The Daily Friday: Wednesday 8/30

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Domeda? The Mile Below-Sea-Level Club gets new member, as Kanye receives public suck-job on a Venice canal. Love is back.

2. Colts refuse to trade Jonathan Taylor, placing him on PUP list for the first 4 games. Really wish I didn’t draft him last week in fantasy.

3. Hurricane Idalia hit Florida coastline, could definitely fuck shit up the next few days. Stay safe guys 🤝

4. Lose Yourselfproclaimedcampaignanthem? Eminem is not pleased that presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy uses his song at rallies, sends cease and desist.

5. The chess community is no longer butt-hurt as anal beads cheating scandal is squashed by Chess.com. MORE INFO BELOW.

But first, some big news….

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Let’s get into the news.

ANAL BEADS CHESS CONTROVERSY SETTLED?

Finally, there is peace in the chess world. The beef involving Magnus Carlsen, American teen Hans Niemann, and vibrating anal beads has been officially squashed. We can rest easy as a nation.

You may have heard about this story last year, but here’s a brief refresher and update following yesterday’s news.

• Magnus Carlsen is a Norwegian grandmaster who many consider the Jalen Brunson of chess (unquestioned GOAT with no close competition.) In September, he lost to 19 year old Hans Niemann, an American that was the tourney’s lowest ranked player.

• After he lost, Magnus got super dramatic, dropping out of the tournament and claiming Niemann cheated using wireless vibrating anal beads, which is entirely feasible from my experience my friend’s experience that he told me about and I wasn’t involved in.

• Niemann denied the claims but Chess.com revealed that he’d been suspended online and accused of cheating 100+ times! Dude was singlehandedly keeping Spencer’s Gifts in business.

• In October, Hans filed a $100M lawsuit against Magnus and Chess.com for tarnishing his reputation. The lawsuit was dismissed by a judge in June but yesterday, Chess.com announced that everyone had settled the dispute and Niemann would be reinstated. America always wins.

Hopefully we can go back to having real arguments about chess like “was Queen Gambit actually good or was I bored during COVID and found the main girl extremely attractive?” Reply with your stance.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA BIAS

Not surprising, but still interesting. If the Daily Friday was included in this, there would be a heavy emphasis on Hot Airplane Lady, people shitting their pants, and Elon Musk. That’s our bread and butter right there.

MLB: Angels put Lucas Giolito, relievers Matt Moore and Reynaldo López, and outfielders Hunter Renfroe and Randal Grichuk on waivers. Guess they’re not all in anymore?

Would’ve like a bitttt more effort to save a perfect game from this right fielder.

These fans really wanted a hug from Ronald Acuna Jr. Can’t blame them.

NFL: Patriots cut QBs Zappe and Malik Cunningham, leaving Mac Jones the only signal caller on the roster. This went really well for the 49ers last year.

Anyone know why Matthew Judon tweeted this? Just a wild thing to do.

Ughhh Dad, you’re ruining my life!!! Doug Pederson cuts his own son, TE Josh Pederson, from Jaguars roster.

Aaron Rodgers chirps like he’s kicking someone out of a frat party and I fucking love it.

NBA: Ben Simmons claims he wants to be traded back to Philly. No you don’t dude. No you don’t.

This move by Shai Gilgeous-Alexander was filthy. Also had no idea he was Canadian. The more you know.

OTHER: Venus Williams, 43, bounced from tourney after losing 6-1, 6-1. At least she didn’t snitch on people burning one down at the stadium.

Week 1 College Football action kicks off tomorrow night, with the Florida vs. #14 Utah match looming large. I got Utah -6.5 because I’m not a moron.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Controversial Canadian teacher who wears Z-Cup (!) prosthetics hired by new school. You KNOW kids are going to have bets about throwing stuff in there.

Miguel suspends himself from the ceiling with metal hooks attached to his skin during performance. I get that you’re horny man, but don’t make it our problem.

Worm removed from woman’s brain in Australia during surgery. I’ve had brainworms since Twitter was invented, not sure what the big deal is.

One of us. This dude shit his pants mid-podcast and that’s perfectly ok. It’s a natural part of being a human man and we need to embrace that.

Shoutout @ajnva123 on Twitter for bringing this to our attention. Thank you for your service 🤝🤝

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Need this song from Willy D on Spotify ASAP. Please and thank you.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• The Dune Domino Effect: what the delay of the biggest movie of the year means across the movie landscape.

• What is the point of time? Honestly.

• Derrick Comedy was the OG sketch comedy team.

• As a massive reality TV fan, this thread and the quote tweets was the best way to pass 45 minutes at the office.

• Everything you need to know about the new COVID variant.

• Apparently we found life on Mars 50 years ago but destroyed it?