The Daily Friday: Wednesday 4/17

1. Red Lobster considers bankruptcy while TGI Fridays gets acquired for $220 mil. My two favorite places to get friend-zoned in high school headed in opposite directions. Life is funny that way.

2. Dubai gets 2 years of rain in 24 hours, leaving parts of the city and the airport flooded. This could be a modern day Noah’s Ark, but with rich people, airplanes and only falcons on board.

3. Prospective jurors in Trump trial forced to read mean tweets concerning the former President out loud to him. Way to rip off the only good part of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Shame on you, State of NY.

4. Justice Department to sue Live Nation and TicketMaster for anti-trust violations following outcry over Taylor Swift’s Eras tour ticket pricing. We all know this is just viral promo for her new album Friday.

5. The Crocs x Pringles ankle holster goes hard. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

PRINGLES ANKLE HOLSTER

Finally…someone made an ankle holster for my Pringles. Thank god.

Crocs, the King of Collabs (shoutout the McDonald’s shoe,) has struck gold with an innovation that is at the forefront of fashion, flavor and flexible snacking.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

The way I see it, there are 4 key benefits to this sucker (which somehow only costs $100.)

1. Hands Free Snacking: Pringles cans are simply not portable. A full can is hard to finish in one sitting (unless it’s pizza flavored) but it doesn’t fit in any pockets. What are you supposed to do, bring a backpack just for your chips? Now, you can snack at your leisure and on-the-go. The dream.

2. Physical Fitness: each time you reach down for another chip, you’re not only doing a side crunch, but getting a nice stretch in. As someone with ever-growing love handles and hamstrings tighter than piano wire (I hold the record for worst Presidential fitness sit-and-reach score,) this is essential.

3. Storage Capability: Pringles rock but they’re not an every-day snack. Doesn’t mean you can’t use the holster for storage on off days. It’s the perfect place to toss loose change, a Yo-Yo, or even a Friday Beer. Basically a fanny pack but cooler and lower on your body. Win-win.

4. Conversation Starter: “Hey man, what’s on your ankle?” “Oh just a Pringles ankle holster.” “That’s awesome. What are your thoughts on foreign policy by the way? Would love to pick your brain.”

   That’s just one of the many conversations that can blossom from the simple act of wearing an ankle chip holder. If we all just talked to each other a little bit more, maybe we could fix this broken society after all.

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NBA: Blake Griffin retires after 6 All-Star appearances, 5 All-Pro honors, and 15 seasons of insane highlights. Dude is gonna have a podcast so quick.

The Play-In has arrived and the Warriors have already left, thanks to an abysmal shooting night from Klay (who looked like he might join Blake Griffin after the game.)

Lakers lock up the 7 seed, holding off the Pelicans, who may have lost Zion for Thursday’s game against Sacramento for the last spot.

The East battles it out tonight and if you’re not hammering the 76ers, you’re dumber than you look (you look really dumb btw.)

NHL: TJ Oshie scores empty-net goal to help Capitals grab the 8 seed in stunning fashion. Time for playoff Ovi.

Regular season wraps up tomorrow and then it’s time for the most beautiful 2 words in the English dictionary: playoff hockey. It’s Tampa or it’s nothing.

MLB: John Sterling retires after 36 years as the voice of the Yankees. I still can’t believe he survived this foul ball. Greatest to ever do it.

WNBA: Caitlin Clark drafted #1 overall, will make nearly as much as a Buc-ee’s assistant GM, despite total lack of gas station operations experience.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Hard to be more locked-in than Davis Clarke, who in one week has been interviewed by GQ, failed the CFA, and shat himself at the marathon. On a Linsanity run right now.

Shoutout to Popeye the pumpkin man, who rode Australia’s largest pumpkin down the Tamult River. That’s just what life is all about.

OnlyFans girls made $250k sleeping with 122 college students on spring break. Gross. Spring break is not for sex. It’s for falling asleep standing up at Senor Frogs and losing your life savings ($134) trying to buy fake cocaine.

HUMP DAY HERO

Introducing a quick little segment, where we ask you, the good subscribers of Daily Friday, who is most deserving of the coveted prize…Hump Day Hero.

Vote on which person from today’s news is most deserving of the title.

MATT KING GUZZLES FIVE GUYS

Five Guys is the ultimate hack for this interview format. $60 is barely enough to fill you up there.

Another spectacular interview from Willy D and the team and a (belated) congrats to Matt King for Good Kid of the Week. Well deserved.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• If you’re wondering why Lebron never came to the Knicks in 2010, this recruiting video might be to blame. What a waste of a good Tony Soprano cameo.

• Don’t Bleed on the Painting: why the world of art-framing is more intense than you’d think.

• Considering getting fully into Finnish softball/baseball/whatever this sport is. I love a good ditch.

• Read this on your lunch break: How the deep sea cables that carry Internet across the globe are repaired underwater.

• TV just hasn’t been the same since this clip of Mike Piazza on Baywatch came out. Take me back.

• Another interesting read for you on the life and death of Hollywood and the existential threat placed on screenwriters.