The Daily Friday: Wednesday 1/24

1. Oscar nominations released Tuesday and you gotta feel for Barry Keoghan, who literally fucked a grave in Saltburn and didn’t even get nominated. Really makes you reconsider you life choices.

2. Chuck Schumer declares war on Zyn and I dare him to try and pry these Cool Mint 6 MGs from my cold dead hands. It’s time to go to battle boys…the Zynsurrection is coming.

3. Trump wins New Hampshire over Haley, while Biden takes the W after boycotting the primary. We’re headed for the most anticipated rematch since Tristan Thompson vs. sleeping with women not named Khloe Kardashian, Round 17.

4. Milwaukee Bucks fire first year HC Adrian Griffin despite Bucks being 30-13 and 2nd place in the East. This not a good sign for people like me that are actually bad at their jobs.

5. Netflix just invented live sports. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

NETFLIX AND CHOKE SLAM

Netflix and chill is about to get fully raw.

The streaming service announced a MASSIVE deal with WWE yesterday to broadcast Monday Night Raw live in the US, UK, Canada and Latin America.

This is Netflix’s biggest move into live events since the Love is Blind reunion flopped. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

• The deal is for 10 years, $5 billion (suck ass Shohei Ohtani) and will include live events like Monday Night Raw every week, and annual live events like WrestleMania, SummerSlam and Royal Rumble. Thank god someone finally invented a television package with live sports, scripted shows and movies and reality TV. We needed this.

• While the live WWE broadcasts won’t start until 2025, Netflix will be live streaming the SAG awards in February, as well as Netflix Slam in March, which is a tennis match between Rafael Nadal and Carlos Alcaraz, not a night of performance poetry in deep Brooklyn with a lot of scarf wearers.

• Netflix also dropped Q4 earnings yesterday, announcing an insane 13.1 million new subscribers and 8% stock growth. I guess that password sharing bubble never did pop after all. Thank you Intern Phil.

• WWE also announced more major news: Dwayne ‘The Cock’ Johnson would be joining their board for $30 million in stock options and full ownership of his stage name. Finally this man catches a break. No one needs the money more than him.

YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS

When the winter comes around, it’s normal for the ol’ mental health to crash hard. It’s cold, it’s dark, and sometimes you just wanna curl up, look at pictures of your ex and her jacked new boyfriend on Instagram, and hate yourself until you go to sleep.

Happens to the best of us. For me, the only thing that makes me feel better (besides hitting all 7 legs of my NFL parlay) is talking it out. With a trained professional.

With BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist in less than 48 hours. No more waiting days, weeks or even months to find someone.

Sign up with code FRIDAY25 for 25% off your first month today.

NBA: Wemby is the most locked in man alive, has instructed Spurs staff to not contact him by phone after 9:30 pm as he’ll be reading a book in bed.

Terry Rozier traded to Heat for Kyle Lowry and a 2027 first round pick and now Miami is home to the greatest tweet of all time. 

Big numbers in the NBA Monday night, as KAT drops 62 in a loss, (PISSING off his coach) Embiid pours in 70 and Harrison Barnes dropped 32 for Sacramento. I honestly thought that dude was dead. Glad he’s not.

Some career advice for Zion: do the Dunk Contest and stop impregnating Twitter porn stars. You’re welcome pal.

MLB: Adrian Beltre, Joe Mauer and Todd Helton voted into Hall of Fame while Gary Sheffield was snubbed. Luckily, he has his son to carry the torch.

MEDIA: I won’t pay for porn but I would pay to watch Stephen A Smith debate Donald Trump. This is the kind of debate where everyone wins.

GOLF: Amateur golfer and Alabama college student Nick Dunlap wins American Express Tournament but cannot collect $1.5 million from PGA tour. I’ll hang onto it for you bud. No sweat.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

BREAKING: Michael Cerave is fully stocking up to have an all-time goon sesh this week. Crank well, Michael. Crank well.

An excessively farting passenger had to be removed from a flight and forced a plane to land. We are so back it’s not even funny.

Thank you to these courageous cops for taking $2,500 of stolen Stanley Cups off the street. Our children are finally safe.

A school had to remove all the mirrors in the bathroom to stop students from filming Tik-Toks. Finally the teachers have something to rip lines off of.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

I am fully addicted to these clips from Will and Rusty’s Sleepover Pod. I need a coffee table book of sayings that don’t exist and I need it yesterday.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• There’s only 3 NFL games left. Don’t take them for granted. Use code GLUE on Underdog to get double your deposit.

• Who controls your mind? How our minds are coerced in covert ways. This kinda blew my mind.

• This script doctor made $300k/week rewriting Hollywood scripts like Saving Private Ryan and The Ring. He’s finally found his own voice.

• Before Todd Helton was a Hall of Fame baseball player, he was beating out Peyton Manning for the Tennessee QB job.

• Jake Johnson had the perfect description of sports fandom. I felt this in my bones.

• A Death at Walmart.