The Daily Friday: Wednesday 4/10

1. New Boeing whistleblower comes forward, says 787 could ‘break apart’ due to safety flaws. Would be crazy and unprecedented if he died in his car under mysterious circumstance before testifying.

2. UConn basketball wins men’s natty, second in a row and SIXTH (!) since 1999, but lost the ratings game to the women, who set a record Sunday. Here’s a tip: stop making us stay up late on Monday nights.

3. Dude Perfect gets up to $300 million in private funding. They better be making bank shots off the moon or at least finding a cure for cancer through mini-golf or some shit. That’s a lotta coin.

4. Momofuku’s David Chang sues chili crunch manufacturers, claims ownership of the sauce. The great Condiment Wars are here and no one is safe. I pray Heinz takes mercy on the ketchup community.

5. It’s almost time to Commence Masters. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

MASTERS FULL BREAKDOWN

It’s time for A Tradition Unlike Any Other. I’m not talking about your ex leaving you on read or a sneaky fart becoming a sneaky shart on a Sunday morning.

I’m talking about God’s gift to mankind….the Masters.

The tournament tees off tomorrow morning (make sure follow the boys at Country Club Adjacent to stay up to date) but until then, here’s everything else you need to know.

MASTER’S CHEAT SHEET

• Scottie Scheffler is the odds on favorite and looking for his second win, though one thing could stand in the way: his wife going into labor. Honestly, I wouldn’t tap out of a Member-Guest if my wife went into labor. That’s how I know I’m not ready for children. Or marriage.

• Tiger hopes to make his record 24th straight cut and get his 6th career win. As long as he doesn’t cum mid-putt (he has to be crazzzyyy backed up this week,) you’d be foolish not to throw a little action on him. At the very least, sprinkle a future on his 15 year old son (+7500 to win before he turns 30.)

• Jon Rahm has jumped to LIV since winning last year, joining 6 former champions who look to bring the tour its first green jacket. I’m sure his Master’s dinner was enough to squash any beef with the PGA guys. Tapas and fancy cut ham are delicious. Trust me, I studied abroad in Spain for 6 weeks one summer (it’s pronounced Ibitttha btw.)

• My dark horse is Akshay Bhatia, the 22 year old Indian-American golfer who secured his first Master’s spot after winning the Valero Open Sunday (and $1.6 million.) I’m hoping he pops the top at least once. My kind of golfer.

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NBA: Giannis injures leg during Celtics game, though reportedly avoids an Achilles injury. Guess he’s not that Greek after all.

Knicks move one game out of second in the East following another 40 point explosion from Jalen Brunson. Bing motherfucking Bong.

I’m not sure what was more impressive: this failed Chicago Bulls double dunk or Wemby pulling a Shammgod in the low post.

MLB: Crazy stat of the day: Elly de la Cruz got to third base on his inside-the-park homer faster than he got to first base on his 450 foot moonshot.

Tyler Glasgow strikes out 14 batters in Dodgers win, tying his career-high. Not sure how anyone ever makes contact on him, tbh.

NHL: This goal by Svechnikov was easily the goal of the year. 

Ovechkin’s 30th goal moves Caps into lead for last wild-card spot and also breaks the record for most 30-goal seasons with 18. Prettayyy prettay good.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Terrance Howard stuns in latest interview, flaunting beautiful, flowing, Farrah Fawcett locks. I’m showing this to my barber the next time I go.

There is strength in forgiveness: Brazilian man gets back together with woman who cut his penis off. At least you know he’s not in it for the sex.

Russian republic of Chechnya bans music that is considered too fast or too slow to avoid non-traditional dancing. I volunteer for a diplomatic mission to screen the Step Up franchise and educate them on the power of dance.

BILLY DEVOURS $60 OF SHAKE SHACK

Not sure what was more inspiring: Billy’s pee story or him sucking down an entire pharmacy before the shoot to battle wheat, egg, and lactose allergies.

Another masterful 60 for $60 interview from Willy and the rest of the YouTube team. Catch up on the rest of the series here.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Having a bad day? Turn it around with this SpongeBob Afro Punk remix. Legitimately been grinning since I heard it 12 hours ago.

• Enjoyed this thread of interviews from a guy who talks to people in their 70s-90s about their life lessons. I know money ‘doesn’t matter’ but I would still like some more of it. Rent is not cheap.

• Savanna Sweatshop: how the hard work of online content moderation is being outsourced to Africans trying to escape poverty.

• Lana Roades and Michael Porter Jr do the important work on their podcast: breaking down NBA player fetishes. Shoutout poop cookies.

• The trailer for Joker 2 just dropped and it somehow feels like La-La Land? Incels are gonna go (Lady) gaga for this one.

• Read this on your lunch break: right wing media and the death of an outed Alabama preacher.