Wentz signs with Rams to back up Matthew Stafford. I guess this photoshoot worked after all.

5. An owl escaped the Central Park Zoo and can’t get laid. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, do yourself a favor and sear the date 11/20 into that big beautiful brain of yours. Something BIG is happening that day and we are going to be celebrating in a massive way.

While you wait, DM us at @friday.beers the word 'Tasty' for a chance to win absurd prizes, including $10,000, trips to our bar in Nashville, a night out on us and much more. 

FLACO THE HORNY OWL

Being single around the holidays is tough. But it’s especially tough if you’re Flaco, the super rare Eurasian eagle-owl who is actively searching for a mate in NYC.

Ever since his daring escape from the Central Park Zoo in February, Flaco has captured the hearts and imaginations of many, but now faces peril in the most dangerous neighborhood for any young male: the East Village.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• Flaco lived the first 13 years of his life in captivity at the Central Park Zoo, until someone cut his mesh enclosure in February. Like that hot chick from Tangled climbing down from her tower, Flaco flew free and never looked back.

• Flaco proved the haters who thought he couldn’t survive outside of a zoo wrong, thriving in Central Park off a steady diet of rats and mice for months. He makes Raul, the peacock who escaped from the Bronx Zoo and returned 24 hours later, look like a little bitch.  

• Since escaping, Flaco has been trying like crazy to get laid, hooting his way up and down Central Park with no success. One expert states: “Flaco's hoots have gone unanswered for a long time now. He is unaware that no mates are anywhere in the region.” Dude is firing off late night Snaps and getting left on read. Been there.

• Earlier this week, Flaco was found in the East Village, having left the park in search of his mate. Good move – it’s definitely easier to get laid in the East Village than Upper East Side. Way more single chicks looking to party.

• With Flac in the East Village, there is growing concern that he could fall victim to poison and traffic. Does anyone have any single owl friends in NYC? My boy Flaco is a super good bird and I can’t have him dying alone in the East Village.

NEW URINAL DESIGN JUST DROPPED

Finally, some much needed innovation in public urinal design.

For years, I have struggled with urinal architecture in public restrooms. There are either 1) dividers that block my view of my pissmate’s hog (lame) or 2) no dividers and my urine routinely splashes onto my neighbor’s Chinos (I have an incredibly powerful stream and piss will routinely ricochet off the back of the porcelain and scatter across the room.)

This design solves both of those problems: easy visibility into a stranger’s penis and incredible splash defense to avoid stains. 10/10.

NFL: Congrats to Will Leavis, who has been named the starting QB for the Titans. Still think the mayo thing is weird.

Aaron Rodgers says he will be back in ‘a few fortnights.’ Thank god because Zach Wilson sucks ass. Someone bang his mom and teach him a lesson.

NHL: THE SHARKS HAVE WON A GAME. THIS iS NOT A DRILL

CBB: I love college basketball. The only sport where 5’8 future accountants will do tip-offs against the 7’4 NPOY and think they can win.

Uncle of the year Tom Izzo loses to his nephew, as #4 Michigan State falls to unranked JMU. Man has been keeping up with Entrapranure content.

OTHER: Ichiro can still RAKE at 50, hits HR that shatters classroom window.

The plans for the Mets new ballpark are sick. They’ll still find a way to miss the playoffs.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

If you don’t win our $10k giveaway, don’t stress. Just go diving at the “Holy Grail” of shipwrecks that has $20 BIL worth of treasure. Lotta Zyns.

Shit Your Pants Saturday has finally reached the masses. People are pooping their pants in line at Disney World and it’s absolutely glorious.

A Tik-Toker got her boyfriend’s named tattooed on her forehead. At least his name is Kevin and not X Æ A-12 or people might think she’s a witch.

King Charles wants to ban ripping darts. Fuck you dude. I am offering safe harbor to any English refugee who needs to flee this oppressive regime.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

This was too real and it hurt. Liam was probably just grinding game-tape on his phone from his pickup hoops run on Thursday nights, but still. This stings.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• I cannot wait for the Napoleon movie to come out. Looks fucking sick.

• The Three Paths to Meaning in Life.

• This may have been my favorite political ad this year. Too Many Cooks type vibe.

• Roland the Farter has gotta be in my top 5 all time court jesters. Legend.

• Check the quote tweets on this thread of Tik-Tok NBA highlights. Great way to pass an hour at the cubes.

• Snoopy is the hero that Gen Z needs.