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The Daily Friday: Wednesday 7/19

The Daily Friday: Wednesday 7/19

North Korea. Ariana and Sofia. Lohan's Baby.

Jack
July 19, 2023

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

The Open tees off tomorrow at Royal Liverpool. Make sure you beat the piss out of anyone who says British Open. Casuals.

Ariana Grande and Sofia Vergara have left their husbands so we can finally make our throuple work. Love always wins.

Adam22 proves what every MBA grad has always known: letting your wife fuck another man is just good business, as searches for his wife’s video with Jason Luv soar 4096% on PornHub.

Bella Hadid goes full Brittney Griner, gets arrested and detained for marijuana possession in the Cayman Islands. Since when are there rules in the Cayman Islands?
US soldier detained by North Korea after accidentally crossing DMZ border. Send in Dennis Rodman and we’ll iron this out in an afternoon. MORE DETAILS BELOW.

But first….

THIS WEEK’S BAR TAB WINNER

Congratulations are in order to Guzal Masharipova. My man rang up $243.76 at a brewery on Saturday and frankly I am impressed. Just an absurd amount of craft IPAs to take down in the summer. Kudos.

New winner selected every Tuesday morning. Let’s get into today’s top story…

IS WORLD WAR III HERE?

Probably not. But yesterday was definitely a little bit weird, as a US soldier named Travis King was detained by the North Korean government after voluntarily crossing the border from South Korea.

Here’s what went down.

Bring in The Worm.

King had just finished a two-month jail sentence in South Korea for assault charges and was scheduled to get on a plane to Fort Bliss, Texas to face more military discipline. Doesn’t sound like a blast.
At the airport, he escaped and joined a tour group that was visiting the North Korean border. I always support running away from your problems, but this may not have been the move.
On the tour, according to a witness, he “suddenly gives out a loud ‘ha ha ha,’ and ran across the border. Objectively hilarious thing to do.
He was immediately captured, the first American detained by North Korea since 2018. This escalated existing beef between nations after a nuclear-armed US sub arrived in a South Korean port and NK fired 2 response missiles. Not great!

Is it going to further escalate? I have no fucking idea.

Enjoy these clips from The Interview though. Pretty underrated film that got overshadowed by the whole movie theater bomb threats and Sony email hack thing.

MOVIES ARE GETTING LONGER

Don’t mind a long flick, but I miss the 90 minute bangers that were pumped out in the early 2000s (shoutout Accepted and Air Bud 1 - 13.)

Also, respect to Ice Age for cracking the top 10 in ‘02. A perfect movie.

SOCCER: Women’s World Cup starts tomorrow and USA guns for a 3-peat.

Couple things go differently and I think FC Rottach-Egern could’ve kept this one to a 3 touchdown game.

MLB: We do not deserve Shohei Ohtani.

Diamondbacks join Padres in ditching Bally Sports broadcast deal to avoid blackouts, will be available to watch on MLB.TV moving forward.

NFL: No one wants to pay running backs anymore as Saquon and Pollard fail to sign new deals and threaten hold-outs. Le’Veon Bell really wants you to watch A Bug’s Life to understand.

NBA: The Cleveland Cavaliers have won the NBA Summer League Championship. Fuck man, July is rough.

GOLF: Brooks is going to kill himself with this pairing. Slowest round ever?

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Lock up your grandmas….ABC’s new Golden Bachelor is 71 and the hottest man alive. How can he possibly find love? No woman is good enough for him

Universal Studios trims trees that gave striking writers and actors shade while picketing. All time super-villain move.

Janet Rogan Yellan? US Treasury Secretary “accidentally” ate hallucinogenic mushrooms at a restaurant in China during a trip to Beijiing.

Tik-Toker says Kim K’s Skims shapewear saved her life after she was shot. If only Abraham Lincoln had worn his nude girdle, he might be with us today 😔😔

Lindsay Lohan gives birth to baby boy. No word on if he’s a twin separated at birth due to an unorthodox custody agreement. Have to wait until he goes to camp to find out.