The Daily Friday: Wednesday 5/3

Audibly gasped at this photo. Leto is the Fits King.

• Met Gala Cat Awards

• Writer’s Strike

• Have We Ripped Our Last Dart?

• This Week’s Sports Guide

• What Else is Good

• Absolutely Bonkers Stat

MEOW GALA

Monday’s Met Gala was absolutely breathtaking. Nothing made an impact quite like the Holy Trinity of Cats – Doja, Lil Nas ‘X and Jared Leto. These superstars all made a double statement: I am a cat and I am also insane.

With that, presenting Cat awards and Fuckability Ratings below:

Doja Cat: Most Erotic

Physically, she was closest to resembling an actual cat, and the nose/eye makeup here had everyone erect or close to erect. I was devastated that she only spoke in meows during interviews. Cats have a wide range of sounds including mewing and hissing that I did not see reflected. (Fuckability Rating: B)

Lil Nas X: Nicest Dong

The claws. The movements. The general cattitude. And a beautiful penis placement. Just a masterclass in cat and dong embodiment that did not go unnoticed. Bravo. (Fuckability Rating: A)

Jared Leto: Cat of the Year 

There is no doubt Leto went full feline here, and that was enough to bring the horniness from everyone. But it’s a bit of a double edged sword. You cannot take the cat head off. Ever. That is Mascot 101. (Fuckability Rating: C-)

Few more greatest hits:

• Pedro Pascal made me feel something I haven’t in years

• The cockroach stunned in its red-carpet debut

• Sydney Sweeney is becoming a problem of sexuality

WRITERS GO ON STRIKE

Yesterday, the writers of Hollywood officially went on strike. For how long? We don’t know. Probably until they reach some sort of compromise – that’s how strikes work guys.

Until then, this means TV shows will have to adjust plots (last time this happened, TV fucking sucked), movie studios will have to rely on old scripts and topical late-night shows will be paused for the time being.

Oh nooooooo what will we do without a dying television format that most people on this email list don’t even watch? Here’s what you can watch instead::

• Almost Friday TV has been cranking out some incredible sketches.

• Friday Beers YouTube has been rounding into form (Talladega video was insane.)

• Meatspin.com also has some really good content.

• I Think You Should Leave still exists (new season dropping 5/30.)

In solidarity with the WGA, I say we all stop writing. Emails to our coworkers. Text messages to our girlfriends. Tax forms to the IRS that are a full 2 weeks late and we definitely can’t afford to pay.

We stand with you. No one here is crossing the line.

RIP RIPPING CIGS?

Takeaway #1 - this graph is borderline impossible to read. But here’s the key takeaway. 20 years later we are destroying the Brits again and consuming MORE tobacco. Zyn boys for life.

Playoff (and other sports updates) for the fellas.

NBA: Harden skinned the Cookie Monster alive before dropping 45 on the Celtics, getting a W without the newly crowned MVP. Dillon Brooks is permanently banned from the Grizzlies. Jordan Poole got cocky and blew Game 1. Knicks evened the series at MSG. Bing Bong.

NHL: Rangers got cucked and the Devils now own NYC. Snoop Dogg could buy the Senators. Pavelski’s 4 goals weren’t enough to take down the Kraken.

MLB: Awestruck by this kid…coming for Chalamet in the Rizz God Rankings. MLB can’t get out of their own way and is forcing teams to submit standing ovation requests 24 hrs in advance.

NFL: Hammering Daboll Coach of the Year future after this weed pen footage dropped. Antonio Brown owns an Arena team but hasn’t paid anyone for weeks. Jets are collecting Packers and sign Randall Cobb.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• On Monday, a woman had a “loud, full-body orgasm” at the LA Philharmonic orchestra. Just wait until she hears Levels for the first time. Won’t be able to walk for a week.

• Modern beauty standards are so unrealistic. King Charles has been hiding his hands in photos after people unfairly mocked his fucking disgusting greasy sausage fingers that hang off his meaty little claws. People can be so cruel.

• Life update: a man from the Canadian town Dildo found an iceberg shaped like a Dildo. I have also decided to start a village called Stepdad Who Respects Me.

• We need to do a wellness check on Leo after he got back with Gigi Hadid, who is way too old for him (28!!!) Adults can make their own choices, but I really hope she isn’t taking advantage of him :/

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Pure, unadulterated chaos. This video needs a million views. Hit it.

That’s what they call “not good”. But I say keep ‘em coming. If everyone’s poor, no one is.