The Daily Friday
Posts
The Daily Friday: Wednesday 7/26

The Daily Friday: Wednesday 7/26

UFOs. TBT. Queen of Chaos

Jack
July 26, 2023

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

Saudi Club offers record 1 year, $1.1 BILLION deal to Kylian Mbappé. Here’s how that compares to Power Ball winnings.

Twitter name change faces obstacles as police block attempt to change HQ signs due to lack of permits while Meta and Microsoft both hold ‘X’ related trademarks. Lmao.

Giselle is reportedly upset that Tom Brady is dating model Irina Shayk. Not as upset as I am that this counts as NFL news. Let’s start the season ASAP.

How does he keep getting cooler? Hunter Biden’s lawyer spotted ripping a bong during visit in LA. I just wanna party with him.

Congress holds UFO hearing today that will either change our lives or be the biggest let-down ever. LET'S DIVE IN.

But first….

THIS WEEK’S BAR TAB WINNER

Congratulations to one Brandon Gagnon. My man is in Nashville this weekend so we’ll be giving him the VIP treatment at Almost Friday Sporting Club. Lucky guy.

New winner selected every Tuesday morning. Let’s get into today’s top story…

CONGRESSIONAL UFO HEARINGS

Today is a MASSIVE day for alien truthers everyone, as the House will hold a historic Congressional hearing to declassify military intel surrounding UFOs. Let’s fucking go.

Here’s what you can expect today, starting at 10 am EST.

Who Will Speak: 3 key witnesses will testify under oath, including David Grusch, a former intelligence official who spoke up in June and said the government has come into contact with “malevolent” alien pilots. Which is sick.

What Is the Purpose: Declassifying information that has already been discovered, including claims by former Deputy Secretary of Defense that we already have 12 (!) alien crafts in our possession. Personally, I want to know if any aliens live among us. Looking at you, Zuck.

Who Do We Have to Thank: Tom Delonge, the Blink182 frontman who took a music hiatus to devote his life to alien research. Seriously.

How You Can Watch: God’s gift to Earth…YOUTUBE.

This is either going to change everything or be the biggest let down of my life. I’m ready to be hurt.

HOW TO FIND THE BEST HAIRSTYLE

Honestly, it doesn’t really matter because I have officially transitioned into a backwards hat guy. Trying to get ahead of the balding gene.

BASKETBALL: Celtics sign Jaylon Brown to largest contract of ALL TIME, at 5 years, $402 million. Maybe he can pay someone to teach him to dribble with his left hand.

Desperate for something to gamble on tonight? Hammer the Friday Beers team -9 in the the TBT tournament on ESPN+ (lines available on BetMGM)

Rusty is an automatic double double.

MLB: Trade deadline is less than a week away but moves are already being made, as Red Sox send super-utilityman Enrique Hernandez to the Dodgers for basically spare parts.

Bryce Harper is already the best defensive 1st baseman in the MLB.

NFL: Just days after a Zoom meeting with other NFL RBs, Saquon signs a one year deal with Giants for an additional $1M in incentives. Why did they even bother?

GOLF: Jon Daly proves that the human body is capable of literally anything. This is peak male performance ladies.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Ex-Kentucky student nicknamed ‘Queen of Chaos’ books her 11th mugshot. I can fix her. I’d also let her ruin me.

The food industry is innovating at an absurd rate, as BK Thailand follows their All Cheeseburger with an All Meat Burger and French’s and Skittles collab on mustard flavored candy. Scrumptious.

Raven Symone claims that she has psychic visions like her character in 'That’s So Raven.’ If she could’ve prevented Hasbulla’s arrest, I will never forgive her.

Madison Beer’s biggest fan has incredible rizz. Got her right where he wants her.

Matt Damon’s life fucking sucks. He turned down an offer to be in Avatar with 10% of the box office ($2.8B) AND he had to kiss ScarJo after she ate an onion sandwich. Stinky!