The Daily Friday: Wednesday 2/7

1. Drake allegedly has video leaked of his schlong, which might be the largest object in human history. Like so large my roommate had to call his girlfriend and make sure she didn’t go to his concert.

2. Congrats to ‘None of these Candidates,’ the voting choice that beat Nikki Haley in the Nevada Republican primary. If that option wins in November, can we randomly appoint someone President? Would be kinda fun.

3. Adam Neumann is trying to buy back WeWork, is clearly desperate for Season 2 of his Apple TV show to get green-lit. Respect the hustle.

4. House vote to impeach Homeland Security Secretary fails, after Republicans tried ousting the leader for his handling of the border. I wish we had impeaching at normal jobs. My boss would be up for vote daily.

5. ESPN, Fox and TNT announce joint live sports streaming service. Since we’re reinventing cable, can we bring Blockbuster back? I miss going with the fellas on Friday nights and trying to decide which parent-approved movie would have the most side-boob (Charlie’s Angels)

BUY IF YOU’RE HORNY

Stop hiding your horniness. Share it with the world, loud and proud.

There’s something very freeing about letting it all hang out like this. Depending on the horny levels of those around you, this shirt can either be a magnet or a steer clear sign. Either way, it’s an efficient way to approach modern mating.

NBA: This photo of Lebron’s feet is the exact reason I chose to never play in the NBA. I value foot health too highly.

Trae Young and Scottie Barnes named as All Stars replacements for the injured Julius Randle and Joel Embiid. Jalen Brunson may also have to skip the AS game after rolling an ankle at the end of last night’s blowout win. If he is seriously hurt, I’m going to kill myself. Not a threat just a fact.

CBB: Gotta respect Houston HC Kelvin Sampson going absolutely BANANAS on a referee and getting tossed while up 20 points. Some things.

NFL: I’m fully convinced Brock Purdy is Lee Harvey Oswald’s son or at least distant nephew. RFK Jr. better have his head on a swivel.

MLB: Astros sign Jose Altuve to 5 year, $125 million extension. Nice generational wealth bud, but you’re still 5’6. I’ll always tell people I’m at least 4-6 inches taller than you, depending on who I am trying to impress at the moment. Pipsqueak.

EATING: Nothing to see here, just all time legend Joey Chestnut demolishing 100 mini-donuts at halftime of a Canadian hockey game. The man, the myth, the jaw.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

If NYC Mayor Eric Adams is actually Jesus, he better turn the Hudson River into Franzia ASAP. Trying to get wine drunk and hot-wire a ferry tonight.

Bachelor Joey Graziadei confuses Ruth Bader Ginsberg with Gypsy Rose Blanchard. This fucking rocks. Can’t wait to watch him try to keep track of 20 different women’s names this season.

World rocked: moths are not actually drawn to flames. Next you’ll tell me that I actually CAN have my cake and eat it too. That’d be pretty sick.

Can we please start a GoFundMe for Kanye so he can afford to buy his loving wife some clothing? She’s gonna get herself sick dressed like that.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Must-watch video from Elise. If this woman is not starring as the Secretary in a live action remake of Monsters Inc within a year, we have failed as a society.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Loved this breakdown on how The Lego Movie paved the way for the Barbie movie. Fucking love The Lego Movie.

• Another week, another incredible Stephen A Smith breakdown: who would win in a fight, Stuart Little or Ratatouille? The way he pronounces Ratatouille bring me a lot of joy.

• How to stay positive in a world of catastrophes.

• Bit of a long watch, but John Oliver’s History of Chuck E. Cheese (Last Squeak Tonight) is worth the watch.

• RIP to Toby Keith, who passed away at 62 yesterday. For all his party and patriotic anthems, I’m a sucker for Don’t Let the Old Man In.