The Daily Friday: Wednesday 6/14

When the edible kicks in at work and I still have 2 hours on my shift.

• Bar Tab Winner

• Bear Whale?

• Jokic Is a Walking Meme

• Virgin Rankings

• The Big Game

• What Else is Good

• This One Slapped

• Bring This Up at the Pregame

BAR TAB GIVEAWAY WINNER

Cheers to Nick Tromba, this week’s brave and handsome Bar Tab Giveaway winner. He started off last weekend the right way…by hammering $98.19 worth of margaritas at happy hour that we’ll be paying for.

ICYMI: we’re paying a subscriber’s tab every week this summer. Every person you refer gets you another chance to win. Plus, share a link to the newsletter on IG stories and tag us for TEN MORE CHANCES TO WIN. That’s a hell of a good ballgame.

Share away. Let’s hit the news.

NUGGETS WIN TITLE, KNIGHTS WIN CUP, JOKIC WINS MEMES

After 3 glorious months of action, the playoffs are officially over. The Vegas Knights have secured their first Cup (shoutout Hill in goal; dude was nasty) and the Denver Nuggets have their first NBA championship.

The biggest story has been the emergence of Jokic as a true legend. Not for his play on the court, but for his performance after the whistle blew, where he transcended from NBA MVP to Spirit Animal of People Who Hate Working (aka everyone).

Here are the best memes and quotes from our New Anti-Work King.

Brace yourself for the next 2 months boys. Gonna be a longgggg drought until football starts.

DEEP SEA BEAR

New fear unlocked. A massive black bear was seen swimming from deep in the ocean to the beaches of Florida and I may never enter the ocean again.

First we have human-hunting orcas and now this? There is a legitimate chance that the bears and orcas have collabed and are plotting to eliminate our entire species. If so, this has rapidly climbed to the top of my Greatest Fears List, which is as follows:

Current Greatest Fears, Ranked

8. Leaving the office at the same time as my boss and realizing we’re heading the same way and now we have to make small talk for 20 minutes.

7. Finding millions of crickets on the street, like the residents of this Nevada town.

6. Accidentally saying “I love you” to my boss in a meeting.

5. Waking up in a coffin like this lady in Ecuador.

4. My boss not saying “I love you” back. It wasn’t an accident when I said it in the meeting. I am in love with her. It’s why I’m always at a loss for words around her.

3. Someone signing me up for this boot camp.

2. My boss saying “I love you” back. It makes it too real. I was comfortable with the fantasy of our love but when confronted with its legitimate possibility, I retreat. Am I afraid to be happy? Happy being afraid? Or a deadly combination of both? Will I ever escape the tyranny of my own mind?

1. Deep Sea Bears that Communicate with Orcas to Eliminate the Human Race

Ok cool. Moving on.

ICELAND FUCKS SO HARD

There’s not a ton to really do in Iceland besides have premarital sex, so this checks out. India… that age is embarrassing.

NBA: Drake won $825k on the Nuggets. Sick dude, now go find a woman who can actually love and cherish you. Jimmy Butler must be thrilled the Heat lost and he’ll never have to be dragged to the Hall of Fame #overrated.

NHL: After just 6 years as a franchise, Knights take home the cup. Mark Stone had a hat trick but the real hero was 50 Cent. Shoutout Panthers’ Matthew Tkachuk, who played through a goddam broken sternum. Hockey players are built different.

MLB: Javy Baez does not like being booed at home. Understandable. Oakland A’s fans are organizing a reverse boycott and filling the stadium to protest the ownership? Maybe if they did this a bit earlier, they might still have a team.

OTHER: Cash Money, the viral Little Leaguer from 2013 is all grown up and sick at baseball. Brady’s still got it, hits a drone with a football on Mr. Beast’s yacht. Stanford pitcher throws 156 pitch complete game shutout, arm somehow doesn’t fall off.

BECAUSE IT’S THE CUP

Congrats to the Vegas Knights for winning the cup and congrats to the Empty Netters, who rocked covering hockey all year. This sketch culminated a very epic year 1. Well done boys.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• A trend in China has people eating spice-less ‘white people lunch’ as a form of self-torture. And it’s not ok. My culture is not your costume.

• What the hell is wrong with this Norwegian man who ran 2 miles in under 8 minutes? I could have sex 8 times in that amount of time.

• Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The guy who went viral for using his porn relapse to plug an entrepreneur course is a poor man’s Royce DuPont. Few.

• In great news for your ex-girlfriend, Twitter will limit the number of DMs users can send in one day. Someone check on Baby Gronk’s dad…the empire might fall.

• Pat Sajak is retiring from the Wheel of Fortune: enjoy this thread of the funniest and dirtiest word puzzles of the past 40 years.

• No one man should have all that ponzu: Kanye celebrates his 46th birthday with sushi rolls served on naked models.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Shoutout Almost Friday TV for hitting 110k YouTube subs.These long form sketches have not missed once but this was my favorite one yet. Lost it at “my dad sent it to me.”

If that’s how powerful light to moderate drinking is, imagine the heart benefits of heavy to incredibly heavy drinking. I might live forever.