The Daily Friday: Wednesday 6/21

They never left.

• Ocean Rising?

• NBA Draft Preview

• Divorce Is Expensive

• The Big Game

• This One Slapped

• What Else is Good

• Bring This Up at the Pregame

THE OCEAN STRIKES BACK

The tide has turned. Literally. After years of abuse, the ocean has hit back in a major way.

In just the past week, Big Ocean has made the following power plays:

• A $250k/person submarine that was visiting the Titanic remains has been missing for days, presumably snatched up by the deep sea. No free tourism.

• Sharks, the A-listers of the ocean, went full Brittany mode, and fought back against paparazzi trying to get footage for a Netflix docuseries in Hawaii.

• The all-knowing-water decided it no longer wanted a Mexican church that was submerged underwater for 60 years and spit it back to the surface.

• Orcas continue to organize, unionizing and leading the labor movement below water.

After years as a land apologist, I have officially switched my alliance to Team Ocean. It’s only natural. 71% of planet Earth consists of water. Guess what percentage of the human heart is made of water? 73%. #wild

I am willing to die for the sea and have identified my first target: NFL super agent Drew Rosenhaus. Get your mitts off my boy, you fucking shitbreath. Sharks roll with me now.

WEMBY’S BIG DAY

Tomorrow night is the NBA Draft, also known as the official start to the most interesting time of any NBA season - the off-season.

Here are some storylines to keep an eye on:

• Spurs may try to trade for a second lottery pick in addition to Wemby, who I am legitimately afraid will snap in half. Dude looks like the stick dude in Bug’s Life. In total awe of his hands.

• The current favorite for the #2 pick is Scoot Henderson (-150) but don’t be afraid to put a sneaky unit on Brandon Miller (+110.) He could be the next Ja Morant.

• Overtime Elite league could have TWO top 5 picks in twins Amen and Ausar Thompson. Gonna have to block that Twitter account tomorrow so I don’t have to see the 😂🙏🏻💯emojis 1100 times.

• Will Woj beat his breaking news addiction and not leak draft picks 25 seconds before they’re announced on TV? Probably not, and I can’t blame him.

RICH PEOPLE ARE SO RICH

If you have a negative net worth and get divorced, does that mean your ex has to assume your debts? Asking for a friend who is drowning in student loans and crushing medical bills from several failed circumcisions. Not me, a friend. Like I said.

MLB: He’s the fastest kid alive: Elly De Cruz beats out routine ground ball with ease.  We got a finger wag controversy on our hands! Call up season…Guardians top pitching prospect Gavin Williams to make MLB debut tonight. 

NBA: The long national nightmare is over: Moriah Mills is banned from Twitter. Apparently Chris Paul found out he was traded from his son and blames Isaiiah Thomas? I guess we’re supposed to care. Kyle Kuzma declines option, will become a free agent. 

NFL: Stefon Diggs is reportedly unhappy because he wants to call plays in Buffalo. Simply not how it works bud. Kevin Durant to the Jets? Tyreek Hill allegedly assaulted a marina worker in Miami. All around great dude, that guy.

OTHER: This Rob Panell goal for the Redwoods during Saturday PLL action was insane.  Congrats to LSU fans for setting the jello shot record at this year’s College World Series with 21,345. This was heartbreaking.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

The best ending to a sketch of all time. Motion to end every video like this moving forward.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

• Perfect couple Avril Lavigne and Tyga have broken up. If they can’t make it, what chance do any of us have (I had no idea they even knew each other)

• Zendaya’s new movie trailer is a treat for all of us and an absolute nightmare for short king Tom Holland. Bro has to be punching the air right now.

• Honestly, same: Wes Anderson does NOT like the Tik-Tok trend where people pretend to be in one of his movies. Can everyone please stop now?

• Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker allegedly knew she was pregnant for weeks before her sign stunt at Blink 182 concert. I’m stunned. Never trusting a Kardashian again.

• Relatable: man who threw phone at a singer during concert and gave her a black eye admitted he did it because he “thought it would be funny.” He’s absolutely right…it was hilarious. Free him.

Watch that link. I cannot wrap my head around that.

The seagull could single handedly swing the war between Land and Ocean depending on which side it joins. I’m following that dude into battle no matter what.

Speaking of battles, our war with the week is almost halfway over. Still gotta keep pushing….We’re almost there.