The Daily Friday: Wednesday 5/31

The Disgusting Brothers. Shoutout to Pacino for popping out another kid at 82. These old dudes fuck.

• Billionaires I Could Fight

• Indian Official Loses Phone

• Return to Pangea

• The Big Game

• What Else is Good

• Rube Goldberg Sketch

• Nuggets Mascot Fun Fact

ZUCK CAN CATCH THESE HANDS

On Monday, Zuck dropped this incredible photo alongside a caption about how he ripped a 2 mile run and a shitload of pushups, pullups and squats in a 20 lb weighted jacket to honor the troops….

That’s called Beast Mode. And more importantly, he has flown up to the #1 spot of this summer’s most important list..

Power Ranking Billionaires by How Easily I Could Beat the Shit Out Of Them

5. Elon Musk – he has an impressive dad bod, but I could lull him to sleep by fake laughing at his memes and then karate chopping his throat. Hi-ya!

4. Bill Gates – old man strength, but I could absolutely cave his chest in with one punch. Would bring me no joy, but I could.

3. Saint West-Kardashian – he’s 8 years old but any child of the Kardashians scares the hell out of me. So yeah he’d go down, but not easily.

2. Jeff Bezos – incredibly jacked but those are steroid muscles. I’d dance around that little gorilla man and strike him down with my swift leg kick.

1. Zuck – sure he can do jiu-jistu and army workouts, but once I mention the Metaverse, he’ll be so distracted I can knock him out with a Flying Elbow to the temple.

Will be updating this as often as I see fit. Stay tuned.

THIS DUDE REALLY WANTED HIS PHONE

Absolutely in awe of this Indian official Rajesh Vishwas that drained an entire reservoir (2 million liters of water!) to retrieve a phone he dropped while taking a selfie.

Having lost over 25 phones in my life (fallen onto subway tracks, roller coaster x2, taxi x4, blackout and no idea x18), I have never shown this level of effort to retrieve them.

Makes you wonder what exactly was on this phone. It’s possible he took a fire selfie, which warrants retrieval at all costs. He also could have some great nudes that he didn’t back up (of himself), insane government blackmail, or a deadly combination of both.

RETURN TO PANGEA

Anyone else craving a return to Pangea? Something so appealing about getting back to basics and simplifying life a bit. Plus, we could finally make more bullet trains.

Shoutout to loyal subscriber David Chimenti, who opened my eyes to the beauty of Pangea. Let’s get back to what was working.

NBA: Josh Hart is addicted to breast milk. NBA Finals tip off tomorrow, I got Nuggets in 6. Multiple illegal stream operators jailed 24 hours after this tweet. Coincidence?

NHL: Stanley Cup final patch has been moved on team’s jerseys to fit ads and people are pissed. Finals start Saturday; bet the house on the Knights. Preds sign Andrew Brunette as their new head coach.

MLB:  The Oakland A’s have won a series. Happy 56th Birthday to Kenny Lofton, who played in a game in the NCAA basketball Final Four and MLB World Series. Respect.

OTHER:  The Bucs desperately miss Tom Brady. D’Andre Hopkins is looking for a new team; if it’s the Chiefs, we riot. The Red Flags Pod Monocco recap is a must-listen.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• Whoopi Goldberg says that American Idol was the beginning of the downfall of society, uh how about the discontinuation of the original Four Loko lady?

• A Wimbledon champ is marrying a random fan she met in a park, who also happens to be one of the hottest dudes alive. That kinda luck is fuckin bullshit.

• Man steals backhoe for a 10-mile drive to catch his flight, which simply cannot be the best vehicle for that journey. Thing goes like 20 mph max.

• Girlfriend giving you a hard time about another sneaky bender with The Fellas? Tell her you’re making art like these Danish dudes who use beer to paint. Chicks dig art.

• Are Mommy and Daddy getting divorced? Skip Bayless’ wife Ernestine hasn’t spoken to him after he threw a fit during the Celtics Game 6 and I’m inconsolable.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Shout out our director Tyler Falbo for this. It’s gotten stolen on Reddit, Twitter, and other places, but all credit to him. One of his best.

That’s more than my dad, Cody Zeller, and 3 Cousin Gregs. And he deserves every penny. Best mascot in the biz.