The Daily Friday: Wednesday 4/26

Me in 5th grade after being 4-Square King for an entire recess period.

• Tucker and Don are OUT

• Morgan Wallen Lawsuit

• On Tinder, I’m 6 Ft

• Sports Recap

• What Else is Good

• Hump Day Send Off

Let’s get into it.

GOODNIGHT, SWEET PRINCES

We barely knew thee….

In the biggest news about news since they invented news, anchors Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon were unceremoniously fired from their positions at Fox and CNN on Monday.

This has been an incredible loss for the meme community and at the moment, we’re left with more questions than answers. Specifically, what was the Sexy M&M’s role in all of this?

There is one thing that we know for certain in these trying times - we need to fire Jim Cramer next.

PONY UP, MORGAN WALLEN

Uh oh Morgan. You just made the list.

On Sunday, the country singer canceled his show in Mississippi minutes before going on stage, claiming that he lost his voice, while a security guard said he was too wasted to perform. Not cool, man.

It’s time to make this right. Wallen told fans he would refund tickets, but that’s not enough for me. I’m with this woman.

Compelling. I have thoughts.

• $40 at Cracker Barrel shows tremendous restraint.

• Respect to her husband for balling out with his stunning $218 outfit.

• $220 on drinks at the concert is silly. Beer pricing is jacked up. Scorch your suckhole in the parking lot like the rest of us.

• This merch budget is commendable. Almost $900 on college flags and country singer hats? Spend that on Almost Friday tees please.

All in all, she makes a strong case. Pay this woman, Morgan. Don’t make me come after you.

LYING IS BACK

I love this. 33% of men claimed to be over 6 ft, but only 14% actually are. If you don’t hype yourself up, who will?

Someone check on Dr. Locks. I’ve never seen anyone more due.

NBA: Ime Udoka will make a Houston stripper very rich next season. Ja Morant thinks he can fly (he can’t.) Trae Young has massive nuts. Everyone wave bye-bye to the T-Wolves and Clippers.

NHL: Is one game enough punishment for Makar? Dallas fans are horned up. The Leafs might actually win a series.

MLB: The Rays finally lost at home after 14 straight Ws. Wander Franco is a wizard. Pirates extend Reynolds for their first $100M contract ever.

NFL: Reddit convinced Vegas that Will Levis is going #1 tomorrow. Meadowlands Ayahuasca dealers rejoice – Rodgers is coming to the Jets.

Other: Deion filled the stadium for Colorado’s spring game but can’t fill a roster, as 18 players enter the portal. Chess Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen is going full MJ in ’93 mode. Tottenham players are refunding their fans after shitting the bed at Newcastle.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• Not bizarre at all: Elon Musk has a burner Twitter account where he pretends to be a horny adolescent boy. Very normal, very cool.

• A Catholic school teacher said God told her to quit her job and become a porn star. After a quick look, I’ll agree with the big man.

• Finally, Gen Z gets their priorities straight. This girl works 3 jobs so she can afford Erewhon and I can’t say I blame her.

• The last episode of James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke aired Monday, clearing the way for the true king of televised karaoke formats to reclaim its throne in Japan.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Golf. Acid. Mushrooms. The Full YouTube is lovely with those ingredients.

Size doesn’t matter. It’s all about what you do with that size. An important message on Hump Day.