The Daily Friday: Wednesday 8/2

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Taco Bell sued for false advertising and misrepresenting the amount of beef in a Crunchwrap Supreme. Who the fuck eats Taco Bell sober enough to notice that? Live más, people.

2. BLOODBATH ALERT. After making Sportscenter Top 10, the Friday Beers basketball team battles in the semis of the TBT tonight on ESPN.

3. RIP to Euphoria actor August Cloud passed away at age 25, along with Pee Wee Herman actor Paul Reubens, who had a perfect 30 Rock guest role.

4. US Women's Soccer team advances but faces harsh criticism from Carli Lloyd for celebrating a tie and from me for not hitting exact score 3-0. Shit was +600, ladies.

5. Can I work for Lizzo? Singer sued after allegedly forcing backup dancers to eat bananas from sex worker’s vagina’s in Amsterdam and soil themselves during rehearsal. MORE BELOW.

But first….

THIS WEEK’S BAR TAB WINNER

Congratulations to Davis Coppinger, who had a big boy weekend in Chicago that we’ll be covering. New winner selected every Tuesday morning so make sure you refer your friends with your link at the bottom of the email.

Let’s get into today’s top story…

TRUTH HURTS

Why are stars great ‘til they gotta be great? Pop star Lizzo, known for her body positive bops, is getting sued by 3 of her former backup dancers for mistreatment while on tour. Here’s what went down.

• Perhaps the most disappointing allegation is claims of weight-shaming from Lizzo, who preaches body-positivity. I haven’t felt this betrayed by a celebrity since I found out Tom Cruise was 5’6. Little shit.

• Dancers recalled a night in Amsterdam, where they were forced to eat a banana out of a sex worker’s vagina on stage. As an honorary European (I semestered abroad in Italy 8 years ago) who had a similar experience in Amsterdam, this is just part of the culture. Not a crime.

• The captain of the dance team is also being accused of “deriding those who had premarital sex while sharing her own lewd sexual fantasies.” Stop making me miss high school.

• Conditions were so bad that one dancer shit herself during a rehearsal because she was fearful of taking a break. I’m gonna use that excuse the next time I shit myself during a work meeting.

We’ll see how the suit settles, but Lizzo’s already facing a ton of backlash across the industry from musicians like Beyonce (who dropped her name from a remix) and her documentary director, who called her ‘arrogant, self-centered and unkind.’ Fucking burn.

AMERICANS USE MORE VACATION THAN EVER, BUT STILL NOT ALL OF THEIR PTO

This is disgusting. PTO is theft and no one should be using it at all. CEOs have feelings too and you hurt them every time you choose vacation over labor.

MLB: Kate Upton has been traded to the Houston Astros along with husband Justin Verlander. We’ll miss you Kate but if you love something, let it go.

More news out of Houston as Astros’ Framber Valdez no-hits the Guardians in just 93 pitches. It was the first no-hitter by a single Houston pitchers since Verlander in 2019, who they just traded for. The more you know.

CFB: Weird story out of Clemson, where former LB TJ Dudley allegedly filmed players in the locker room and uploaded it onto OnlyFans. I would’ve done it for free if you just asked man.

NFL: The drought is over. We finally get football tomorrow as the Jets battles the Browns in the annual Hall of Fame game as rumors of Davante Adams coming to NY heat up.

This George Pickens catch was sick but he committed like 3 separate offensive PI calls. Feel like he’s been doing that in every clip this camp…not a flex bud.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

This creature from the China Zoo is absolutely a human man in a bear costume that is clocking out at five and getting beers with all the other zoo animals costumes

JoJo Siwa needs a new manager. The cast of this new reality show where contestants go through Special Forces training feels like it was put through a random celebrity name generator.

Realtors get thirsty too. Real estate agent fined $15k for drinking milk from their seller’s apartment.

Heroic Taylor Swift gives her tour truck drivers $100k tip, nearly .0001% of her $1 billion Eras tour earnings.

Comrade slide? I cannot stop watching this Boston City Hall Slide RAGDOLL a cop.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

I’m attending a wedding myself this weekend and this was a perfect training video. So important to get the reps in before the big game and Chet gets that.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Everything you never knew about competitive eating.

• Is this the worst bedroom in NYC?

• Gen Alpha memes are insane. What in God’s name is Skibidi toilet?

• This is what happens when you skateboard around a boomer.

• Man this video hit me hard for some reason.